Loyal readers, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your continued support and dedication to this site. All of us here at Celebrity Skewer would be nothing without you. That includes our IT, Accounting, and Legal Departments, as well as interns, PAs, and our resident Diva.
We look forward to a successful 2010. (Can you say 'Project Runway recaps?')
We would also like to send heartfelt congratulations and best wishes to country music aficionado and loyal reader, Erin. She and her fiance, Ryan, are getting married this weekend. What a way to kick off the new year! All the best to you both!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Peace on earth and goodwill towards men
It's that time of year to look back on the past 12 months and reflect on how far we've come as an individual, a community, and a nation.
Well, I'm much too lazy to do that. But, in honor of the season of giving, I present to you a moment in time of one of the greatest friendships that ever was. It was born of the same profession, bad hair, and poor clothing choices. And please pay special attention to the World's First Cellphone being used by one of the participants.
Without further ado (and at the request of The Diva):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDRYCrmyMU
Well, I'm much too lazy to do that. But, in honor of the season of giving, I present to you a moment in time of one of the greatest friendships that ever was. It was born of the same profession, bad hair, and poor clothing choices. And please pay special attention to the World's First Cellphone being used by one of the participants.
Without further ado (and at the request of The Diva):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDRYCrmyMU
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
My My
How time flies.
Well, loyal reader(s), it has been a while since my last post. Since then, the Yanks won a World Series, I got a haircut, and Tiger Woods drove without shoes on.
Crazy times!
I am throwing some ideas around in my head and trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog. Perhaps I will move away from the celebrity aspect, as there are so many others doing it and spending money on pictures! I mean, talking about how bad Britney's weave still is can be fun, but wouldn't you like a visual? I thought so.
More to come....no really. Promise.
Well, loyal reader(s), it has been a while since my last post. Since then, the Yanks won a World Series, I got a haircut, and Tiger Woods drove without shoes on.
Crazy times!
I am throwing some ideas around in my head and trying to figure out what I want to do with this blog. Perhaps I will move away from the celebrity aspect, as there are so many others doing it and spending money on pictures! I mean, talking about how bad Britney's weave still is can be fun, but wouldn't you like a visual? I thought so.
More to come....no really. Promise.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Yes, I'm alive
I've just been consumed with playoff baseball.
The Yankees are taking a 3-2 series lead back to Da Bronx tomorrow night with Andrew Eugene Pettitte on the mound. Andy is probably flipping through his "Power For Living" book as we speak, so I want to send him some good vibes and best wishes.
Love you, Andy!
A lot has been happening in the world of entertainment over the past few weeks. Let's recap, shall we?
Lindsay has bigger lips. Nicky Kidman, too. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Not a good look for either of you. Brings more attention to your faces, and, really, not a good idea. At all.
Sienna Miller has landed on Broadway (and more than a few men, I'm guessing) as she stars in After Miss Julie. Oy. Reviews focused on her looks, always a nice, condescending way of saying, "Ummmm....best stick to breaking up marriages, ho."
The Kardashians have fake married people, gotten knocked up by d-bags, and reconciled with their football player boyfriends. I'm exhausted! No wonder Bruce Jenner needs so much plastic surgery. He must not get any sleep with all of those bitches fighting for the spotlight. Pipe down, hags!
Jon and Kate have fought and fought and fought in the media (are they the PA version of the Lohan Family?) and Jon has continued to make poor clothing decisions. My hope is that the twins take the younger kids and run away. This has the makings of a nice Disney film as they are taken in by a kind, sane, rational family that has enough money to pay for all of their therapy bills. Good luck, kids!
A shady family made people think their son was trapped in a flying balloon. It was riveting drama. Sadly, we were all duped. Luckily, no one was hurt. Although, there are now allegations of spousal abuse and child endangerment and who knows where this will all lead. All I know is that no sane family would subject themselves to the tv show Wife Swap, and that should have been our first clue that something was not quite right. Also, naming your son Falcon.
I enjoyed a delicious red velvet cupcake from Crumbs bakery. I highly recommend it.
Ashley Simpson-Wentz got her ass fired from Melrose Place. Oh, Ash. She'll now have more time to spend with her husband and child. And not eat.
Celebrities did things that annoyed me. They are too numerous to mention, but just know that I know you know who you are. And I'm very disappointed in all of you.
Well, I hope you feel you have been caught up with all that is vital and news- worthy. If not, please keep it to yourself. If, however, you feel your life has been enriched by this blog entry, feel free to send baked goods or cash to my home.
Go Yanks!!!!!!!
The Yankees are taking a 3-2 series lead back to Da Bronx tomorrow night with Andrew Eugene Pettitte on the mound. Andy is probably flipping through his "Power For Living" book as we speak, so I want to send him some good vibes and best wishes.
Love you, Andy!
A lot has been happening in the world of entertainment over the past few weeks. Let's recap, shall we?
Lindsay has bigger lips. Nicky Kidman, too. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Not a good look for either of you. Brings more attention to your faces, and, really, not a good idea. At all.
Sienna Miller has landed on Broadway (and more than a few men, I'm guessing) as she stars in After Miss Julie. Oy. Reviews focused on her looks, always a nice, condescending way of saying, "Ummmm....best stick to breaking up marriages, ho."
The Kardashians have fake married people, gotten knocked up by d-bags, and reconciled with their football player boyfriends. I'm exhausted! No wonder Bruce Jenner needs so much plastic surgery. He must not get any sleep with all of those bitches fighting for the spotlight. Pipe down, hags!
Jon and Kate have fought and fought and fought in the media (are they the PA version of the Lohan Family?) and Jon has continued to make poor clothing decisions. My hope is that the twins take the younger kids and run away. This has the makings of a nice Disney film as they are taken in by a kind, sane, rational family that has enough money to pay for all of their therapy bills. Good luck, kids!
A shady family made people think their son was trapped in a flying balloon. It was riveting drama. Sadly, we were all duped. Luckily, no one was hurt. Although, there are now allegations of spousal abuse and child endangerment and who knows where this will all lead. All I know is that no sane family would subject themselves to the tv show Wife Swap, and that should have been our first clue that something was not quite right. Also, naming your son Falcon.
I enjoyed a delicious red velvet cupcake from Crumbs bakery. I highly recommend it.
Ashley Simpson-Wentz got her ass fired from Melrose Place. Oh, Ash. She'll now have more time to spend with her husband and child. And not eat.
Celebrities did things that annoyed me. They are too numerous to mention, but just know that I know you know who you are. And I'm very disappointed in all of you.
Well, I hope you feel you have been caught up with all that is vital and news- worthy. If not, please keep it to yourself. If, however, you feel your life has been enriched by this blog entry, feel free to send baked goods or cash to my home.
Go Yanks!!!!!!!
Friday, October 09, 2009
Open letter to The Office writers
Stop making hour-long episodes.
Stop writing Michael over-the-top inappropriate at weddings and other formal gatherings.
Stop playing Chris Brown music.
Stop making montages.
Sincerely,
Annoyed
Not thrilled with the Jim/Pam wedding AT. ALL.
Their (far too few) moments were sweet, but really??? with the dancing down the aisle? Ugh. Stop.
At least Boston lost and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was hilarious.
Stop writing Michael over-the-top inappropriate at weddings and other formal gatherings.
Stop playing Chris Brown music.
Stop making montages.
Sincerely,
Annoyed
Not thrilled with the Jim/Pam wedding AT. ALL.
Their (far too few) moments were sweet, but really??? with the dancing down the aisle? Ugh. Stop.
At least Boston lost and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was hilarious.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
We are cordially invited
Tonight's the night!
No, not the ALDS. That started last night. And the Yankees won. Despite Jorge and C.C. acting foolish in the early going. Uh-huh. Oh, boys. Thank goodness "Captain, My Captain" took control of the situation and lead by example.
Take a seat, Joe Mauer.
Anyway, tonight is the night for a wedding. And we don't even have to buy gifts! Good, because I don't get paid until next Thursday.
Tonight at 9pm, Jim and Pam will finally marry on The Office. It is an hour long episode that promises to be awkward, funny, uncomfortable, and sweet. It's JAM, y'all! And they have a baby on the way. Time to say "I Do" and sign up for Lamaze class.
I can remember back before the series started, when I was a loyal reader of E!'s "Watch with Wanda." Kristin Veitch, aka "Wanda," could not say enough good things about the American remake of the British workplace comedy. Not having seen the original, but knowing who Steve Carell was, I gave it a try.
It's been true, awkward love ever since.
The heart of the show has always been the relationship between Jim and Pam. In the original, it was Tim and Dawn. In both cases, it started as a case of unrequited love. And Jim/Tim were the characters that we as an audience rooted for to get the girl (who in both cases were engaged to guys that weren't good enough for them). In the original series, which lasted for only two seasons, SPOILER ALERT Tim and Dawn did not get together. Dawn actually moved to Florida with her fiance.
Then, the brilliant minds of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant made a Christmas Special that brought Dawn back to the office for a visit. What follows is pure gold. Rent the series if you haven't watched it yet. The humor is a bit more awkward, but the love story is just as sweet. Martin Freeman and Lucy Davis are every bit as perfectly cast as John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer.
The American version of the show is now in its sixth season. Fans had to wait three seasons for Jim and Pam to get together. Luckily, once together, there was none of the horrible break-up/make-up nonsense that plagues other shows. There were no long-lost daughters to contend with (yes, I am still bitter Amy Sherman-Palladino!!!), or prolonged misunderstandings just to drive up ratings. Just two people continuing to rely on each other to get through their workdays at Dunder Mifflin. But now they were dating and adorable and as nerdy as ever.
Tonight I look forward to the culmination of a relationship I have enjoyed watching grow every Thursday night. Raise a glass to the happy couple, sit back, and enjoy!
No, not the ALDS. That started last night. And the Yankees won. Despite Jorge and C.C. acting foolish in the early going. Uh-huh. Oh, boys. Thank goodness "Captain, My Captain" took control of the situation and lead by example.
Take a seat, Joe Mauer.
Anyway, tonight is the night for a wedding. And we don't even have to buy gifts! Good, because I don't get paid until next Thursday.
Tonight at 9pm, Jim and Pam will finally marry on The Office. It is an hour long episode that promises to be awkward, funny, uncomfortable, and sweet. It's JAM, y'all! And they have a baby on the way. Time to say "I Do" and sign up for Lamaze class.
I can remember back before the series started, when I was a loyal reader of E!'s "Watch with Wanda." Kristin Veitch, aka "Wanda," could not say enough good things about the American remake of the British workplace comedy. Not having seen the original, but knowing who Steve Carell was, I gave it a try.
It's been true, awkward love ever since.
The heart of the show has always been the relationship between Jim and Pam. In the original, it was Tim and Dawn. In both cases, it started as a case of unrequited love. And Jim/Tim were the characters that we as an audience rooted for to get the girl (who in both cases were engaged to guys that weren't good enough for them). In the original series, which lasted for only two seasons, SPOILER ALERT Tim and Dawn did not get together. Dawn actually moved to Florida with her fiance.
Then, the brilliant minds of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant made a Christmas Special that brought Dawn back to the office for a visit. What follows is pure gold. Rent the series if you haven't watched it yet. The humor is a bit more awkward, but the love story is just as sweet. Martin Freeman and Lucy Davis are every bit as perfectly cast as John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer.
The American version of the show is now in its sixth season. Fans had to wait three seasons for Jim and Pam to get together. Luckily, once together, there was none of the horrible break-up/make-up nonsense that plagues other shows. There were no long-lost daughters to contend with (yes, I am still bitter Amy Sherman-Palladino!!!), or prolonged misunderstandings just to drive up ratings. Just two people continuing to rely on each other to get through their workdays at Dunder Mifflin. But now they were dating and adorable and as nerdy as ever.
Tonight I look forward to the culmination of a relationship I have enjoyed watching grow every Thursday night. Raise a glass to the happy couple, sit back, and enjoy!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
A tribute
It is with a heavy heart (and a stomach full of leftover rice) that I inform all of my loyal readers (especially you, George Glass!) that The Diva will no longer be recapping The Hills for this website.
I know. I know. It's a dark day.
Actually, it's Cloudy with a Chance of (Tofu) Meatballs.
But seriously, folks, our Diva has determined that she can no longer subject her intellect to a show that has none. Watching a group of overpaid brats whine, pout, pretend to work, whine, pout, eat dinner, go to clubs, pretend to have problems, and give each other the side eye was just too exhausting. I mean, Justin Bobby brought too much drama for one Diva to recap! Time for a nap.
Not to mention that with Penn State football and New York Yankee baseball to watch, there is very little time for nonsense. Tis the season to be true to your school and Minka Kelly's boyfriend. Bitches and homeless-looking boys will have to live fake lives without the Diva's stink eye. Let's see how long they last!
I'm sure we will hear from The Diva again before too long. Perhaps she will grant us an exclusive interview about what she plans on buying her sister for Christmas (cash means love). Fingers crossed!
Godspeed, Diva.
I know. I know. It's a dark day.
Actually, it's Cloudy with a Chance of (Tofu) Meatballs.
But seriously, folks, our Diva has determined that she can no longer subject her intellect to a show that has none. Watching a group of overpaid brats whine, pout, pretend to work, whine, pout, eat dinner, go to clubs, pretend to have problems, and give each other the side eye was just too exhausting. I mean, Justin Bobby brought too much drama for one Diva to recap! Time for a nap.
Not to mention that with Penn State football and New York Yankee baseball to watch, there is very little time for nonsense. Tis the season to be true to your school and Minka Kelly's boyfriend. Bitches and homeless-looking boys will have to live fake lives without the Diva's stink eye. Let's see how long they last!
I'm sure we will hear from The Diva again before too long. Perhaps she will grant us an exclusive interview about what she plans on buying her sister for Christmas (cash means love). Fingers crossed!
Godspeed, Diva.
Friday, September 25, 2009
SNL season premiere
Ugh. Meghan Fox is hosting.
Don't let that scare you. Trannies need work, too! I know many have compared her to Angie Jolie, but I think that is an insult to Angie (and isn't Jennifer Aniston in charge of all Angie insults?)....unless she's down with the drag.
More importantly, U2 is the musical guest. Last time they performed on the show, Amy Poehler was so excited she cried. I hope she is there tomorrow night.
Larry, please wear a white tee. Thanks.
On a completely different note, I was happy to read that one of my favorite character actresses, Amy Aquino, has been elected as SAG Secretary-Treasurer. Amy played the pivotal role of Dr. Toni Pavone on Felicity from 2000-2002. What a pistol! She told it like it was, and wouldn't let Benjamin Covington get away with just being cute. She meant business! And she would blow smoke in your face to prove that she was not having any of your nonsense.
Congrats to Amy.
Don't let that scare you. Trannies need work, too! I know many have compared her to Angie Jolie, but I think that is an insult to Angie (and isn't Jennifer Aniston in charge of all Angie insults?)....unless she's down with the drag.
More importantly, U2 is the musical guest. Last time they performed on the show, Amy Poehler was so excited she cried. I hope she is there tomorrow night.
Larry, please wear a white tee. Thanks.
On a completely different note, I was happy to read that one of my favorite character actresses, Amy Aquino, has been elected as SAG Secretary-Treasurer. Amy played the pivotal role of Dr. Toni Pavone on Felicity from 2000-2002. What a pistol! She told it like it was, and wouldn't let Benjamin Covington get away with just being cute. She meant business! And she would blow smoke in your face to prove that she was not having any of your nonsense.
Congrats to Amy.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
She makes it too easy
I can't stand Jennifer Garner.
True story.
Her "oh golly" attitude grated ever since she dropped Michael Vartan for Benji Affleck. My Sidney Bristow was dead to me, as was Jen's appeal. NEXT!
Last night, in a segment on Jay Leno's show entitled "Earn Your Plug," she had to name the starting lineup of the Boston Red Sox while wearing a Yankees cap (she's not worthy) and holding a framed photo of Derek Jeter (again, not worthy).
J Gar decides to be "cute" by wearing the cap backwards (Uh, you are no Luke Danes!) and stating that Jeter was her "least favorite Yankee." Say what, ho? Is it because he doesn't freebase steroids like Papi or display full on roid rage like her beloved Youk? Bitch, please. Go buy some Rogaine for your husband and shut it.
Varty, she did you a favor.
True story.
Her "oh golly" attitude grated ever since she dropped Michael Vartan for Benji Affleck. My Sidney Bristow was dead to me, as was Jen's appeal. NEXT!
Last night, in a segment on Jay Leno's show entitled "Earn Your Plug," she had to name the starting lineup of the Boston Red Sox while wearing a Yankees cap (she's not worthy) and holding a framed photo of Derek Jeter (again, not worthy).
J Gar decides to be "cute" by wearing the cap backwards (Uh, you are no Luke Danes!) and stating that Jeter was her "least favorite Yankee." Say what, ho? Is it because he doesn't freebase steroids like Papi or display full on roid rage like her beloved Youk? Bitch, please. Go buy some Rogaine for your husband and shut it.
Varty, she did you a favor.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Office returns tonight
Season 6? Amazing.
Tonight at 9:00, The Office returns with a season that will undoubtedly bring a lot of changes to Dunder Mifflin. Jim knocked up Pam, and those two crazy kids are getting hitched this season.
Karen who?
*30 Rock returns next month, so don't fret when you see SNL on for the next few weeks. Liz Lemon will be giving us some more deal breakers before you know it.*
Enjoy the return of Thursday Night comedy!
Tonight at 9:00, The Office returns with a season that will undoubtedly bring a lot of changes to Dunder Mifflin. Jim knocked up Pam, and those two crazy kids are getting hitched this season.
Karen who?
*30 Rock returns next month, so don't fret when you see SNL on for the next few weeks. Liz Lemon will be giving us some more deal breakers before you know it.*
Enjoy the return of Thursday Night comedy!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
After Hancock, it was time to head back to the hotel to regroup, recharge, and watch a few minutes of The Rachel Zoe Project. Oh, the drama!
That show is hilarious because it involves people that think forgetting nipple tape the day of an awards show is the most horrific thing in the history of the world. The horror! Forget homelessness, AIDS, poverty, and famine. If Eva Mendes doesn't have the right pair of shoes for a red carpet, well, expect Armageddon and take cover with some Valium. It is one of the funniest hours on television. And it isn't supposed to be.
After trying to figure out where to eat that wouldn't require a reservation, we settled on D4 Irish Pub and Cafe. Fabulous grilled veggie sandwich! Yummy. Our very nice waiter couldn't understand why we would spend so much money to see U2. *smack* Less tip for you, buddy. Kidding!
Then we were off to the show. Hailed a cab and dealt with some Soldier's Field traffic. Understandable. And just happy that we didn't have to deal with parking. So nice. Took about 20 minutes and then we were just walking with the masses. Weather was perfect and everyone was in a good mood.
We missed Snow Patrol, which wasn't a big deal. I liked their first album, but haven't really followed them since. Now it was just a matter of waiting for Bono and the boys.
The lights went down at 8:50 and Larry Mullen, Jr. walked out to his drum kit. AAHHHHH! I love you, Larry! Larry is my type of guy: he calls Bono on his b.s. and stays out of the spotlight. Plus, he's cute! And he seems to never age. Is he a robot?
The band played until 11:00, giving us new material from their latest album, as well as all-time favorites. It was a good mix, although I could live without ever hearing "Pride" or "Sunday Bloody Sunday" again. I'm sorry, but I've heard them since 1987. Yes, that's right. THE 80s. Gah, I'm old.
The crowd was fantastic. From the moment the lights went down, everyone was on their feet. Thank you! If I wanted to sit, I would have stayed in my apartment and listened to the cd (which was a suggestion from my father). People sang along and danced as only U2 fans can. There is always at least one guy at a U2 show that likes to pump his fist into the air. I don't understand it, but I observe it and laugh. All hail weirdos!
Well, that is recap of my fabulous Chicago getaway. This Sunday I am off to Gillette Stadium in MA to see the boys again. Hope the weather cooperates, as stadium shows don't provide cover. And I will GO OFF if it rains. True story.
More celeb-centered news to come!
That show is hilarious because it involves people that think forgetting nipple tape the day of an awards show is the most horrific thing in the history of the world. The horror! Forget homelessness, AIDS, poverty, and famine. If Eva Mendes doesn't have the right pair of shoes for a red carpet, well, expect Armageddon and take cover with some Valium. It is one of the funniest hours on television. And it isn't supposed to be.
After trying to figure out where to eat that wouldn't require a reservation, we settled on D4 Irish Pub and Cafe. Fabulous grilled veggie sandwich! Yummy. Our very nice waiter couldn't understand why we would spend so much money to see U2. *smack* Less tip for you, buddy. Kidding!
Then we were off to the show. Hailed a cab and dealt with some Soldier's Field traffic. Understandable. And just happy that we didn't have to deal with parking. So nice. Took about 20 minutes and then we were just walking with the masses. Weather was perfect and everyone was in a good mood.
We missed Snow Patrol, which wasn't a big deal. I liked their first album, but haven't really followed them since. Now it was just a matter of waiting for Bono and the boys.
The lights went down at 8:50 and Larry Mullen, Jr. walked out to his drum kit. AAHHHHH! I love you, Larry! Larry is my type of guy: he calls Bono on his b.s. and stays out of the spotlight. Plus, he's cute! And he seems to never age. Is he a robot?
The band played until 11:00, giving us new material from their latest album, as well as all-time favorites. It was a good mix, although I could live without ever hearing "Pride" or "Sunday Bloody Sunday" again. I'm sorry, but I've heard them since 1987. Yes, that's right. THE 80s. Gah, I'm old.
The crowd was fantastic. From the moment the lights went down, everyone was on their feet. Thank you! If I wanted to sit, I would have stayed in my apartment and listened to the cd (which was a suggestion from my father). People sang along and danced as only U2 fans can. There is always at least one guy at a U2 show that likes to pump his fist into the air. I don't understand it, but I observe it and laugh. All hail weirdos!
Well, that is recap of my fabulous Chicago getaway. This Sunday I am off to Gillette Stadium in MA to see the boys again. Hope the weather cooperates, as stadium shows don't provide cover. And I will GO OFF if it rains. True story.
More celeb-centered news to come!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Day 2: Or how I managed to stay awake past midnight
Saturday was full throttle action. Like a big budget summer movie, but with good characters and a plot.
We were out of the hotel by 9:15 and headed over to West Egg Cafe (recommended by The Diva). Very popular place, as we had about a 20 minute wait. Luckily, the food was good. Excellent raisin bread french toast.
Then we were off and running to Navy Pier. Amusement rides for the kids (and those that are kids at heart)could be seen as you make your way through a nice park. There was even a hot air balloon that looked like a vomit-inducing accident waiting to happen. No thank you.
We decided on the 90-minute boat tour through Mercury Cruiseline called the "Urban Adventure." It is a river and lake cruise, and for one price, you also get access to the John Hancock Tower. Great deal!
Our tour guide on the boat was a good enough guy, but it was like anytime you take a guided tour: everyone has to be a comedian. My dad would love this job! Give him a microphone and he'd be off and running. Through the course of the tour, we learned that our guide was the waiter for Tom Cruise and Rebecca DeMornay in their dining scene at the end of Risky Business. I wanted to raise my hand and ask questions about Tom, but it just wasn't the appropriate time.
After seeing the sights and enduring the swells (thanks, speedboats!), it was time for dry land and we were off to Millennium Park.
What fun. Crazies all around! There was a protest against Healthcare. Or they were for it but didn't like Obama's plan. Couldn't figure it out. There was also a group wearing masks and protesting Scientology. Xenu would not be happy! Apparently, it was Tom Cruise day in Chicago. Couldn't get away from mentions of him. Someone held a "Honk if you hate Scientology" sign. Honk!
Then we were off to the Hancock building. I was starting to lose steam, but once up on the 92nd floor, I got a 2nd wind. Beautiful views from all sides. David Schwimmer even provides an audio tour (and he isn't annoying). The scariest part was that one minute you would have a crystal clear view of the city, and the next, you would be enveloped by cloud cover. Or was it pollution? Spooky.
I'm breaking this up into two posts because I'm lazy. More tomorrow!
We were out of the hotel by 9:15 and headed over to West Egg Cafe (recommended by The Diva). Very popular place, as we had about a 20 minute wait. Luckily, the food was good. Excellent raisin bread french toast.
Then we were off and running to Navy Pier. Amusement rides for the kids (and those that are kids at heart)could be seen as you make your way through a nice park. There was even a hot air balloon that looked like a vomit-inducing accident waiting to happen. No thank you.
We decided on the 90-minute boat tour through Mercury Cruiseline called the "Urban Adventure." It is a river and lake cruise, and for one price, you also get access to the John Hancock Tower. Great deal!
Our tour guide on the boat was a good enough guy, but it was like anytime you take a guided tour: everyone has to be a comedian. My dad would love this job! Give him a microphone and he'd be off and running. Through the course of the tour, we learned that our guide was the waiter for Tom Cruise and Rebecca DeMornay in their dining scene at the end of Risky Business. I wanted to raise my hand and ask questions about Tom, but it just wasn't the appropriate time.
After seeing the sights and enduring the swells (thanks, speedboats!), it was time for dry land and we were off to Millennium Park.
What fun. Crazies all around! There was a protest against Healthcare. Or they were for it but didn't like Obama's plan. Couldn't figure it out. There was also a group wearing masks and protesting Scientology. Xenu would not be happy! Apparently, it was Tom Cruise day in Chicago. Couldn't get away from mentions of him. Someone held a "Honk if you hate Scientology" sign. Honk!
Then we were off to the Hancock building. I was starting to lose steam, but once up on the 92nd floor, I got a 2nd wind. Beautiful views from all sides. David Schwimmer even provides an audio tour (and he isn't annoying). The scariest part was that one minute you would have a crystal clear view of the city, and the next, you would be enveloped by cloud cover. Or was it pollution? Spooky.
I'm breaking this up into two posts because I'm lazy. More tomorrow!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Look what the windy city blew in
A new blog post!
Yes, it's been ages. One reader asked if I was too busy planning the Bluntski wedding to post. Sadly, my offer to help with the seating chart has not yet been acknowledged.
Actually, I had been getting ready for my trip to Chicago. Oprah and Gayle were going to give me an exclusive sit down interview, but then cancelled last minute. Bitches. Well, when one door closes, another opens. Guess I'll just have to settle on seeing U2 kick off their North American tour.
Yes, that'll do.
Chicago is a beautiful city. Arrived Friday afternoon and barely stopped until I was on the plane headed home yesterday (thanks for the motion sickness, Delta!!). Went with my friend Becky. That girl likes to sightsee. We saw a lot of the city in two short days. Thanks for not failing me, flip flops!
We checked into the hotel (Inn of Chicago) around 3 o'clock after taking the train from Midway. Very convenient, by the way. And cost-conscious. Thanks, Orange Line!
Then we were off and running. Walked down Michigan Ave. Turns out U2 gave an interview at the NBC building earlier in the day. Hmmm....inconvenient, boys. Next time, plan according to our schedule. Thanks.
Saw the Hershey Store with the 5lb Hershey bar. Created with me in mind? I somehow resisted. Walked up Lake Shore Drive. Gorgeous places with water views. There were 3-bedrooms starting at 1.4 million. Cheap. I would have asked Opes for a loan if she had bothered to show.
Then it was back to the hotel to rest like I'm 80. I was jet lagged!
Around 7 we headed off for dinner. Oh Friday night in Chicago. 90 minute waits will not do. So, we couldn't enjoy Giordano's. Then we walked, and walked, and tried our hand at LUXBAR (after passing Gibson's Steakhouse and seeing Jesse Jackson enjoying dinner outside). Thank you LUXBAR. Outstanding veggie burger. One of the best I've ever had. And a tasty ginger fizz didn't hurt, either (sounds gross, but tasted like peach). Tried to get a drink at Gibson's afterwards, but we scoped out the bar and only saw overdressed and annoying non-celebrities. Next!
More to come.....
Yes, it's been ages. One reader asked if I was too busy planning the Bluntski wedding to post. Sadly, my offer to help with the seating chart has not yet been acknowledged.
Actually, I had been getting ready for my trip to Chicago. Oprah and Gayle were going to give me an exclusive sit down interview, but then cancelled last minute. Bitches. Well, when one door closes, another opens. Guess I'll just have to settle on seeing U2 kick off their North American tour.
Yes, that'll do.
Chicago is a beautiful city. Arrived Friday afternoon and barely stopped until I was on the plane headed home yesterday (thanks for the motion sickness, Delta!!). Went with my friend Becky. That girl likes to sightsee. We saw a lot of the city in two short days. Thanks for not failing me, flip flops!
We checked into the hotel (Inn of Chicago) around 3 o'clock after taking the train from Midway. Very convenient, by the way. And cost-conscious. Thanks, Orange Line!
Then we were off and running. Walked down Michigan Ave. Turns out U2 gave an interview at the NBC building earlier in the day. Hmmm....inconvenient, boys. Next time, plan according to our schedule. Thanks.
Saw the Hershey Store with the 5lb Hershey bar. Created with me in mind? I somehow resisted. Walked up Lake Shore Drive. Gorgeous places with water views. There were 3-bedrooms starting at 1.4 million. Cheap. I would have asked Opes for a loan if she had bothered to show.
Then it was back to the hotel to rest like I'm 80. I was jet lagged!
Around 7 we headed off for dinner. Oh Friday night in Chicago. 90 minute waits will not do. So, we couldn't enjoy Giordano's. Then we walked, and walked, and tried our hand at LUXBAR (after passing Gibson's Steakhouse and seeing Jesse Jackson enjoying dinner outside). Thank you LUXBAR. Outstanding veggie burger. One of the best I've ever had. And a tasty ginger fizz didn't hurt, either (sounds gross, but tasted like peach). Tried to get a drink at Gibson's afterwards, but we scoped out the bar and only saw overdressed and annoying non-celebrities. Next!
More to come.....
Friday, August 28, 2009
Is Bluntski engaged?
Emily Blunt has been spotted around NYC sporting a big diamond on her left hand.
Guess The Office and Verizon ads pay well, young Krasinski.
And on another note, all of this recent Felicity talk makes me think that I'll be breaking out those dvds this weekend. I really miss that show.
To me, it's one of the greats. Terrific writing combined with a stellar cast of actors really took it to another level. And although I am not a fan of love triangles, I have to say that Keri and the two Scotts (which would make a superb band name) really brought out the best in each other. They played off of each other beautifully and made it one of the more difficult decisions for viewers. Whether you were Team Noel (*stink eye*) or Team Ben, you were witness to three tremendous actors showcasing their talents.
Gah! When is the reunion happening????
*UPDATE* John's rep has confirmed the engagement (not to me, silly. To People Magazine). Long live Bluntski!
Guess The Office and Verizon ads pay well, young Krasinski.
And on another note, all of this recent Felicity talk makes me think that I'll be breaking out those dvds this weekend. I really miss that show.
To me, it's one of the greats. Terrific writing combined with a stellar cast of actors really took it to another level. And although I am not a fan of love triangles, I have to say that Keri and the two Scotts (which would make a superb band name) really brought out the best in each other. They played off of each other beautifully and made it one of the more difficult decisions for viewers. Whether you were Team Noel (*stink eye*) or Team Ben, you were witness to three tremendous actors showcasing their talents.
Gah! When is the reunion happening????
*UPDATE* John's rep has confirmed the engagement (not to me, silly. To People Magazine). Long live Bluntski!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Minka Jeter?
Gah! What a horrible name. Keep your maiden name, Minka.
Rumors are swirling that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly are secretly engaged and will be marrying this fall. Is that anything like "secretly doing 'roids?" It will come out sooner or later, kids!
Hmmm.....
An insider told good ole' Page Six that they are telling friends to save a date later this year, after baseball season ends.
Well, I'm free after mid-September, so I'd be happy to help with any arrangements that need to be tended to. I am definitely open to helping with the seating chart and greeting guests at the reception and making them sign the guest book. I promise to keep A-Rod away from the festivities by throwing vials of HGH and the telephone numbers of strippers across the street from the reception hall. He'll be too busy to do the electric slide or jump up on stage with Jay-Z and B to sing "Crazy in Love" when there are roids and hos to be had. Kate who?
In other news, when certain people remind me of the many faults of one Mr. Benjamin Covington, it makes me sad. He was far from perfect. *Sigh*
Team Ben, we need to hear from you.
Rumors are swirling that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly are secretly engaged and will be marrying this fall. Is that anything like "secretly doing 'roids?" It will come out sooner or later, kids!
Hmmm.....
An insider told good ole' Page Six that they are telling friends to save a date later this year, after baseball season ends.
Well, I'm free after mid-September, so I'd be happy to help with any arrangements that need to be tended to. I am definitely open to helping with the seating chart and greeting guests at the reception and making them sign the guest book. I promise to keep A-Rod away from the festivities by throwing vials of HGH and the telephone numbers of strippers across the street from the reception hall. He'll be too busy to do the electric slide or jump up on stage with Jay-Z and B to sing "Crazy in Love" when there are roids and hos to be had. Kate who?
In other news, when certain people remind me of the many faults of one Mr. Benjamin Covington, it makes me sad. He was far from perfect. *Sigh*
Team Ben, we need to hear from you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
POSSIBLE new couple alert
I repeat: POSSIBLE.
It's from two separate Twitter postings, so take that as you will.
Some dude reported seeing Ryan Gosling and Kat Dennings together at Disneyland. Then Kat posted on her official Twitter saying she was at Disneyland with someone special.
Now, before McGoslings beat themselves to death with boat oars, remember that the dude could have been mistaken. Maybe Kat was there with someone that looked like Ryan.
I know, I know. WHO ELSE ON EARTH LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING AND CAN HE CALL ME?
Ahem.
Maybe it's true. Who knows? Time will tell.
Oars down, McGoslings.
It's from two separate Twitter postings, so take that as you will.
Some dude reported seeing Ryan Gosling and Kat Dennings together at Disneyland. Then Kat posted on her official Twitter saying she was at Disneyland with someone special.
Now, before McGoslings beat themselves to death with boat oars, remember that the dude could have been mistaken. Maybe Kat was there with someone that looked like Ryan.
I know, I know. WHO ELSE ON EARTH LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING AND CAN HE CALL ME?
Ahem.
Maybe it's true. Who knows? Time will tell.
Oars down, McGoslings.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Team Ben vs. Team Noel: Cage match style
As I recover from three straight hours of Project Runway, I have decided to give this blog over to you, loyal readers.
Team Ben? Tell me why. Team Noel. Ditto.
Each was cute, each was infuriating, and each dated women that made me want to scratch my eyes out when they weren't courting Felicity. Give me their Pros and Cons.
Safe weekend, everyone. Go Yanks and say a prayer that I survive a visit from The Diva.
Team Ben? Tell me why. Team Noel. Ditto.
Each was cute, each was infuriating, and each dated women that made me want to scratch my eyes out when they weren't courting Felicity. Give me their Pros and Cons.
Safe weekend, everyone. Go Yanks and say a prayer that I survive a visit from The Diva.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tim Gunn has no time for nonsense
And he shouldn't. He's Tim Gunn.
Tim, Heidi, and the rest of the gang are finally back on our TiVos tonight. FINALLY. After a bitchy battle between Bravo and Lifetime that has kept Season 6 off the air for months, it is time for not only a new season, but an All-Star edition that I hope will be a fight to the death!
Get out your scissors, sass, and questionable fashion sense, because we are going to Mood to pick out some outrageous fabrics.
I want to see the claws out and the sashays on. Or something. Work it, girls!
The two-hour All-Star edition begins at 8:00, with the Season 6 premiere starting at 10 on new home, Lifetime. Three hours of hysteria and couture, with a Nina Garcia bitch face and a Michael Kors eyeroll thrown in for good measure are a perfect way to kick things off.
And Nicole Kidman is a guest judge on the All-Star edition. Get out your Botox needles, everyone!
Tim, Heidi, and the rest of the gang are finally back on our TiVos tonight. FINALLY. After a bitchy battle between Bravo and Lifetime that has kept Season 6 off the air for months, it is time for not only a new season, but an All-Star edition that I hope will be a fight to the death!
Get out your scissors, sass, and questionable fashion sense, because we are going to Mood to pick out some outrageous fabrics.
I want to see the claws out and the sashays on. Or something. Work it, girls!
The two-hour All-Star edition begins at 8:00, with the Season 6 premiere starting at 10 on new home, Lifetime. Three hours of hysteria and couture, with a Nina Garcia bitch face and a Michael Kors eyeroll thrown in for good measure are a perfect way to kick things off.
And Nicole Kidman is a guest judge on the All-Star edition. Get out your Botox needles, everyone!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Noel Crane gets a job
And it's not just being cute.
Scott Foley, of Felicity and The Unit fame, has been cast in an upcoming episode of L&O: SVU. He'll play someone cute that wasn't as cute as Ben, so he had to marry someone else while Felicity lived happily ever with Ben.
Fen 4 ever!
Scott becomes the 2nd cute guy in Hollywood to suddenly find himself out of regular series work and jumping on to the mean streets of NY with Mariska and Chris. Mr. Wentworth Miller will also bring his piercing eyes to an episode this upcoming season. In fact, the Season Premiere! Oh la.
Scott will be seen in the 4th episode, entitled, "Noel Was Here." HA! Kidding.
It will be entitled "Hammered." Which is clearly what the writers were when they wrote that storyline of Felicity going back in time. I see you pounding back the tequila shots, Abrams and Reeves! You can't fool me.
I know this has been my first post in forever, but work has been a troublesome affair involving listening to others, sending multiple emails to various others, and acting like I care. It wears a girl out, I tell ya!
I am toying with a few new ideas for this site, including a Proj Run recap as well as weekly reader profiles. After those two weeks are over, we'll have to see what else I can come up with! Stay tuned!
Scott Foley, of Felicity and The Unit fame, has been cast in an upcoming episode of L&O: SVU. He'll play someone cute that wasn't as cute as Ben, so he had to marry someone else while Felicity lived happily ever with Ben.
Fen 4 ever!
Scott becomes the 2nd cute guy in Hollywood to suddenly find himself out of regular series work and jumping on to the mean streets of NY with Mariska and Chris. Mr. Wentworth Miller will also bring his piercing eyes to an episode this upcoming season. In fact, the Season Premiere! Oh la.
Scott will be seen in the 4th episode, entitled, "Noel Was Here." HA! Kidding.
It will be entitled "Hammered." Which is clearly what the writers were when they wrote that storyline of Felicity going back in time. I see you pounding back the tequila shots, Abrams and Reeves! You can't fool me.
I know this has been my first post in forever, but work has been a troublesome affair involving listening to others, sending multiple emails to various others, and acting like I care. It wears a girl out, I tell ya!
I am toying with a few new ideas for this site, including a Proj Run recap as well as weekly reader profiles. After those two weeks are over, we'll have to see what else I can come up with! Stay tuned!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Another reason to love Kathy Griffin
I think we are currently up to 4,824,673.
The foreward to Kathy's upcoming book, Official Book Club Selection, is a letter to Oprah.
Yes, that Oprah. Gayle's wife.
It is hilarious. She throws in Dr. Oz, Nate, her mom, Gayle, the Olsen twins and a list of O's celebrity friends.
The book will be released on 9/8.
The season finale of My Life on the D List is next Monday, 8/10.
The foreward to Kathy's upcoming book, Official Book Club Selection, is a letter to Oprah.
Yes, that Oprah. Gayle's wife.
It is hilarious. She throws in Dr. Oz, Nate, her mom, Gayle, the Olsen twins and a list of O's celebrity friends.
The book will be released on 9/8.
The season finale of My Life on the D List is next Monday, 8/10.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My favorite story of the day
The next film in the Batman series may have a lot of teeth and gums in it. Well, it will if Miley has anything to say about it!
According to The Globe (uh, yeah), young Ms. Cyrus took off her Hannah Montana weave, threw on a batsuit, and tried to pitch herself to Warner Bros. execs as Batgirl.
Say what now?
The mere thought is turning this rainy day into pure golden sunshine. Oh, that is priceless. Was Billy Ray there to throw out lines of dialogue for her to react to? Did one of the Jonai don a Robin suit and ignite a gay gasp in the conference room? Did Sean Young (who, years ago, dressed as Catwoman and embarrassed herself in front of movie execs) pull her suit out of storage and practice purring in front of a mirror?
Oh, the questions raised by this "story." Gold, Jerry!
According to The Globe (uh, yeah), young Ms. Cyrus took off her Hannah Montana weave, threw on a batsuit, and tried to pitch herself to Warner Bros. execs as Batgirl.
Say what now?
The mere thought is turning this rainy day into pure golden sunshine. Oh, that is priceless. Was Billy Ray there to throw out lines of dialogue for her to react to? Did one of the Jonai don a Robin suit and ignite a gay gasp in the conference room? Did Sean Young (who, years ago, dressed as Catwoman and embarrassed herself in front of movie execs) pull her suit out of storage and practice purring in front of a mirror?
Oh, the questions raised by this "story." Gold, Jerry!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Everybody hates Gwyneth, but the Brange likes Mickey D's
GOOP herself was not at Comic Con this weekend. Robert Downey Jr, Jon Favreau, and ScarJo were all there promoting Iron Man 2 without the greatest living actress alive. Was she too busy polishing her Oscar? Perhaps she was in the midst of one of her detox cleanses and couldn't leave the bathroom. Or maybe no one asked her stank self to participate and ScarJo is the woman to get all the press this go round and Bye, Gwyneth!
Let's go with the last one.
(In all honesty, is ScarJo that much better? She acts the fool when she is papped at LAX and covers her face. Ugh. Stop, ScarJo. And tell your husband to get the stick out of his ass, as well. A few more box office bombs and he'll be lucky to be asked back for the Two Guys and a Girl tv movie.)
In other news, the Brange was spotted with some of their brood at a McDonald's drive thru this past weekend. HOW FUN! Could you imagine handing over a bag to Brad filled with some fries and a 6-piece mcnuggets? Hilarious. From the looks of her, I'm pretty confident Angie got a soda at most. Girl, enjoy those fries. They are the best and finally cooked in vegetable oil (or so they say).
Live a little, Angie!
Let's go with the last one.
(In all honesty, is ScarJo that much better? She acts the fool when she is papped at LAX and covers her face. Ugh. Stop, ScarJo. And tell your husband to get the stick out of his ass, as well. A few more box office bombs and he'll be lucky to be asked back for the Two Guys and a Girl tv movie.)
In other news, the Brange was spotted with some of their brood at a McDonald's drive thru this past weekend. HOW FUN! Could you imagine handing over a bag to Brad filled with some fries and a 6-piece mcnuggets? Hilarious. From the looks of her, I'm pretty confident Angie got a soda at most. Girl, enjoy those fries. They are the best and finally cooked in vegetable oil (or so they say).
Live a little, Angie!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Joey Potter kicks up her heels
Oy.
I don't normally watch So You Think You Can Dance because I only have room for one dance competition in my life and that is Dancing with the Stars. I need some type of celeb to get me to watch, even if they are C or below. Plus, who doesn't love watching Bruno and Len out queen each other? Girls, simmer!
Well, tonight Ms. Katie Holmes is going to borrow a pair of Tom's wedges and strut her stuff on SYTYCD on behalf of the Dizzy Feet Foundation. It's a charity she co-founded to support art studies scholarships for kids. Nice job, Katie. Or Kate. Or Robot. Whichever she answers to these days.
This performance was pre-taped, as Katie is now in Australia shooting a movie. (No, it's not her own version of Benji Button, where instead of getting younger, Katie ages by decades in just a few years. Oh, girl. Doesn't Tom have some concealer you can borrow? Those bags aren't going to cover themselves. At least mine don't.)
Was Tom in the audience when this was taped? Was Katie audited before or after by fellow Scientologists? Are any male dancers involved, and did Tommy Boy hand pick them himself? Questions that need answers!
SYTYCD is on at some point tonight on FOX. I'm guessing an 8:00 start with it being the show's 100th episode.
I don't normally watch So You Think You Can Dance because I only have room for one dance competition in my life and that is Dancing with the Stars. I need some type of celeb to get me to watch, even if they are C or below. Plus, who doesn't love watching Bruno and Len out queen each other? Girls, simmer!
Well, tonight Ms. Katie Holmes is going to borrow a pair of Tom's wedges and strut her stuff on SYTYCD on behalf of the Dizzy Feet Foundation. It's a charity she co-founded to support art studies scholarships for kids. Nice job, Katie. Or Kate. Or Robot. Whichever she answers to these days.
This performance was pre-taped, as Katie is now in Australia shooting a movie. (No, it's not her own version of Benji Button, where instead of getting younger, Katie ages by decades in just a few years. Oh, girl. Doesn't Tom have some concealer you can borrow? Those bags aren't going to cover themselves. At least mine don't.)
Was Tom in the audience when this was taped? Was Katie audited before or after by fellow Scientologists? Are any male dancers involved, and did Tommy Boy hand pick them himself? Questions that need answers!
SYTYCD is on at some point tonight on FOX. I'm guessing an 8:00 start with it being the show's 100th episode.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Chris Brown stole my shirt...kind of
Did you check out the Chris Brown apology video on You Tube? Bitch, please!
First of all, I had a similar shirt to the one he wears in the video when I was in junior high. Ummm....that was in the 80s. Are those shirts making a comeback? Are off center buttons going to be the rage again? Were they ever? I swear that I got that shirt at a cool store. Ummm....possibly. Anyway, is Chris trying to bring this look back to distract people from his nonsense? Nice try, ass. Those gold buttons can only distract for so long!
Secondly, he beat the crap out of Rihanna in February. It's now the third week in July. 5 months for your lawyer to come up with a few minutes of dialogue, have someone write it out on cue cards, find an empty office, and rummage through my Good Will bag so you can have something to wear on camera? Really? Hmmm...FAIL!
Is this ass releasing an album soon? Have we been witness to opening night of the Chris Brown Apology Tour? I'm not buying. Who has money after buying U2 tickets? Those boys don't come cheap. And I don't condone violence that you get a slap on the wrist for after spending months jet skiing and hanging out at clubs like you don't have a care in the world.
Chris, get some counseling and stop this charade. Take some time off and get your life together.
My name is Judgey McJudgerson and I approve this message. Without buttons.
First of all, I had a similar shirt to the one he wears in the video when I was in junior high. Ummm....that was in the 80s. Are those shirts making a comeback? Are off center buttons going to be the rage again? Were they ever? I swear that I got that shirt at a cool store. Ummm....possibly. Anyway, is Chris trying to bring this look back to distract people from his nonsense? Nice try, ass. Those gold buttons can only distract for so long!
Secondly, he beat the crap out of Rihanna in February. It's now the third week in July. 5 months for your lawyer to come up with a few minutes of dialogue, have someone write it out on cue cards, find an empty office, and rummage through my Good Will bag so you can have something to wear on camera? Really? Hmmm...FAIL!
Is this ass releasing an album soon? Have we been witness to opening night of the Chris Brown Apology Tour? I'm not buying. Who has money after buying U2 tickets? Those boys don't come cheap. And I don't condone violence that you get a slap on the wrist for after spending months jet skiing and hanging out at clubs like you don't have a care in the world.
Chris, get some counseling and stop this charade. Take some time off and get your life together.
My name is Judgey McJudgerson and I approve this message. Without buttons.
Friday, July 17, 2009
This week sucked
Being the lone administrative drone in the office meant not only extra work, but extra time pretending to care. Ugh. No, you don't have to announce you are going to lunch when I see you leave everyday at the same time. Also, please cut down on the amount of cologne you subject the entire office to. Oh, and please shut your office door so that I am not subjected to phone calls with your brother, who, for some reason that only God knows, you feel the need to call by name every five seconds.
For example: Tom, I'm serious. No, Tom, Tom, seriously, Tom. No, Tom. I mean, Tom.....
While that is going on, I have a look on my face similar to the one Esther wears in the poster for the upcoming film, Orphan. Esther is supposed to be a little devil, but she may be my new hero. I won't judge until I see how annoying that step family is. Maybe they talk on the phone and repeat someone's name over and over. If so, Team Esther!
Yanks are back in action after the All-Star break, so let's hope there is some life in their bats (and HGH in their bodies). I'm sure with a few extra days of sun, A-Hole will be glowing a new shade of orange.
500 Days of Summer opens today. Go out and see it. Looks good and has the makings of my favorite summer film. Until I see Orphan, of course. Don't burn me alive, Esther!
Regular blogging next week....whatever that means.
For example: Tom, I'm serious. No, Tom, Tom, seriously, Tom. No, Tom. I mean, Tom.....
While that is going on, I have a look on my face similar to the one Esther wears in the poster for the upcoming film, Orphan. Esther is supposed to be a little devil, but she may be my new hero. I won't judge until I see how annoying that step family is. Maybe they talk on the phone and repeat someone's name over and over. If so, Team Esther!
Yanks are back in action after the All-Star break, so let's hope there is some life in their bats (and HGH in their bodies). I'm sure with a few extra days of sun, A-Hole will be glowing a new shade of orange.
500 Days of Summer opens today. Go out and see it. Looks good and has the makings of my favorite summer film. Until I see Orphan, of course. Don't burn me alive, Esther!
Regular blogging next week....whatever that means.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sam Ronson hates celebrity home tours
This reminds me of when I went on one with a friend years ago. We drove by the Menendez home and some people that were out on the balcony gave us the finger.
Anyway, Samantha Ronson's home in LA is now a stop on one of those star tours and skinny little Sam has her high tops in a bunch over it. She recently tweeted that she told a tour guide to STFU. Oh, Sam.
I thought the only time DJ Sam was home was late at night/early morning when she is woken up by the sound of Lindsay screaming that she's been robbed or that someone hacked her Blackberry. Wouldn't you think Sam would rather deal with a tour guide than Lindsay? I would. Crack is whack, yo!
If it gets to be too much I'm sure Sam will pack up her stereo and headphones and move out of LA. Because it must be nice to have money to do that. Ugh.
STFU, indeed.
Happy Friday, everyone!
Anyway, Samantha Ronson's home in LA is now a stop on one of those star tours and skinny little Sam has her high tops in a bunch over it. She recently tweeted that she told a tour guide to STFU. Oh, Sam.
I thought the only time DJ Sam was home was late at night/early morning when she is woken up by the sound of Lindsay screaming that she's been robbed or that someone hacked her Blackberry. Wouldn't you think Sam would rather deal with a tour guide than Lindsay? I would. Crack is whack, yo!
If it gets to be too much I'm sure Sam will pack up her stereo and headphones and move out of LA. Because it must be nice to have money to do that. Ugh.
STFU, indeed.
Happy Friday, everyone!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Sheer black shirts on men
Ummmm.....
I don't know where to begin.
Oh, here: MEN SHOULD NEVER WEAR THEM. I don't care if you find one in your size or if your girlfriend says you'll be the cutest guy in Da Club if you wear one. First of all, Gag! Secondly, your girlfriend is a loser if she thinks you should wear one and maybe you need to think about why you attract losers over a glass of wine and a good self-help book.
Let's start at the beginning: I used to have a huge crush on Jude Law. Like, I bought magazines if he was on the cover. (How I could afford that when I made less money than I do now is not something to dwell on). Anyway, if you don't know who Jude Law is or are making a face at the mere mention of his name, remember two things: I said USED TO have a crush, as in 'past tense' and ummmm.....did you not see The Talented Mr. Ripley?
Jude was beautiful. Seriously. That accent, that smile, that gleam in his eye. And obviously he was a good actor because he had to put up with Gwyneth's stank attitude but you never saw a hint of "Bitch, please!" on his face.
Jude was fab and everyone loved his performance and he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy and won the BAFTA for the role. And he was gracious and charming and married to Sadie Frost and blah blah blah.
Then came the remake of Alfie and his fateful meeting with Sienna Miller.
From then on it was not pretty. Like Maddie without makeup. Left Sadie for Sienna, then had an affair with the nanny, and his career was on a downturn and the more his hair started to recede it was like his body was working against him and actually saying, "Yeah, we want out, you perv. Later!"
Haven't felt the same about Jude since the whole Sienna fiasco because I like to judge and she is stank and a skank and why do men leave their wives for her???? Yes, Balthazar Getty, I'm also looking at you and judging. Tsk Tsk.
Flash forward to now and Jude is getting rave reviews for his starring role in Hamlet over in London. And his hair doesn't look as offensive as a few years ago and he's looked better than he has in a long time.
Then I see a pic of him signing for fans outside the theater in a sheer black shirt. With buttons. And a collar. (Not that it would be okay if it were a sheer black tee, but OMG someone put a collar and buttons on that mess and thought that would make it okay? It doesn't.
As if you weren't dead to me before, Jude.
He may as well have been wearing sandals.
UGH.
I know I haven't posted in a few days and my inbox has been flooded with good wishes and questions as to my whereabouts. Well, first of all, BACK OFF! I answer to no one. Secondly, work has been busy and annoying.
Thanks for your concern, George Glass, and others. Appreciate it!
I don't know where to begin.
Oh, here: MEN SHOULD NEVER WEAR THEM. I don't care if you find one in your size or if your girlfriend says you'll be the cutest guy in Da Club if you wear one. First of all, Gag! Secondly, your girlfriend is a loser if she thinks you should wear one and maybe you need to think about why you attract losers over a glass of wine and a good self-help book.
Let's start at the beginning: I used to have a huge crush on Jude Law. Like, I bought magazines if he was on the cover. (How I could afford that when I made less money than I do now is not something to dwell on). Anyway, if you don't know who Jude Law is or are making a face at the mere mention of his name, remember two things: I said USED TO have a crush, as in 'past tense' and ummmm.....did you not see The Talented Mr. Ripley?
Jude was beautiful. Seriously. That accent, that smile, that gleam in his eye. And obviously he was a good actor because he had to put up with Gwyneth's stank attitude but you never saw a hint of "Bitch, please!" on his face.
Jude was fab and everyone loved his performance and he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy and won the BAFTA for the role. And he was gracious and charming and married to Sadie Frost and blah blah blah.
Then came the remake of Alfie and his fateful meeting with Sienna Miller.
From then on it was not pretty. Like Maddie without makeup. Left Sadie for Sienna, then had an affair with the nanny, and his career was on a downturn and the more his hair started to recede it was like his body was working against him and actually saying, "Yeah, we want out, you perv. Later!"
Haven't felt the same about Jude since the whole Sienna fiasco because I like to judge and she is stank and a skank and why do men leave their wives for her???? Yes, Balthazar Getty, I'm also looking at you and judging. Tsk Tsk.
Flash forward to now and Jude is getting rave reviews for his starring role in Hamlet over in London. And his hair doesn't look as offensive as a few years ago and he's looked better than he has in a long time.
Then I see a pic of him signing for fans outside the theater in a sheer black shirt. With buttons. And a collar. (Not that it would be okay if it were a sheer black tee, but OMG someone put a collar and buttons on that mess and thought that would make it okay? It doesn't.
As if you weren't dead to me before, Jude.
He may as well have been wearing sandals.
UGH.
I know I haven't posted in a few days and my inbox has been flooded with good wishes and questions as to my whereabouts. Well, first of all, BACK OFF! I answer to no one. Secondly, work has been busy and annoying.
Thanks for your concern, George Glass, and others. Appreciate it!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Where has the time gone?
This week has gotten away from me. What with all the MJ coverage, a sale on Edy's at CVS, and the Yanks playing good baseball, I don't know which end is up.
But, you guys, Kevin Jonas got engaged. OMG! Can you believe it?
GAG! Next!
Neil Patrick Harris did such a good job hosting the Tony's, word is he has been asked to host the Emmy's in September. Love you, Neil. That would be fab and would help heal the painful memory of the five reality hosts from last year. Ugh. Still dry heave at the thought.
Unfortunately, I won't be trying for red carpet bleacher seats this year. In fact, I won't even be watching the ceremony live. (Don't fail me, TiVo!) On September 20th, I will be at Gillette Stadium watching U2 on fold out chairs and cursing people that are tall. Word to all: I will cut anyone that gets on another person's shoulders and blocks my view. You have been warned, dumb girls with dumb boyfriends who will tailgate in the parking lot and then try to make life miserable for those of us who are too old to put up with your crap. Old bitches can be scary and I will not tolerate nonsense.
Happy 4th, everyone!
But, you guys, Kevin Jonas got engaged. OMG! Can you believe it?
GAG! Next!
Neil Patrick Harris did such a good job hosting the Tony's, word is he has been asked to host the Emmy's in September. Love you, Neil. That would be fab and would help heal the painful memory of the five reality hosts from last year. Ugh. Still dry heave at the thought.
Unfortunately, I won't be trying for red carpet bleacher seats this year. In fact, I won't even be watching the ceremony live. (Don't fail me, TiVo!) On September 20th, I will be at Gillette Stadium watching U2 on fold out chairs and cursing people that are tall. Word to all: I will cut anyone that gets on another person's shoulders and blocks my view. You have been warned, dumb girls with dumb boyfriends who will tailgate in the parking lot and then try to make life miserable for those of us who are too old to put up with your crap. Old bitches can be scary and I will not tolerate nonsense.
Happy 4th, everyone!
Monday, June 29, 2009
My money is on Lindsay
They are dropping like flies in Hollywood.
Who will be next?
Well, if I was someone that had money enough to gamble, I would go all in on Lindsay. GIRL IS LOOKING BUSTED. Like a crack whore, yo.
The MGM Grand must be hard up for publicity, so they let Linds and her spray tan AND HER ACTUAL SPRAY TAN PRODUCT invade and infest their hotel this past weekend. Oh la. Spray some orange crap on me and get me to the nearest drug dealer! Mmmm...drugs.
This Thursday, Lindsay turns 23. Being an emaciated has been has never looked so bad.
Oy.
And Dina Lohan probably still thinks she is Mother of the Year.
Who will be next?
Well, if I was someone that had money enough to gamble, I would go all in on Lindsay. GIRL IS LOOKING BUSTED. Like a crack whore, yo.
The MGM Grand must be hard up for publicity, so they let Linds and her spray tan AND HER ACTUAL SPRAY TAN PRODUCT invade and infest their hotel this past weekend. Oh la. Spray some orange crap on me and get me to the nearest drug dealer! Mmmm...drugs.
This Thursday, Lindsay turns 23. Being an emaciated has been has never looked so bad.
Oy.
And Dina Lohan probably still thinks she is Mother of the Year.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Farrah Fawcett
RIP, Jill Munroe.
After a very public battle with cancer, Farrah passed away at the age of 62.
I was a huge fan of Charlie's Angels, which Farrah co-starred in from '76-'80. Ummmm....wasn't I too young to be watching that show? Anyway, I always wanted to be Kelly (Jaclyn Smith) when my friends and I played Charlie's Angels. I'm guessing my rationale was that I was also brunette and must have liked Kelly's flowing locks (unlike my frizzy rat's nest). Gah!
Anyway, Farrah said "Later, ladies!" after one season and went on to have a long career in film and television. She took home a Golden Globe for her portrayal of Francine Hughes in The Burning Bed, the 1984 tv movie about an abused wife that finally gets justice. I remember watching that on tv. INTENSE. She was also very good in the tv movie Small Sacrifices, in which she portrayed Diane Downs....a woman that shot her three children (killing one) because they stood in her way of happiness with her married lover. Oy.
Both films are probably on Lifetime at least once a year, so check them out.
After a very public battle with cancer, Farrah passed away at the age of 62.
I was a huge fan of Charlie's Angels, which Farrah co-starred in from '76-'80. Ummmm....wasn't I too young to be watching that show? Anyway, I always wanted to be Kelly (Jaclyn Smith) when my friends and I played Charlie's Angels. I'm guessing my rationale was that I was also brunette and must have liked Kelly's flowing locks (unlike my frizzy rat's nest). Gah!
Anyway, Farrah said "Later, ladies!" after one season and went on to have a long career in film and television. She took home a Golden Globe for her portrayal of Francine Hughes in The Burning Bed, the 1984 tv movie about an abused wife that finally gets justice. I remember watching that on tv. INTENSE. She was also very good in the tv movie Small Sacrifices, in which she portrayed Diane Downs....a woman that shot her three children (killing one) because they stood in her way of happiness with her married lover. Oy.
Both films are probably on Lifetime at least once a year, so check them out.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A new job for The Diva?
In addition to baking with organic goods and walking around construction sites with workboots and sass, I think I just found a new job for our resident Diva: recapping the trainwreck of Audrina Patridge's new show on MTV.
Sounds like a whole lot of wasted time and money for the network, but they don't seem to mind.
Easily one of the dumbest people alive, I'm sure having a camera follow her around while she fake lives her life and pretends to have a job will be riveting. Appointment television, for sure.
Filming begins at the end of summer.
In other news, our company picnic was lame-o. Mayo-drenched macaroni salad and watermelon slices don't cut it, picnic planners. Vegetarians get the short end of the stick again.
Sounds like a whole lot of wasted time and money for the network, but they don't seem to mind.
Easily one of the dumbest people alive, I'm sure having a camera follow her around while she fake lives her life and pretends to have a job will be riveting. Appointment television, for sure.
Filming begins at the end of summer.
In other news, our company picnic was lame-o. Mayo-drenched macaroni salad and watermelon slices don't cut it, picnic planners. Vegetarians get the short end of the stick again.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I need some caffeine
Seriously. Very tired the last few days. I'll blame the Yankees mental cruelty by sucking as badly as the Mets. For shame, boys. Time to tap off the syringe and get back to winning. Ugh. Atlanta. Chipper Jones meets his equal in skeeviness with A-Rod.
What else?
Oh, right. J&K+8. Bye bye, marriage. Those kids should run away as fast as they can.
Joe Jonas is a bitter bitch! Last night, he and his eyebrows gave a verbal smack to one Ms. Taylor Swift. Easy, Tweezy. While performing one of their lame ass songs, Much Better, Joe replaced the line "Now I'm done with super stars" with "Now I'm done with country stars." Mmmm hmmm. Could he have been talking about Kenny Chesney? Well, of course. But, I guess the real money is on Taylor. Doesn't he have a girlfriend? Simmer down, Joe Jonas, and use a lower setting on your straight iron.
Cammie D. got a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame yesterday. Was it deserved? Probably not. I mean, she was in two films that I've found entertaining: There's Something About Mary and In Her Shoes. However, she's in a lot of crap that I wouldn't even rent. But that's just me. And toothy Tom Cruise let Katie out of the house long enough for a show of support during the ceremony. How sweet.
The less said about Chris Brown's plea deal, the better.
What else?
Oh, right. J&K+8. Bye bye, marriage. Those kids should run away as fast as they can.
Joe Jonas is a bitter bitch! Last night, he and his eyebrows gave a verbal smack to one Ms. Taylor Swift. Easy, Tweezy. While performing one of their lame ass songs, Much Better, Joe replaced the line "Now I'm done with super stars" with "Now I'm done with country stars." Mmmm hmmm. Could he have been talking about Kenny Chesney? Well, of course. But, I guess the real money is on Taylor. Doesn't he have a girlfriend? Simmer down, Joe Jonas, and use a lower setting on your straight iron.
Cammie D. got a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame yesterday. Was it deserved? Probably not. I mean, she was in two films that I've found entertaining: There's Something About Mary and In Her Shoes. However, she's in a lot of crap that I wouldn't even rent. But that's just me. And toothy Tom Cruise let Katie out of the house long enough for a show of support during the ceremony. How sweet.
The less said about Chris Brown's plea deal, the better.
Friday, June 19, 2009
A worthy opponent for Shiloh
People is reporting that Tom and Gisele are expecting their first child. Good news for those of us that saw pics of her modeling this week and thought she had swallowed half a basketball.
This will be the 2nd child for Tom, who has a son with actress Bridget Moynahan. Guess all the pins in the voodoo dolls didn't work, Bridge.
Congrats to the happy couple, who will undoubtedly want a "Beauty Off" between their child and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. May the best genes win!
This will be the 2nd child for Tom, who has a son with actress Bridget Moynahan. Guess all the pins in the voodoo dolls didn't work, Bridge.
Congrats to the happy couple, who will undoubtedly want a "Beauty Off" between their child and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. May the best genes win!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
CMA Festival Day 3
And guess what? It's my last recap post, since Day 4 consisted of travel to various states. Sorry, dear readers, you are just going to have to put down the bong and use Google to read about who performed on the final day.
So, Day 3 - Saturday. Feeling better thanks to the power of prayer and white rice. The sun was out and it looked to be a great day to walk around and see all that downtown Nashville had to offer. And guess what? It offered a freebie bag with a nice commemorative program! Thank you, CMA Fest, for rewarding us for our 4-day passes. Would it have killed you to throw in a meet-n-greet with Darius Rucker? No, it would not have. But I digress.
A walk over to the Convention Center for Fan Fest proved that the sun is out and proud (and doesn't care who knows it!). I needed shelter soon or my Nicole Kidmanesque skin was going to burn right off.
Ah. Better. Inside there was air conditioning and food. I made it bland with a banana and found a place to park it. While waiting for my Aunt, The Diva, and Erin, I heard music coming from the floor below. Something was happening and my Spidey Senses were tingling (not to be confused with Speidi Senses, which would be an oxymoron). Down the escalator I went and found that The Divas of Daytime had made it all the way from Pine Valley (All My Children) and Llanview (One Life to Live). For real. Kassie DePaiva, Bobbie Eakes, and Kathy Brier were singing to a packed room of fans. My camera was acting all Lo Bosworth and not cooperating. Or maybe the lighting in the room SUCKED IT and my pics didn't come out too well. No worries, though. My stomach was cooperating and all was right with the world. On to the booths of Fan Fest!
There were a lot of fans wandering around. Some were in line for pics and autographs of people I didn't know. Oh, look: Dolly's booth, complete with cutout. Her waist is really tiny. I have no idea how she stands upright.
After a few minutes of wandering around, who do we see but The Divas of Daytime. They work quick! No rest for the weary. A performance and then on to a booth. I took a few pics and could see they were very sweet with the fans. They know better than anyone the power of a strong fanbase. Daytime audiences are a loyal bunch and can really keep you steadily employed for years. Decades, even. I know Kassie has been with One Life to Live for a very long time. Nice work if you can get it, I'm sure.
Next stop was The Wildhorse Saloon. An annoying sound check was taking place as we found seats. Oy. Work those kinks out early. *Smack* The band finally got it together and played a few songs before taking it elsewhere. Someone jumped on the loudspeaker and announced that dance lessons would start soon. Erin was thrilled, as she was ready to strut her stuff and show Nashville what's what.
Now, here is where Nashville and the Northeast differ. In Nashville, "soon" can mean up to hours later. In the Northeast, "soon" can AND DOES mean "within thirty minutes, TOPS, or I will key your car, pull your weave, and shove my Louboutin up your ass." But, we were in Nashville, and the dance lessons started roughly 90 minutes after the first announcement. (Oh, before then, Erin made her way down to the dance floor and learned a new dance from one of the staffers at the saloon. It was just the two of them treating the patrons to a sassy dance that featured stomping, turns, and knee lifts. Do I see a new workout video in the making?).
Let's call the dance instructor "Sparkles" because her cowboy boots did just that. After teaching Erin a dance, it was time for Sparkles to bring in the rest of the crowd. Erin was joined by my Aunt while The Diva and I watched from above. Kudos to all that got out there and took a turn on the floor. With the exception of the dude wearing flip flops, everyone tried their best to look like a human being with rhythm and common sense (DUDE, seriously, having a few beers in your system is no excuse to hold one of your flops in your hand while trying to dance. And STOP with the flip flops. Men should not expose their feet in public. EVER. Not even if you are at the beach. Wear water shoes. No one wants to see what lurks underneath your socks).
You can look for my thesis, "Keep Them Covered: the psychological ramifications of exposed male feet to the public" this Fall in Barnes & Noble stores worldwide and at Amazon.com.
After a rousing time at The Wildhorse, it was time to move on. Erin went to visit a friend and my Aunt, The Diva, and I went looking for food. We found a Panera and OMG....I could go for a toasted bagel right now. That was good! Love Panera.
Oh, how's this for wacky? On the way back to the car, we saw a line outside the Convention Center. Wanting to know what the deal was, my Aunt enquired and we found out that people were waiting in line for Taylor Swift. Not for concert tickets, but for the opportunity to meet her at her booth at Fan Fest. Tomorrow. Like, not Saturday, but Sunday. Seriously. People were sleeping outside over night (EWWWW, where's the bathroom???) in order to get wristbands (I think) at 8:30 Sunday morning that allowed them to be in line to meet Taylor. That is some dedication. I don't think I would even do that for U2. Well....hmmmm....no, I can't see myself sleeping outside. I don't like camping, and at least then you have a tent. This is a line that formed on concrete and didn't get more comfortable as the night wore on. Plus, you'd have to deal with other people and their conversations and sleeping habits and ugh. Stop. No way. Did I mention that it was a little after 7pm when we walked by this line? Craziness.
From there it was a hop, skip, and a car ride away to the field for the concert. And just who did we see? Well, check out this lineup: Josh Turner, Jamey Johnson, Jason Michael Carroll, Lee Ann Womack aka Stephanie Pratt (HA!), Wynonna Judd, Naomi Judd (Wynonna performed solo and was then joined by Naomi), Trace Adkins, and Martina McBride.
A few observations: Wynonna looks tranny. I'M SORRY! She needs to tone down the makeup. Her features are too severe. Oh, Wynnie. Less is more. Really.
Trace Adkins could easily become the next WWE champion. Good gracious, dude is scary. He could play the long lost cousin of The Undertaker and Kane. What? I know these things.
Martina McBride is a slight little thing with a huge voice. She was the perfect person to end the evening.
And with that, Day 3 came to a close. Complete with fireworks!
As I said earlier, Sunday was the last day of the Festival and it was travel day for myself, The Diva, and Erin. Little did I know that my plane ride would allow me two more star sightings. Well, it did! Jimmy Fallon and Kassie DePaiva were in First Class (ELITISTS!) on my flight home. Jimmy performed at Bonnaroo aka Stoner Fest and looked adorable in his polo and khakis. Love ya, James!
My sincere thanks to my Aunt, her dog, Ginger, The Diva, Erin, Pepto, rice, the nice people of Nashville, Darius Rucker, and all that participated in the Festival. Kudos to all. Lemon, out!
So, Day 3 - Saturday. Feeling better thanks to the power of prayer and white rice. The sun was out and it looked to be a great day to walk around and see all that downtown Nashville had to offer. And guess what? It offered a freebie bag with a nice commemorative program! Thank you, CMA Fest, for rewarding us for our 4-day passes. Would it have killed you to throw in a meet-n-greet with Darius Rucker? No, it would not have. But I digress.
A walk over to the Convention Center for Fan Fest proved that the sun is out and proud (and doesn't care who knows it!). I needed shelter soon or my Nicole Kidmanesque skin was going to burn right off.
Ah. Better. Inside there was air conditioning and food. I made it bland with a banana and found a place to park it. While waiting for my Aunt, The Diva, and Erin, I heard music coming from the floor below. Something was happening and my Spidey Senses were tingling (not to be confused with Speidi Senses, which would be an oxymoron). Down the escalator I went and found that The Divas of Daytime had made it all the way from Pine Valley (All My Children) and Llanview (One Life to Live). For real. Kassie DePaiva, Bobbie Eakes, and Kathy Brier were singing to a packed room of fans. My camera was acting all Lo Bosworth and not cooperating. Or maybe the lighting in the room SUCKED IT and my pics didn't come out too well. No worries, though. My stomach was cooperating and all was right with the world. On to the booths of Fan Fest!
There were a lot of fans wandering around. Some were in line for pics and autographs of people I didn't know. Oh, look: Dolly's booth, complete with cutout. Her waist is really tiny. I have no idea how she stands upright.
After a few minutes of wandering around, who do we see but The Divas of Daytime. They work quick! No rest for the weary. A performance and then on to a booth. I took a few pics and could see they were very sweet with the fans. They know better than anyone the power of a strong fanbase. Daytime audiences are a loyal bunch and can really keep you steadily employed for years. Decades, even. I know Kassie has been with One Life to Live for a very long time. Nice work if you can get it, I'm sure.
Next stop was The Wildhorse Saloon. An annoying sound check was taking place as we found seats. Oy. Work those kinks out early. *Smack* The band finally got it together and played a few songs before taking it elsewhere. Someone jumped on the loudspeaker and announced that dance lessons would start soon. Erin was thrilled, as she was ready to strut her stuff and show Nashville what's what.
Now, here is where Nashville and the Northeast differ. In Nashville, "soon" can mean up to hours later. In the Northeast, "soon" can AND DOES mean "within thirty minutes, TOPS, or I will key your car, pull your weave, and shove my Louboutin up your ass." But, we were in Nashville, and the dance lessons started roughly 90 minutes after the first announcement. (Oh, before then, Erin made her way down to the dance floor and learned a new dance from one of the staffers at the saloon. It was just the two of them treating the patrons to a sassy dance that featured stomping, turns, and knee lifts. Do I see a new workout video in the making?).
Let's call the dance instructor "Sparkles" because her cowboy boots did just that. After teaching Erin a dance, it was time for Sparkles to bring in the rest of the crowd. Erin was joined by my Aunt while The Diva and I watched from above. Kudos to all that got out there and took a turn on the floor. With the exception of the dude wearing flip flops, everyone tried their best to look like a human being with rhythm and common sense (DUDE, seriously, having a few beers in your system is no excuse to hold one of your flops in your hand while trying to dance. And STOP with the flip flops. Men should not expose their feet in public. EVER. Not even if you are at the beach. Wear water shoes. No one wants to see what lurks underneath your socks).
You can look for my thesis, "Keep Them Covered: the psychological ramifications of exposed male feet to the public" this Fall in Barnes & Noble stores worldwide and at Amazon.com.
After a rousing time at The Wildhorse, it was time to move on. Erin went to visit a friend and my Aunt, The Diva, and I went looking for food. We found a Panera and OMG....I could go for a toasted bagel right now. That was good! Love Panera.
Oh, how's this for wacky? On the way back to the car, we saw a line outside the Convention Center. Wanting to know what the deal was, my Aunt enquired and we found out that people were waiting in line for Taylor Swift. Not for concert tickets, but for the opportunity to meet her at her booth at Fan Fest. Tomorrow. Like, not Saturday, but Sunday. Seriously. People were sleeping outside over night (EWWWW, where's the bathroom???) in order to get wristbands (I think) at 8:30 Sunday morning that allowed them to be in line to meet Taylor. That is some dedication. I don't think I would even do that for U2. Well....hmmmm....no, I can't see myself sleeping outside. I don't like camping, and at least then you have a tent. This is a line that formed on concrete and didn't get more comfortable as the night wore on. Plus, you'd have to deal with other people and their conversations and sleeping habits and ugh. Stop. No way. Did I mention that it was a little after 7pm when we walked by this line? Craziness.
From there it was a hop, skip, and a car ride away to the field for the concert. And just who did we see? Well, check out this lineup: Josh Turner, Jamey Johnson, Jason Michael Carroll, Lee Ann Womack aka Stephanie Pratt (HA!), Wynonna Judd, Naomi Judd (Wynonna performed solo and was then joined by Naomi), Trace Adkins, and Martina McBride.
A few observations: Wynonna looks tranny. I'M SORRY! She needs to tone down the makeup. Her features are too severe. Oh, Wynnie. Less is more. Really.
Trace Adkins could easily become the next WWE champion. Good gracious, dude is scary. He could play the long lost cousin of The Undertaker and Kane. What? I know these things.
Martina McBride is a slight little thing with a huge voice. She was the perfect person to end the evening.
And with that, Day 3 came to a close. Complete with fireworks!
As I said earlier, Sunday was the last day of the Festival and it was travel day for myself, The Diva, and Erin. Little did I know that my plane ride would allow me two more star sightings. Well, it did! Jimmy Fallon and Kassie DePaiva were in First Class (ELITISTS!) on my flight home. Jimmy performed at Bonnaroo aka Stoner Fest and looked adorable in his polo and khakis. Love ya, James!
My sincere thanks to my Aunt, her dog, Ginger, The Diva, Erin, Pepto, rice, the nice people of Nashville, Darius Rucker, and all that participated in the Festival. Kudos to all. Lemon, out!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
CMA Music Festival - Day 2
Before I get to my recap of Day 2, let me address something I forgot to touch on yesterday. I'm sure by now you have all heard about Speidi vs. Al Roker. I guess the gruesome twosome is on a publicity tour after the debacle of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! UGH. Stop. These two make me want to reach for the Pepto and take lessons at a shooting range (for BB guns, of course, Officer!).
The bottom line is this: don't mess with Al Roker aka Al Nino. The man endured Bryant Gumbel. He isn't afraid of two people with a combined IQ of 5 that wouldn't know integrity if it stumbled up to them during a staged photo op on Robertson Blvd. and bit them on the legs. Team Roker 4 Eva!
Moving on.....
So, Day 2 of the CMA Music Festival was Friday. How can I put this gently without offending the two of you who might be reading this? Umm....oh, wait. If it's the two I'm thinking of, you were there and know what happened. Well, let me recap anyway for those of you that might stumble onto this blog after an all-night bender: my stomach ailment decided to put down roots and fester. Isn't 'fester' a disgusting word? Well, it works in this situation.
That meant I was homebound at my Aunt's and got to catch up on my soaps. Did you know that so and so lied about the father of her baby? She did. Whore! And the guy that thought he was the father was pissed, but only after his mother accused him of being an idiot for trusting that slut. Oh, mothers. They really know how to bring out the best in us. And that other guy, who has been on the show forever, was doing something evil. Or something. I don't know. It was Friday, after all, and bad things usually happen or are set up to happen on Monday. My head was spinning! Darius, catch me. I'm feeling weak.
While I was drinking Sprite, hallucinating, and hoping that my cat was being well taken care of back in Stamford, my Aunt, The Diva, and Erin hit up Fan Fest. That's where they set up booths for different artists and you can have your picture taken with them and get an autograph. Don't crowd Chuck Wicks, ladies (or gays), because Julianne will take off her heel and gouge your eyes out with it! Little does she know that some of us are still trying to recover from the long-sleeved black lace (yes, I said LACE) shirt that poor Chuck had to wear during one of their routines on Dancing with the Stars this past season. I need to talk to the wardrobe department STAT. Stop taking Louie Van Amstel's suggestions!
There was also a stop at the Wildhorse Saloon. This place is fun (as I would find out on Saturday). Three levels encase a stage and dance floor. You can hear bands play as well as get dance lessons from some of the staff. Yee-haw!
Later on, it was time for the show. My Aunt and I stayed home this night, but The Diva and Erin were treated to Little Big Town, Rodney Atkins, Lady Antebellum, Jake Owen, The Zac Brown Band, Jason Aldean, and Kid Rock (well, actually, they missed his set which neither seemed to mind because he's Kid Rock and just...NO). The absence of rain meant that the concert went off without a hitch and a good time was had by all.
Tomorrow: Sipping ginger ale and spotting a tranny on stage
The bottom line is this: don't mess with Al Roker aka Al Nino. The man endured Bryant Gumbel. He isn't afraid of two people with a combined IQ of 5 that wouldn't know integrity if it stumbled up to them during a staged photo op on Robertson Blvd. and bit them on the legs. Team Roker 4 Eva!
Moving on.....
So, Day 2 of the CMA Music Festival was Friday. How can I put this gently without offending the two of you who might be reading this? Umm....oh, wait. If it's the two I'm thinking of, you were there and know what happened. Well, let me recap anyway for those of you that might stumble onto this blog after an all-night bender: my stomach ailment decided to put down roots and fester. Isn't 'fester' a disgusting word? Well, it works in this situation.
That meant I was homebound at my Aunt's and got to catch up on my soaps. Did you know that so and so lied about the father of her baby? She did. Whore! And the guy that thought he was the father was pissed, but only after his mother accused him of being an idiot for trusting that slut. Oh, mothers. They really know how to bring out the best in us. And that other guy, who has been on the show forever, was doing something evil. Or something. I don't know. It was Friday, after all, and bad things usually happen or are set up to happen on Monday. My head was spinning! Darius, catch me. I'm feeling weak.
While I was drinking Sprite, hallucinating, and hoping that my cat was being well taken care of back in Stamford, my Aunt, The Diva, and Erin hit up Fan Fest. That's where they set up booths for different artists and you can have your picture taken with them and get an autograph. Don't crowd Chuck Wicks, ladies (or gays), because Julianne will take off her heel and gouge your eyes out with it! Little does she know that some of us are still trying to recover from the long-sleeved black lace (yes, I said LACE) shirt that poor Chuck had to wear during one of their routines on Dancing with the Stars this past season. I need to talk to the wardrobe department STAT. Stop taking Louie Van Amstel's suggestions!
There was also a stop at the Wildhorse Saloon. This place is fun (as I would find out on Saturday). Three levels encase a stage and dance floor. You can hear bands play as well as get dance lessons from some of the staff. Yee-haw!
Later on, it was time for the show. My Aunt and I stayed home this night, but The Diva and Erin were treated to Little Big Town, Rodney Atkins, Lady Antebellum, Jake Owen, The Zac Brown Band, Jason Aldean, and Kid Rock (well, actually, they missed his set which neither seemed to mind because he's Kid Rock and just...NO). The absence of rain meant that the concert went off without a hitch and a good time was had by all.
Tomorrow: Sipping ginger ale and spotting a tranny on stage
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
So behind
I was away for a few days and am behind in my blogging. My apologies to all of you (huh?) that have been curled into a ball crying your eyes out.
Get up, get a tissue, wipe your eyes, and breathe deep.
It will be okay.
Linds is still too thin, Suri still isn't wearing shoes, Brit is still keeping it together, and John Krasinski still won't return my calls that I make on my pretend phone.
Was in Nashville for the CMA Festival with my Aunt Lori, The Diva, and loyal reader and Penn State graduate, Erin. We had a blast and would like to thank all those in TN for their hospitality and courteous nature. I would also like to thank God and the power of Pepto for getting me through a stomach virus at a most inconvenient time.
Did someone say tornado warning? No? Well, you should. Because we had one. First night of the Festival was delayed for 3 hours due to severe storms. It was quite a sight. Are you there, God? It's me, a Darius Rucker fan. Please don't let me die without seeing him perform some of his solo material.
Thankfully, Erin's flight delay actually worked out okay, as she only missed Brooks & Dunn and two songs by Reba. Did I mention that B&D performed for 45 minutes? Ummm....I know it wasn't just my upset stomach wishing that would end.
After fearing for our lives within the glass-enclosed Club Level, the rain finally came to an end and the concert resumed....at 12:30 Friday morning! Say what, now? It's true. The concert actually resumed. We were all stunned. The question then became, who remained to perform? Was this Julianne Hough's time to shine as she starts her music career? Or was some crew member going to emerge from the shadows and perform his version of "Ring of Fire" because all of the professional acts ran for the hills?
Luckily, Joe the Roadie was not on the schedule for the early morning concert. (Sorry, Joe. Your time will come soon!). The doofy MC announced that it was "Capitol Records recording artist, Darius Rucker!!!!" Yee-Haw and all that, bitches! Darius not only flashed his pearly whites, but he also kicked our collective asses with 4 songs and a two-step to boot! Hootie is here and you all better bow down. Wipe the rain from your face and try to keep up with his fancy footwork. His foray into the crowd during his last song (which The Diva told me was "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams, Jr.) was the capper to his lively performance. It was just what we needed after fearing that we were going to be swept up by a tornado and thrown into a tree in Oz. Thank you, Darius!
Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley rounded out the early morning show, which ended at 2:00am. All three men were energetic and appreciative of the crowd that stayed through the rain. As someone who isn't too familiar with country music, I was impressed and thought it was a great start to the 4-day Festival.
Tomorrow: Pass the Pepto and bring on Night 2.
Get up, get a tissue, wipe your eyes, and breathe deep.
It will be okay.
Linds is still too thin, Suri still isn't wearing shoes, Brit is still keeping it together, and John Krasinski still won't return my calls that I make on my pretend phone.
Was in Nashville for the CMA Festival with my Aunt Lori, The Diva, and loyal reader and Penn State graduate, Erin. We had a blast and would like to thank all those in TN for their hospitality and courteous nature. I would also like to thank God and the power of Pepto for getting me through a stomach virus at a most inconvenient time.
Did someone say tornado warning? No? Well, you should. Because we had one. First night of the Festival was delayed for 3 hours due to severe storms. It was quite a sight. Are you there, God? It's me, a Darius Rucker fan. Please don't let me die without seeing him perform some of his solo material.
Thankfully, Erin's flight delay actually worked out okay, as she only missed Brooks & Dunn and two songs by Reba. Did I mention that B&D performed for 45 minutes? Ummm....I know it wasn't just my upset stomach wishing that would end.
After fearing for our lives within the glass-enclosed Club Level, the rain finally came to an end and the concert resumed....at 12:30 Friday morning! Say what, now? It's true. The concert actually resumed. We were all stunned. The question then became, who remained to perform? Was this Julianne Hough's time to shine as she starts her music career? Or was some crew member going to emerge from the shadows and perform his version of "Ring of Fire" because all of the professional acts ran for the hills?
Luckily, Joe the Roadie was not on the schedule for the early morning concert. (Sorry, Joe. Your time will come soon!). The doofy MC announced that it was "Capitol Records recording artist, Darius Rucker!!!!" Yee-Haw and all that, bitches! Darius not only flashed his pearly whites, but he also kicked our collective asses with 4 songs and a two-step to boot! Hootie is here and you all better bow down. Wipe the rain from your face and try to keep up with his fancy footwork. His foray into the crowd during his last song (which The Diva told me was "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams, Jr.) was the capper to his lively performance. It was just what we needed after fearing that we were going to be swept up by a tornado and thrown into a tree in Oz. Thank you, Darius!
Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley rounded out the early morning show, which ended at 2:00am. All three men were energetic and appreciative of the crowd that stayed through the rain. As someone who isn't too familiar with country music, I was impressed and thought it was a great start to the 4-day Festival.
Tomorrow: Pass the Pepto and bring on Night 2.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Poison at the Tony's
This isn't the title of a new murder mystery, but rather a fact about last night's award show.
Seriously. The group Poison. At The Tony's.
Lead by nasty ass mimbo, Bret Michaels, the group performed (well, Bret lip synched) "Nothing But a Good Time" from the 80's homage musical, Rock of Ages.
I hope the front row was up-to-date on their shots. Who knows what you can catch from just being near Bret?
Well, as the song ended, the group was to exit stage right. According to a producer, Bret "missed his mark," and was hit by some scenery for the next performance. Whoops! But, like any good old dude that was in a popular band years ago, Bret wasn't going to let a little scenery to the face get in the way of free booze. The horse-haired playa made his way to the after parties, so he must be okay. Or just hammered enough that he won't feel any pain until Thursday.
NPH as host was divine.
Seriously. The group Poison. At The Tony's.
Lead by nasty ass mimbo, Bret Michaels, the group performed (well, Bret lip synched) "Nothing But a Good Time" from the 80's homage musical, Rock of Ages.
I hope the front row was up-to-date on their shots. Who knows what you can catch from just being near Bret?
Well, as the song ended, the group was to exit stage right. According to a producer, Bret "missed his mark," and was hit by some scenery for the next performance. Whoops! But, like any good old dude that was in a popular band years ago, Bret wasn't going to let a little scenery to the face get in the way of free booze. The horse-haired playa made his way to the after parties, so he must be okay. Or just hammered enough that he won't feel any pain until Thursday.
NPH as host was divine.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen were bitches
Sounds like a stern talking to from Gran wouldn't have helped these troubled youths.
Last night in LA LA Land, Tom Kapinos, creator of Californication, talked about his days as show runner on Dawson's Creek. He did not mince words when asked why his experience was "miserable."
Are you ready? Grab a snack. Get comfy. I'll wait.
"It was the four monstrous actors at the core of it."
MMMMM HMMMM.
Dude called out James, Katie, Josh, and Michelle for being stank on set. Tommy boy went on to say "They were young, and they got very famous, and they made life miserable for any writer or producer on the show."
The Beek I can see. He seems the type to count words in the script to make sure he had the most. Katie could maybe be a 'mean girl' that wanted all of the attention. Josh was probably the 'class clown' on set, and that would grate on my last nerve. Michelle always seemed like the one who wanted out first. She was probably already dreaming of living in Brooklyn and making indies and spending a lot of time in her trailer making voodoo dolls of other cast members.
On the flip side, of course, this dude got stuck with the college years of the show. Those were bad. I mean, they were no Felicity, and that is the standard by which all college years should be judged by.
Amazing, right?
Last night in LA LA Land, Tom Kapinos, creator of Californication, talked about his days as show runner on Dawson's Creek. He did not mince words when asked why his experience was "miserable."
Are you ready? Grab a snack. Get comfy. I'll wait.
"It was the four monstrous actors at the core of it."
MMMMM HMMMM.
Dude called out James, Katie, Josh, and Michelle for being stank on set. Tommy boy went on to say "They were young, and they got very famous, and they made life miserable for any writer or producer on the show."
The Beek I can see. He seems the type to count words in the script to make sure he had the most. Katie could maybe be a 'mean girl' that wanted all of the attention. Josh was probably the 'class clown' on set, and that would grate on my last nerve. Michelle always seemed like the one who wanted out first. She was probably already dreaming of living in Brooklyn and making indies and spending a lot of time in her trailer making voodoo dolls of other cast members.
On the flip side, of course, this dude got stuck with the college years of the show. Those were bad. I mean, they were no Felicity, and that is the standard by which all college years should be judged by.
Amazing, right?
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
The recap you've all been waiting for
Even though it's a day late. The Diva apparently does not believe in deadlines.
*smack*
If, like me, you took a look at this mess of a finale, you are still recovering and reading encyclopedias in an attempt to grow back some brain cells.
So long, Lauren! Tonight is the night we say goodbye to Lauren, hello (again) to Kristin, and WTF to the official union of Speidi. Can you even handle it all?
Forget about Lauren's next steps, Lo. What are you gonna do with yourself now that your bestie is saying adios to this cash cow?
Do not subject swans to this wedding. Let them roam free.
Did crackhead Stephanie really expect to be Heidi's maid of honor (MOH in wedding jive)?
Who are these background no-names at Heidi's bridal shower? They reek of paid extras.
While out to dinner with Brody, Lauren didn't understand what anyone with two brothers already knows: boys never outgrow the pure comedy that anything fart related delivers.
I couldn't tell if Spencer and Brody were going to tearfully embrace or erupt into a fist fight during their meet and greet. Weird vibes all around those two.
Stephanie gives one toast and all of a sudden she thinks she's a philosopher or something.
Heidi's family is totally losing their collective mind on the eve of this wedding. Dys-functional.
Spencer's groomsmen (friends or paid extras again...you decide) have real jobs? Shocking.
Maybe Lauren will decide to break into acting next. She knows that she is gonna fold and go to the wedding but she does a good job of making us believe otherwise.
Brent Bolthouse, it's been way too long since we've seen you in a stupid looking hat.
Stacie the Bartender has certainly gotten more miles than I thought she would. Showing up to the wedding is crazy bold. But mostly just crazy.
I see Kristin didn't think a bra should be a part of her wedding ensemble. Besides that, doesn't she look a little bit like she has "crazy eyes" now? I'm calling an overall downgrade from her Laguna days.
Why in the non-MTV produced world would Justin Bobby get an invite to the wedding? He's not friends with the bride or groom and he has an inappropriate wedding fashion sense.
Does Lauren have Secret Service to go along with her chauffeured car? I guess she just wanted to go out in style.
*smack*
If, like me, you took a look at this mess of a finale, you are still recovering and reading encyclopedias in an attempt to grow back some brain cells.
So long, Lauren! Tonight is the night we say goodbye to Lauren, hello (again) to Kristin, and WTF to the official union of Speidi. Can you even handle it all?
Forget about Lauren's next steps, Lo. What are you gonna do with yourself now that your bestie is saying adios to this cash cow?
Do not subject swans to this wedding. Let them roam free.
Did crackhead Stephanie really expect to be Heidi's maid of honor (MOH in wedding jive)?
Who are these background no-names at Heidi's bridal shower? They reek of paid extras.
While out to dinner with Brody, Lauren didn't understand what anyone with two brothers already knows: boys never outgrow the pure comedy that anything fart related delivers.
I couldn't tell if Spencer and Brody were going to tearfully embrace or erupt into a fist fight during their meet and greet. Weird vibes all around those two.
Stephanie gives one toast and all of a sudden she thinks she's a philosopher or something.
Heidi's family is totally losing their collective mind on the eve of this wedding. Dys-functional.
Spencer's groomsmen (friends or paid extras again...you decide) have real jobs? Shocking.
Maybe Lauren will decide to break into acting next. She knows that she is gonna fold and go to the wedding but she does a good job of making us believe otherwise.
Brent Bolthouse, it's been way too long since we've seen you in a stupid looking hat.
Stacie the Bartender has certainly gotten more miles than I thought she would. Showing up to the wedding is crazy bold. But mostly just crazy.
I see Kristin didn't think a bra should be a part of her wedding ensemble. Besides that, doesn't she look a little bit like she has "crazy eyes" now? I'm calling an overall downgrade from her Laguna days.
Why in the non-MTV produced world would Justin Bobby get an invite to the wedding? He's not friends with the bride or groom and he has an inappropriate wedding fashion sense.
Does Lauren have Secret Service to go along with her chauffeured car? I guess she just wanted to go out in style.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
For the love of Shiloh
Watching The Hills fakery.
The Diva has her hands full with this recap.
And WHAT THE HELL is up with Megan Fox's hair? Slicked back with gel is not a good look for this tranny.
The Diva has her hands full with this recap.
And WHAT THE HELL is up with Megan Fox's hair? Slicked back with gel is not a good look for this tranny.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Candy Spelling is not a Donna Martin fan
And can you blame her? I mean, she and Andrea were the most annoying characters on 90210. Remember that mermaid costume she wore to a Halloween party one year? She couldn't walk around in it, so she basically just stayed in a corner acting the fool for most of the party? Ugh. Why do I remember this crap.
Oh, wait. Candy is not a Tori Spelling fan.
In a recent radio interview with 94.7 WMAS in Springfield, MA, Candy said that the estrangement between Aaron and Tori is what lead to Aaron's death.
Zing!
Candy believes that Tori ditched the entire family (Aaron, Candy, and brother, Randy) when she realized her father could no longer do anything for her due to his illness.
Yikes!
What a mess. And I know from family messes. This one has a lot of bitterness. I mean, you can practically taste it. And it makes you feel sick. Almost as sick as seeing pics of Tori because she has gotten so thin. She's twiggy with fake boobs and it's upsetting because you know she is worried that her gross husband will leave her for someone else...just like he left his first wife for Tori.
Hollywood is full of idiots. Candy and Tori are two of them.
Oh, wait. Candy is not a Tori Spelling fan.
In a recent radio interview with 94.7 WMAS in Springfield, MA, Candy said that the estrangement between Aaron and Tori is what lead to Aaron's death.
Zing!
Candy believes that Tori ditched the entire family (Aaron, Candy, and brother, Randy) when she realized her father could no longer do anything for her due to his illness.
Yikes!
What a mess. And I know from family messes. This one has a lot of bitterness. I mean, you can practically taste it. And it makes you feel sick. Almost as sick as seeing pics of Tori because she has gotten so thin. She's twiggy with fake boobs and it's upsetting because you know she is worried that her gross husband will leave her for someone else...just like he left his first wife for Tori.
Hollywood is full of idiots. Candy and Tori are two of them.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Nicole Kidman does herself a favor
She went back to being a redhead.
So much better. Her coloring screams for a dark hair color. Finally, she listened.
Did you see the movie Dead Calm? Do yourself a favor. Great thriller. Nicole was stunning. See? I actually said something nice about her. She and Sam Neill played a couple trying to forget a horrible accident by taking some time on their boat. They encounter a completely creepy and hot Billy Zane. Before he went all chauvinistic a-hole in Titanic, Billy Zane was hot. And crazy.
Anyway, Nicole was a redhead and the lighting on the film was really great and she looked fresh and vibrant. And the movie poster is freaky as hell and you should really check it out.
I think being nice warrants a cupcake. Mmmmm....
So much better. Her coloring screams for a dark hair color. Finally, she listened.
Did you see the movie Dead Calm? Do yourself a favor. Great thriller. Nicole was stunning. See? I actually said something nice about her. She and Sam Neill played a couple trying to forget a horrible accident by taking some time on their boat. They encounter a completely creepy and hot Billy Zane. Before he went all chauvinistic a-hole in Titanic, Billy Zane was hot. And crazy.
Anyway, Nicole was a redhead and the lighting on the film was really great and she looked fresh and vibrant. And the movie poster is freaky as hell and you should really check it out.
I think being nice warrants a cupcake. Mmmmm....
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Giving Goonies a bad name
Ugh.
Seriously.
Josh Brolin is an ass.
Used to love him. I mean, he was in The Goonies. Please. You loved it.
In Touch Weekly is reporting that Josh is openly cheating with some local skank in New Orleans while filming his new movie.
Uh....hmmmmm.
Josh is married to Diane Lane. Diane Lane, people. She was in Streets of Fire. And The Outsiders. And a gazillion movies with Richard Gere. She is gorgeous, talented, and too good for Josh's punk ass.
Yes, I said punk ass.
Remember the domestic violence charges against Josh? Uh-huh. That was his downfall. This is just the icing on a moldy cake.
Run, Diane. You don't need this.
Seriously.
Josh Brolin is an ass.
Used to love him. I mean, he was in The Goonies. Please. You loved it.
In Touch Weekly is reporting that Josh is openly cheating with some local skank in New Orleans while filming his new movie.
Uh....hmmmmm.
Josh is married to Diane Lane. Diane Lane, people. She was in Streets of Fire. And The Outsiders. And a gazillion movies with Richard Gere. She is gorgeous, talented, and too good for Josh's punk ass.
Yes, I said punk ass.
Remember the domestic violence charges against Josh? Uh-huh. That was his downfall. This is just the icing on a moldy cake.
Run, Diane. You don't need this.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Hills
After watching the nightmare that was the extended season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8, I (foolishly) decided to switch to the last 10 minutes of The Hills. Good gracious. The Diva makes sense of what we all witnessed below.
Another Monday night means another dose of Hills madness...
Isn't it every girl's dream to have a person you're no longer friends with as you exchange your vows? Heidi, I'm over getting Lauren to show up at your wedding and you should be too.
I can't dislike Spencer for a City Slickers reference. I can dislike him for those stupid sunglasses, though.
At least Heidi has enough sense to go to a respectable wedding dress designer. I'm not thrilled with her particular purchase, but we don't really have the same fashion tastes, now do we?
I'm feeling premature awkwardness for the Stephanie-Kelly Cutrone face-off that is going to ensue at this party. One half of the equation is clueless, and the other is just heinous. Recipe for disaster.
Did I just completely miss the great "friendship" that blossomed between Audrina and Brody over the past few years? Get over it Audrina. You were barely good acquaintances.
Paging Kelly Cutrone: you are now paying Lauren to have a gabfest with Heidi in your office. Get her!
Which Hills producer is responsible for penning that little speech for Spencer? It wasn't exactly Shakespeare, but it was about 100 times more intelligent than anything that's come out of his mouth before.
Next week's finale looks full of tears and shocked facial expressions, with a dash of matrimonial craziness thrown in for extra viewing pleasure. Extra double bonus: Kristin's return. Oh, the anticipation.
Another Monday night means another dose of Hills madness...
Isn't it every girl's dream to have a person you're no longer friends with as you exchange your vows? Heidi, I'm over getting Lauren to show up at your wedding and you should be too.
I can't dislike Spencer for a City Slickers reference. I can dislike him for those stupid sunglasses, though.
At least Heidi has enough sense to go to a respectable wedding dress designer. I'm not thrilled with her particular purchase, but we don't really have the same fashion tastes, now do we?
I'm feeling premature awkwardness for the Stephanie-Kelly Cutrone face-off that is going to ensue at this party. One half of the equation is clueless, and the other is just heinous. Recipe for disaster.
Did I just completely miss the great "friendship" that blossomed between Audrina and Brody over the past few years? Get over it Audrina. You were barely good acquaintances.
Paging Kelly Cutrone: you are now paying Lauren to have a gabfest with Heidi in your office. Get her!
Which Hills producer is responsible for penning that little speech for Spencer? It wasn't exactly Shakespeare, but it was about 100 times more intelligent than anything that's come out of his mouth before.
Next week's finale looks full of tears and shocked facial expressions, with a dash of matrimonial craziness thrown in for extra viewing pleasure. Extra double bonus: Kristin's return. Oh, the anticipation.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Round II for Robin and Sean is over
Dysfunction, anyone? Sean and Robin Wright Penn are the new poster children (after my parents).
Sean Penn filed legal separation papers last month, but yesterday he withdrew the petition. Oy. This makes the 2nd time in about 18 months that each has filed papers and then had them withdrawn.
Sean's rep for sleazing it up on the ladies is quite well-known. And can I just say, "HUH?" With a side of "HIM? REALLY?!?!?" Robin deserves better. Anyone and everyone deserves better. However, he must have talked his way back into her good graces and now they are reconciling.
Robin, just say no!
In other news, this weekend is the unofficial start to Summer. Not my favorite season (being a pasty thing), but I do love my baseball. And, thanks to good luck that looks suspiciously like a syringe, my Yanks are on a 9-game winning streak. Tomorrow I will see my first game at the new stadium and I'm hoping it all goes well. My sanity is on the line, as my father will be joining me. Watch out, Stadium Security! Brawling could ensue.
Sean Penn filed legal separation papers last month, but yesterday he withdrew the petition. Oy. This makes the 2nd time in about 18 months that each has filed papers and then had them withdrawn.
Sean's rep for sleazing it up on the ladies is quite well-known. And can I just say, "HUH?" With a side of "HIM? REALLY?!?!?" Robin deserves better. Anyone and everyone deserves better. However, he must have talked his way back into her good graces and now they are reconciling.
Robin, just say no!
In other news, this weekend is the unofficial start to Summer. Not my favorite season (being a pasty thing), but I do love my baseball. And, thanks to good luck that looks suspiciously like a syringe, my Yanks are on a 9-game winning streak. Tomorrow I will see my first game at the new stadium and I'm hoping it all goes well. My sanity is on the line, as my father will be joining me. Watch out, Stadium Security! Brawling could ensue.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Is it the way she parted her hair?
I've been looking at photos of the Brange at the Cannes Film Festival, and something is off. Ange looks different to me.
Has her forehead always been that big? Maybe I just never noticed.
She's still too thin, but at least she wore some color. No black. She left that to Brad and his tux.
Angie accompanied Brad to the premiere of Inglourious Basterds. Not getting the best reviews, but it's a Tarantino film and Brad generally does good box office.
Meanwhile, somewhere in NY, Jennifer Aniston sighs.
Has her forehead always been that big? Maybe I just never noticed.
She's still too thin, but at least she wore some color. No black. She left that to Brad and his tux.
Angie accompanied Brad to the premiere of Inglourious Basterds. Not getting the best reviews, but it's a Tarantino film and Brad generally does good box office.
Meanwhile, somewhere in NY, Jennifer Aniston sighs.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Now I gotta cut loose
Ugh. Another remake.
The brain trust in Hollywood has decided that 80s cheese flick, Footloose, needs an update.
You remember Footloose, right?
OH MY GOSH, it is so bad it's good. Like, you cringe when seeing it on cable, but you can't take your eyes off it. The dialogue? Weak. The cast? A mix of goofy and earnest. The dancing? Ridiculous. But the soundtrack? I bought the soundtrack after seeing this movie. Because it worked. It made the movie. It kept you from thinking too hard about how thin Lori Singer was or how much actual dancing Kevin Bacon did himself. It also kept you in your seat and not running like you were on fire to find the theater manager, demanding your money back, because you just witnessed a TRACTOR RACE and OMG, what? Really? But you sat there and watched and it didn't cause you to turn to therapy because Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For a Hero" was perfect in that moment.
And you know you tapped your feet to "Let's Hear It For the Boy," so don't even try to say you didn't. No one will believe you.
Now they want to try to catch lightening in a bottle again with a remake starring Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl. XOXO, y'all! Perennial Flat Ironed Hair King Zac Efron actually dropped out of the film because he didn't want to be known as the dude that sings and dances his way through movies. Uh huh.
Chace Crawford is not better, or even equal to, Kevin Bacon. Efron wouldn't have cut it, either. Kevin Bacon, as Ren, will always win out.
Better get started on that soundtrack.
The brain trust in Hollywood has decided that 80s cheese flick, Footloose, needs an update.
You remember Footloose, right?
OH MY GOSH, it is so bad it's good. Like, you cringe when seeing it on cable, but you can't take your eyes off it. The dialogue? Weak. The cast? A mix of goofy and earnest. The dancing? Ridiculous. But the soundtrack? I bought the soundtrack after seeing this movie. Because it worked. It made the movie. It kept you from thinking too hard about how thin Lori Singer was or how much actual dancing Kevin Bacon did himself. It also kept you in your seat and not running like you were on fire to find the theater manager, demanding your money back, because you just witnessed a TRACTOR RACE and OMG, what? Really? But you sat there and watched and it didn't cause you to turn to therapy because Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For a Hero" was perfect in that moment.
And you know you tapped your feet to "Let's Hear It For the Boy," so don't even try to say you didn't. No one will believe you.
Now they want to try to catch lightening in a bottle again with a remake starring Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl. XOXO, y'all! Perennial Flat Ironed Hair King Zac Efron actually dropped out of the film because he didn't want to be known as the dude that sings and dances his way through movies. Uh huh.
Chace Crawford is not better, or even equal to, Kevin Bacon. Efron wouldn't have cut it, either. Kevin Bacon, as Ren, will always win out.
Better get started on that soundtrack.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Hills
In between baking brownies (not THOSE kind...or are they?) and interviewing, our Philly Diva found time to do her most important job: make sense of the senselessness of The Hills. Thank you, Diva!
Only a few more episodes before Lauren is outta here and Kristin moves into the Hills. I'll save the Lauren vs. Kristin debate for another time, though. On with the show.
"You never met a dad like my dad." Ha, how many times have those words come out of my mouth?
Love the guy nonchalantly walking around dressed as a horse. That's always a necessity in a music video after all.
Wait, so that guy in the band is supposed to be cute? About that...
Now that we've met Heidi's dad, it just continues to boggles the mind how this bleach blond Barbie came from this down home family.
Stephanie's having a rough go of it. First she gets shot down by the guy who has a girlfriend but won't actually say the word girlfriend because he wants to pretend he doesn't have a girlfriend when he's on the road, then she gets fired by Lauren. I have to give it to Lauren though. That was a pretty mild firing and she was as nice as she could be about it.
Being stuck on a ferris wheel with Spencer would make me squirm too Heidi.
Everyone knows a huge rock on your bony finger erases all of the crap someone's done to you in the past. Ugh. These two are just too dumb to get married to one another!
Only a few more episodes before Lauren is outta here and Kristin moves into the Hills. I'll save the Lauren vs. Kristin debate for another time, though. On with the show.
"You never met a dad like my dad." Ha, how many times have those words come out of my mouth?
Love the guy nonchalantly walking around dressed as a horse. That's always a necessity in a music video after all.
Wait, so that guy in the band is supposed to be cute? About that...
Now that we've met Heidi's dad, it just continues to boggles the mind how this bleach blond Barbie came from this down home family.
Stephanie's having a rough go of it. First she gets shot down by the guy who has a girlfriend but won't actually say the word girlfriend because he wants to pretend he doesn't have a girlfriend when he's on the road, then she gets fired by Lauren. I have to give it to Lauren though. That was a pretty mild firing and she was as nice as she could be about it.
Being stuck on a ferris wheel with Spencer would make me squirm too Heidi.
Everyone knows a huge rock on your bony finger erases all of the crap someone's done to you in the past. Ugh. These two are just too dumb to get married to one another!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Hills
Someone needs to look at a calendar.
I will cut the Diva a little slack because she had to deal with our parents for two days in a row. The torture!
I'm a day late with the recap...whoops!
Lo, why mess up the natural order of things by getting a job? Weren't you perfecting the art of doing nothing but looking pretty and laying out by the pool?
Hilarious is the only word to describe Stephanie and Lauren's work/boy conversation. Adding to the hilarity: Lauren's knit hat (I hate this look) and Steph's ultra-spacey attitude.
Was that a skirt or a dress or a long shirt Stephanie was rocking at work? Whatever it was, I'm saying it's work inappropriate.
I'm always surprised when Audrina is given responsibility at work and she actually delivers. I always expect her to drop the ball.
Is Davis Factor going to be the new Brent Bolthouse?
Awkward, idiotic, pointless. This is what comes to mind as I watch Heidi confront this bartender. Again. Will this ever come to an end? Also, what do these people at the bar think of this face-off? They can't enjoy their cocktails in this kind of hostile atmosphere.
Calling the LAPD: possible domestic disturbance brewing on the sidewalk between Audrina and JB. If they pulled up and saw JB in his cut-off pants, would they take him in for a crime against fashion?
Steph should take off that headband before it squeezes the five remaining braincells out of her head.
Hold on I'm gonna stop blogging now because I have to go check out Spencer's Twitter page to see what he's up to. Ew.
If I were Lauren, I would've fired Stephanie as soon as I sat my skinny jeans back down at my desk. Put the girl out of her misery already.
I will cut the Diva a little slack because she had to deal with our parents for two days in a row. The torture!
I'm a day late with the recap...whoops!
Lo, why mess up the natural order of things by getting a job? Weren't you perfecting the art of doing nothing but looking pretty and laying out by the pool?
Hilarious is the only word to describe Stephanie and Lauren's work/boy conversation. Adding to the hilarity: Lauren's knit hat (I hate this look) and Steph's ultra-spacey attitude.
Was that a skirt or a dress or a long shirt Stephanie was rocking at work? Whatever it was, I'm saying it's work inappropriate.
I'm always surprised when Audrina is given responsibility at work and she actually delivers. I always expect her to drop the ball.
Is Davis Factor going to be the new Brent Bolthouse?
Awkward, idiotic, pointless. This is what comes to mind as I watch Heidi confront this bartender. Again. Will this ever come to an end? Also, what do these people at the bar think of this face-off? They can't enjoy their cocktails in this kind of hostile atmosphere.
Calling the LAPD: possible domestic disturbance brewing on the sidewalk between Audrina and JB. If they pulled up and saw JB in his cut-off pants, would they take him in for a crime against fashion?
Steph should take off that headband before it squeezes the five remaining braincells out of her head.
Hold on I'm gonna stop blogging now because I have to go check out Spencer's Twitter page to see what he's up to. Ew.
If I were Lauren, I would've fired Stephanie as soon as I sat my skinny jeans back down at my desk. Put the girl out of her misery already.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Oprah never fails to anger
Me, that is.
The Queen of Daytime is also the Queen of Being Out of Touch with the Rest of the World.
You know, those of us that don't have millions and a Gayle.
Opes gave the commencement address at Duke University this past weekend and told the crowd of grads that it's great to have a private jet. For reals.
"Anyone that tells you that having your own private jet isn't great is lying to you."
What a down-to-earth woman. She really knows how to keep grounded and sympathize that not everyone in the world has it as easy as she does.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Oprah sucks.
Do you think Gayle has to clean the jet on weekends? Safe bet.
The Queen of Daytime is also the Queen of Being Out of Touch with the Rest of the World.
You know, those of us that don't have millions and a Gayle.
Opes gave the commencement address at Duke University this past weekend and told the crowd of grads that it's great to have a private jet. For reals.
"Anyone that tells you that having your own private jet isn't great is lying to you."
What a down-to-earth woman. She really knows how to keep grounded and sympathize that not everyone in the world has it as easy as she does.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Oprah sucks.
Do you think Gayle has to clean the jet on weekends? Safe bet.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Dina Lohan gives us peace of mind
Just got back from the Cafe Disco and I'm exhausted. So much dancing! And didn't Jim look cute? Back off, Pam!
Okay. So, anyway....Dina Lohan recently explained to reporter David Caplan that Ali Lohan is being home-schooled. Just like big sister Lindsay was at her age. Great!
We can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Although....with Ali living with Linds in LA, and Dina in Long Island, who is home-schooling Ali? Is she taking 'Coke Snorting 101' with Linds? Extra credit if you can find her a dealer around the corner!
I caught the last hour of Mean Girls last weekend on tv. Oh, Linds. She looked healthy and could act. Like, really act. She was funny, she was determined, she was....an actor. Not some strung-out mess that throws eggs at the paparazzi.
Seriously.
Look it up online. The girl is whacked.
And Ali looks like she's at least twice her age.
What the hell is up with the Lohan's? Sad all the way around.
On a brighter note, I'd like to warn all of my Philly readers that if you hear loud voices this weekend, it's my father and sister having a conversation. "Inside voices" mean nothing.
Okay. So, anyway....Dina Lohan recently explained to reporter David Caplan that Ali Lohan is being home-schooled. Just like big sister Lindsay was at her age. Great!
We can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Although....with Ali living with Linds in LA, and Dina in Long Island, who is home-schooling Ali? Is she taking 'Coke Snorting 101' with Linds? Extra credit if you can find her a dealer around the corner!
I caught the last hour of Mean Girls last weekend on tv. Oh, Linds. She looked healthy and could act. Like, really act. She was funny, she was determined, she was....an actor. Not some strung-out mess that throws eggs at the paparazzi.
Seriously.
Look it up online. The girl is whacked.
And Ali looks like she's at least twice her age.
What the hell is up with the Lohan's? Sad all the way around.
On a brighter note, I'd like to warn all of my Philly readers that if you hear loud voices this weekend, it's my father and sister having a conversation. "Inside voices" mean nothing.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Jack Bauer loves the headbutt
Kiefer Sutherland, AKA bad ass Jack Bauer to us 24 fans, did not care for Proenza Schouler co-founder Jack McCollough's treatment of Brooke Shields, and headbutt the dude on Monday night.
Huh? With a what now?
Let's backtrack.
The Met Costume Institute Gala was held Monday night. There was an afterparty. Kiefer and Brooke were chatting. Reports claim that Jack (a friend of Brooke's) came over and interrupted their conversation by 'jostling' her. Is that slang for 'pinched her ass?'
Apparently, Kiefer demanded an apology from Jack, but Jack was all, "Uh, dude. You're drunk and disorderly and I want to talk to Brooke about her days on Suddenly Susan, so beat it. Oh, and also, this season of 24 started off strong but has become a suckfest of boring, so there!"
Kiefer took that as 'Go Time!' and gave the guy a headbutt and put him into a wrestling move of some type. Was it a Swanton Bomb? Because those are cool.
Brooke's publicist was having none of it either. The official word was that Jack did nothing wrong and that "it's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did."
Sigh. Poor Kiefer.
I'm thinking it was clear and that another Jack was involved. The Mr. Daniels variety.
Police were supposed to be interviewing Kiefer and Brooke today.
Time for Chloe to come up with an escape route, Jack.
Huh? With a what now?
Let's backtrack.
The Met Costume Institute Gala was held Monday night. There was an afterparty. Kiefer and Brooke were chatting. Reports claim that Jack (a friend of Brooke's) came over and interrupted their conversation by 'jostling' her. Is that slang for 'pinched her ass?'
Apparently, Kiefer demanded an apology from Jack, but Jack was all, "Uh, dude. You're drunk and disorderly and I want to talk to Brooke about her days on Suddenly Susan, so beat it. Oh, and also, this season of 24 started off strong but has become a suckfest of boring, so there!"
Kiefer took that as 'Go Time!' and gave the guy a headbutt and put him into a wrestling move of some type. Was it a Swanton Bomb? Because those are cool.
Brooke's publicist was having none of it either. The official word was that Jack did nothing wrong and that "it's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did."
Sigh. Poor Kiefer.
I'm thinking it was clear and that another Jack was involved. The Mr. Daniels variety.
Police were supposed to be interviewing Kiefer and Brooke today.
Time for Chloe to come up with an escape route, Jack.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
The Hills
The Diva is back, this time coming to us from her new digs in Philly. Can't you just smell the cheesesteaks and hear the Fresh Prince theme song?
Some technical difficulties got in the way of me seeing the first 3 minutes of tonight's episode. I'm sure I missed truly riveting television, so someone will have to fill me in.
Heidi's weave needs some help. It looks like Barbie's hair after a 3 year old runs rampant with a toy brush.
"There's always gonna be another Stacy." Stunningly wise words from the bartender who just won't let her time in the Hills limelight fade.
Are Jayde and Audrina gonna have a fake boob-off? Because I think that's the only fair way to settle this ongoing drama over Brody.
I didn't know someone could chug Jager straight from the bottle like that and still be living. Jayde is insane.
A couple sessions with Speidi is probably driving this doctor to drink.
There goes Jayde with the Jager again. I always expected Playmates to be classier than that.
Audrina is certainly making a fashion statement with that hat. What the statement is, I'm not sure.
Okay, so I am a little light on the recapping tonight. Please don't fire me from Celebrity Skewer like Stephanie is gonna get fired from People's Revolution next week.
I make no promises!
Some technical difficulties got in the way of me seeing the first 3 minutes of tonight's episode. I'm sure I missed truly riveting television, so someone will have to fill me in.
Heidi's weave needs some help. It looks like Barbie's hair after a 3 year old runs rampant with a toy brush.
"There's always gonna be another Stacy." Stunningly wise words from the bartender who just won't let her time in the Hills limelight fade.
Are Jayde and Audrina gonna have a fake boob-off? Because I think that's the only fair way to settle this ongoing drama over Brody.
I didn't know someone could chug Jager straight from the bottle like that and still be living. Jayde is insane.
A couple sessions with Speidi is probably driving this doctor to drink.
There goes Jayde with the Jager again. I always expected Playmates to be classier than that.
Audrina is certainly making a fashion statement with that hat. What the statement is, I'm not sure.
Okay, so I am a little light on the recapping tonight. Please don't fire me from Celebrity Skewer like Stephanie is gonna get fired from People's Revolution next week.
I make no promises!
Friday, May 01, 2009
Round Two
Sean and Robin Wright-Penn are separating. Again.
Over a year ago they did the same thing, only to reconcile a short while later.
Will this one stick? Maybe. The rumors of Sean's infidelities still swirl like a sandstorm, and I still get uncomfortable thinking of how he brushed her off to receive his Oscar this year. It was so cringe-worthy. There she was with tears in her eyes, clearly thrilled for him, and he was like, "Mickey Rourke is my brother!" Ugh. Really, Sean?
Let's be honest, now. Robin deserves better.
On a happier note, Resident Diva and The Hills Recapper, Jessica, is on her way to her new home in Philly today. Best of luck to her on a new chapter in her life.
Philly, you will never be the same. Trust me.
Over a year ago they did the same thing, only to reconcile a short while later.
Will this one stick? Maybe. The rumors of Sean's infidelities still swirl like a sandstorm, and I still get uncomfortable thinking of how he brushed her off to receive his Oscar this year. It was so cringe-worthy. There she was with tears in her eyes, clearly thrilled for him, and he was like, "Mickey Rourke is my brother!" Ugh. Really, Sean?
Let's be honest, now. Robin deserves better.
On a happier note, Resident Diva and The Hills Recapper, Jessica, is on her way to her new home in Philly today. Best of luck to her on a new chapter in her life.
Philly, you will never be the same. Trust me.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I'll skip my birthday this year
Why?
Because two events are happening this year that are making a mockery of my birthday. And my birthday has no way of defending itself. Aaaahhhh! The horror.
First up, Justin Timbergag is hosting SNL. Ugh. Double Ugh if Jessica Biel shows up with her manly shoulders.
And, secondly, I just found out today that Jessica Simpson will be entertaining marine life by performing at SeaWorld San Diego that night.
My birthday deserves better.
Because two events are happening this year that are making a mockery of my birthday. And my birthday has no way of defending itself. Aaaahhhh! The horror.
First up, Justin Timbergag is hosting SNL. Ugh. Double Ugh if Jessica Biel shows up with her manly shoulders.
And, secondly, I just found out today that Jessica Simpson will be entertaining marine life by performing at SeaWorld San Diego that night.
My birthday deserves better.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Oh, good grief
Matty Broderick and SJP are having twins via surrogate. Is that why he always looks so grumpy lately?
US Weekly is reporting that Linds is losing weight via Adderall. Yum. Oh, Linds. Will anyone in her family help her????
On a purely shallow note, Ryan Gosling was spotted having dinner with Michelle Williams in NY last night. Guh. He looked great. Wonder if he worries about running into Rachel and Josh? Hmmm....
US Weekly is reporting that Linds is losing weight via Adderall. Yum. Oh, Linds. Will anyone in her family help her????
On a purely shallow note, Ryan Gosling was spotted having dinner with Michelle Williams in NY last night. Guh. He looked great. Wonder if he worries about running into Rachel and Josh? Hmmm....
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Hills
The Unemployed Diva took time out of her busy schedule to recap more hijinx and tediousness from the gang. Thanks, Diva!.
I'm sure everyone is as sick of hearing about and seeing footage from the Speidi wedding as I am. But we'll have to wait to watch the final edited version of the nuptials from hell until this season's finale airs. We just have a regular episode to watch tonight.
So it seems Paris released Doug from her bony little fingers long enough to join the boys in Hawaii. That was nice of her.
Are oddly placed tattoos a prerequisite for going on this trip? I think so.
How often does Speidi hit up Barnes & Noble? Their attempts to seem smart are pathetic.
The way the lighting at the restaurant accents Spencer's face fuzz is really hideous.
I see Spencer dipped into his stash of AC Slater tank tops for his boxing session with Colby. Go Bayside!
Okay, so I find Colby and his gf both generally pleasant. And they annoy Spencer so that gives them bonus points.
Audrina looks a hot mess at dinner. Her hair is all over the place and her eyes are especially squinty. If Brody wants to deal with that, best of luck.
Maybe I just don't care enough about the Brody/Audrina storyline because it seemed pretty drama-free to me.
Final note: how does Lauren keep her boyfriend (that guy from My Boys) away from the cameras? Are they even still dating? It's really too difficult to keep track.
I haven't seen pics of them in forever, so I'm not sure. Also, couldn't he do better?
I'm sure everyone is as sick of hearing about and seeing footage from the Speidi wedding as I am. But we'll have to wait to watch the final edited version of the nuptials from hell until this season's finale airs. We just have a regular episode to watch tonight.
So it seems Paris released Doug from her bony little fingers long enough to join the boys in Hawaii. That was nice of her.
Are oddly placed tattoos a prerequisite for going on this trip? I think so.
How often does Speidi hit up Barnes & Noble? Their attempts to seem smart are pathetic.
The way the lighting at the restaurant accents Spencer's face fuzz is really hideous.
I see Spencer dipped into his stash of AC Slater tank tops for his boxing session with Colby. Go Bayside!
Okay, so I find Colby and his gf both generally pleasant. And they annoy Spencer so that gives them bonus points.
Audrina looks a hot mess at dinner. Her hair is all over the place and her eyes are especially squinty. If Brody wants to deal with that, best of luck.
Maybe I just don't care enough about the Brody/Audrina storyline because it seemed pretty drama-free to me.
Final note: how does Lauren keep her boyfriend (that guy from My Boys) away from the cameras? Are they even still dating? It's really too difficult to keep track.
I haven't seen pics of them in forever, so I'm not sure. Also, couldn't he do better?
Monday, April 27, 2009
16+ hours I'm not getting back
Let's take a break from celebrity news for a moment and allow me to lament the current state of the Yankees:
Threat Level Midnight
(Like the screenplay Michael Scott wrote, minus Agent Michael Scarn and his love interest, Catherine Zeta-Jones).
If you are a Yankee fan, you know that the past three days were like being strapped to a chair and being forced to watch Season 3 of The Office with Karen fans.
B-R-U-T-A-L
If you are not a Yankee fan, SHUT IT. And go about your business.
Sigh.
In other news, LC made it to Speidi's wedding this past weekend. Fulfilling a contractual obligation? Check!
Threat Level Midnight
(Like the screenplay Michael Scott wrote, minus Agent Michael Scarn and his love interest, Catherine Zeta-Jones).
If you are a Yankee fan, you know that the past three days were like being strapped to a chair and being forced to watch Season 3 of The Office with Karen fans.
B-R-U-T-A-L
If you are not a Yankee fan, SHUT IT. And go about your business.
Sigh.
In other news, LC made it to Speidi's wedding this past weekend. Fulfilling a contractual obligation? Check!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Quick hits
*smack*
Hugh Jackman had his hand and footprint ceremony in front of Grauman's yesterday.
*pow*
Linds was spotted out shopping and looking extremely thin. Again. If only this girl had parents that cared about her.
*kabam*
Chelsea Handler called out Paris Hilton for being stupid. Reason #1839 to love Chelsea.
Hugh Jackman had his hand and footprint ceremony in front of Grauman's yesterday.
*pow*
Linds was spotted out shopping and looking extremely thin. Again. If only this girl had parents that cared about her.
*kabam*
Chelsea Handler called out Paris Hilton for being stupid. Reason #1839 to love Chelsea.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Hills are alive
Sadly.
Another week of scripted drama. The Diva breaks it down for us with sass:
It's still raining here in Baltimore (AKA Hills recap central) and now I'm hearing thunder. Hopefully my cable lasts through tonight's entire episode.
Lauren is rocking the plaid twice in the first few minutes. Is this a throwback to Ben on the old Celebrity Skewer favorite, Felicity?
Spencer is joking about being Heidi's stalker. But we all know he is too familiar with that alley outside Bolthouse and it isn't a joke at all.
I can appreciate anyone who chooses laying on the beach over surfing. Who needs physical activity when you can be lazy?
How does Brody have time to swing a girlfriend in between all of his Bromancing?
Ridiculously skinny chicks love pickles. I learned this undeniable truth in college. (Ew, pickles. I hate them. But I'm also not ridiculously skinny.)
Does someone named Sleazy T really want to be this involved in Audrina and Justin Bobby's relationship?
It's crazy how daft people make easy jobs seem so difficult. Stephanie you have to check in pieces of clothing, not perform brain surgery.
We apparently only get one minute of Lo tonight, which just isn't enough.
By the time next week's episode rolls around, I will officially be a fulltime Hills recapper since my real job will be no more. Too bad recapping doesn't come with a salary, huh?
Ed. Note: if someone wants to be a full-time recapper, they better cease with mentioning Lauren and Ben from Felicitiy in the same sentence. In some countries, that is punishable by death.
Another week of scripted drama. The Diva breaks it down for us with sass:
It's still raining here in Baltimore (AKA Hills recap central) and now I'm hearing thunder. Hopefully my cable lasts through tonight's entire episode.
Lauren is rocking the plaid twice in the first few minutes. Is this a throwback to Ben on the old Celebrity Skewer favorite, Felicity?
Spencer is joking about being Heidi's stalker. But we all know he is too familiar with that alley outside Bolthouse and it isn't a joke at all.
I can appreciate anyone who chooses laying on the beach over surfing. Who needs physical activity when you can be lazy?
How does Brody have time to swing a girlfriend in between all of his Bromancing?
Ridiculously skinny chicks love pickles. I learned this undeniable truth in college. (Ew, pickles. I hate them. But I'm also not ridiculously skinny.)
Does someone named Sleazy T really want to be this involved in Audrina and Justin Bobby's relationship?
It's crazy how daft people make easy jobs seem so difficult. Stephanie you have to check in pieces of clothing, not perform brain surgery.
We apparently only get one minute of Lo tonight, which just isn't enough.
By the time next week's episode rolls around, I will officially be a fulltime Hills recapper since my real job will be no more. Too bad recapping doesn't come with a salary, huh?
Ed. Note: if someone wants to be a full-time recapper, they better cease with mentioning Lauren and Ben from Felicitiy in the same sentence. In some countries, that is punishable by death.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Combined, they probably weigh about 125
Two of the thinnest women on planet earth are pregnant. Start eating, ladies!
Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo and Project Runway host Heidi Klum will be popping out children later this year. This will be the first for Ellen and the fourth for Heidi.
It will be interesting to see how they shoot around Ellen on Grey's next season. I imagine she'll be sitting or doing a lot of surgeries. Hopefully the baby will have Patrick Dempsey's hair. Wait. What?
Heidi will have another gorgeous child that will look like her and Seal and make all the other kids in the world look fugly by comparison.
I'm sure both women will bounce back to their pre-pregnancy weight in no time. More food for me!
Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo and Project Runway host Heidi Klum will be popping out children later this year. This will be the first for Ellen and the fourth for Heidi.
It will be interesting to see how they shoot around Ellen on Grey's next season. I imagine she'll be sitting or doing a lot of surgeries. Hopefully the baby will have Patrick Dempsey's hair. Wait. What?
Heidi will have another gorgeous child that will look like her and Seal and make all the other kids in the world look fugly by comparison.
I'm sure both women will bounce back to their pre-pregnancy weight in no time. More food for me!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
What should we make of this?
Armageddon?
Marc Anthony and Leo DiCaprio hung out together last night. Ummmm....huh? I can only imagine that J.Lo's ears were burning.
Also, Ryan Seacrest is dating a new beard....a cocktail waitress from LA. Uh-huh.
Crazy times.
Marc Anthony and Leo DiCaprio hung out together last night. Ummmm....huh? I can only imagine that J.Lo's ears were burning.
Also, Ryan Seacrest is dating a new beard....a cocktail waitress from LA. Uh-huh.
Crazy times.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The Office celebrates 100 episodes
Already? Time flies, doesn't it?
The Office will mark it's 100th episode with this season's finale. Let's hope there isn't a breakup like there was in the Gilmore Girls 100th ep. Oh, Amy Sherman-Palladino....so coy, so clever. So ridiculous.
The Dunder Mifflin crew celebrated with a giant cake that Rainn Wilson stuck his hand in. EWWWWW. Never mess with cake. It should be one of the basic food groups. Bad move, Dwight.
Anyone else feel the show has been a little off this season? I don't have many eps saved on TiVo and that hasn't happened since Season 3. Not really feeling this 'split offices' storyline and Idris Elba must be in it for the paycheck, because Charles is a dud and adding nothing to the show. Thank goodness he'll always have The Wire on his reel, because he has that new movie coming out with Sasha Fierce and Ali Larter called Obsessed that looks like a bad, bad, B-A-D Fatal Attraction knock-off. Ugh.
And what is with a 30-minute season finale? I call bs, NBC.
The Office will mark it's 100th episode with this season's finale. Let's hope there isn't a breakup like there was in the Gilmore Girls 100th ep. Oh, Amy Sherman-Palladino....so coy, so clever. So ridiculous.
The Dunder Mifflin crew celebrated with a giant cake that Rainn Wilson stuck his hand in. EWWWWW. Never mess with cake. It should be one of the basic food groups. Bad move, Dwight.
Anyone else feel the show has been a little off this season? I don't have many eps saved on TiVo and that hasn't happened since Season 3. Not really feeling this 'split offices' storyline and Idris Elba must be in it for the paycheck, because Charles is a dud and adding nothing to the show. Thank goodness he'll always have The Wire on his reel, because he has that new movie coming out with Sasha Fierce and Ali Larter called Obsessed that looks like a bad, bad, B-A-D Fatal Attraction knock-off. Ugh.
And what is with a 30-minute season finale? I call bs, NBC.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
More Hills madness
The only thing worse than a Yankee loss is Speidi screen time. Here to make sense of it all is our resident Diva:
I haven't yet recovered from the ridiculousness of last week's season premiere, and already it's time for a new Hills ep. The sleaziness of Spencer doesn't wear off that quickly, sadly.
How random is it that Heidi would even mention her high school ex to Stephanie when the entire time she was back home she seemed as if she couldn't care less that she ran into him? What a bleached blonde trouble maker.
Did you see Lauren's claws come when Stephanie brings up joining Lauren at work? Because I did.
I've probably said this a million times, but Speidi, I'm so over you!
Kelly Cutrone strikes again. Stephanie was shaking in her stilettos.
Oh no, I didn't want to see Spencer's doofus friend Charlie ever again. I was hoping he had a one episode stint and that was it.
Note to Ms. Bartender and her equally queer friends: you have to find a cooler go-to song than "Pour Some Sugar On Me." You're not 18 years old and pledging a sorority.
You don't want a piece of S.Pratt. She'll revert to her druggie days and go crazy on you in no time.
I give Heidi credit for looking Spencer in the eye when he has that furry distraction all over his face. Grun-gy. Also I give her credit for teetering on those heels of hers. That's a broken ankle just waiting to happen.
Looks like Audrina gets some face time next week. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But I'll be here to recap regardless.
I haven't yet recovered from the ridiculousness of last week's season premiere, and already it's time for a new Hills ep. The sleaziness of Spencer doesn't wear off that quickly, sadly.
How random is it that Heidi would even mention her high school ex to Stephanie when the entire time she was back home she seemed as if she couldn't care less that she ran into him? What a bleached blonde trouble maker.
Did you see Lauren's claws come when Stephanie brings up joining Lauren at work? Because I did.
I've probably said this a million times, but Speidi, I'm so over you!
Kelly Cutrone strikes again. Stephanie was shaking in her stilettos.
Oh no, I didn't want to see Spencer's doofus friend Charlie ever again. I was hoping he had a one episode stint and that was it.
Note to Ms. Bartender and her equally queer friends: you have to find a cooler go-to song than "Pour Some Sugar On Me." You're not 18 years old and pledging a sorority.
You don't want a piece of S.Pratt. She'll revert to her druggie days and go crazy on you in no time.
I give Heidi credit for looking Spencer in the eye when he has that furry distraction all over his face. Grun-gy. Also I give her credit for teetering on those heels of hers. That's a broken ankle just waiting to happen.
Looks like Audrina gets some face time next week. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But I'll be here to recap regardless.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Ghosts of Girlfriends Gag
I'm already tired of the commercials for this LAME-O Matty Mc movie. Ugh. He always plays the same character.
This one has Jennifer Garner, though. Hmmm....I'm guessing she did it for Violet's college fund. Or Ben's Hairpiece Fund.
Movie looks like ass but it is counter-programming for those that have no desire to see Tim Riggins on screen with Hugh Jackman in Wolverine.
OMG, did you catch the season finale of Friday Night Lights???? Pure gold. Tyra going to college! Coach getting screwed over by Joe McCoy! Matt staying in Dillon and taking Grandma back from the nursing home! SAY WHAT???
And the most deliciously ridiculous wedding in the history of the television world.
Did you see the white suits? And cowboy hats? And Mindy's butterfly wings on her dress? And Julie's crimped hair?
It was magical. The worst. And yet, THE BEST!
Will bring a smile to my face for years to come.
This one has Jennifer Garner, though. Hmmm....I'm guessing she did it for Violet's college fund. Or Ben's Hairpiece Fund.
Movie looks like ass but it is counter-programming for those that have no desire to see Tim Riggins on screen with Hugh Jackman in Wolverine.
OMG, did you catch the season finale of Friday Night Lights???? Pure gold. Tyra going to college! Coach getting screwed over by Joe McCoy! Matt staying in Dillon and taking Grandma back from the nursing home! SAY WHAT???
And the most deliciously ridiculous wedding in the history of the television world.
Did you see the white suits? And cowboy hats? And Mindy's butterfly wings on her dress? And Julie's crimped hair?
It was magical. The worst. And yet, THE BEST!
Will bring a smile to my face for years to come.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Another reason to love Stevie Nicks
As if her voice and dance spins and scarves weren't enough.
When told that LiLoca Lohan was hoping to buy the rights to her life story, Stevie's response was:
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
Oh, Stevie. You make me happy.
Twirl away, little Linds.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend celebrating whatever you celebrate. I will be celebrating with ice cream.
Enjoy!
When told that LiLoca Lohan was hoping to buy the rights to her life story, Stevie's response was:
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
Oh, Stevie. You make me happy.
Twirl away, little Linds.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend celebrating whatever you celebrate. I will be celebrating with ice cream.
Enjoy!
Thursday, April 09, 2009
LiLoca back to red
Little Linds has ditched her blonde locks (along with her sanity) and is back to firecrotch red.
How does she have the money for all the shopping and weave treatments?
I thought all of her money was going up her nose (allegedly, of course).
Oh, Linds.
Did she get her own personal bailout from the Government?
How does she have the money for all the shopping and weave treatments?
I thought all of her money was going up her nose (allegedly, of course).
Oh, Linds.
Did she get her own personal bailout from the Government?
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Let the blank stares begin
Another season of The Hills dropped last night. Our resident Diva was there to catch it, dissect it, and make it more palatable to the average person. Buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride:
There are some things that just keep coming back into the mix no matter how much you'd love for them to go away. Have you heard the latest single to drop from the (never) celebrated team of vocalist Heidi Montag and producer Spencer Pratt? It's not any better than Ms. Heidiwood's previous offerings. But, it is good for a laugh. Or a cry.
And other things seem like they're going to be gone forever but luckily they hang around for a bit longer. At the end of every recent Hills season, Lauren will tell anyone who will listen that she has had enough of the obtrusive cameras and is ready to call it quits. But all you have to do is wait a few months and Lauren and her posse inevitably return to the MTV airwaves with refreshed highlights and the latest designer duds.
So, hang onto your hobo bags, another season begins of The Hills starts...now.
Stephanie and Heidi are concocting a plan to throw in an extra surprise at Lauren's surprise birthday party since Heidi is going even though she's not invited. Surprise! Here's your ex-friend and you're gonna be trapped on a boat with her all night long!
This episode scores points early on for throwing in some Kelly Clarkson goodness. Love that song.
Ooh, I want Lo to order me a birthday cake. Sigh. One day.
I spotted Holly in the back of the crowd at Lauren's birthday. Will there be some added sisterly drama on this birthday boat?
Why is Spencer's face so shiny? The sheen coupled with those awkward gestures at the bar is just an unfortunate combination.
First Lo dishes out some wise words to Heidi, and then she shoots her a quality eye roll as she walks away. Gotta love that Lo.
Can we talk about Spencer's friend Charlie for a second? Ew. Any girl with a pulse and more than 5 brain cells (I'm looking at you bartender girl) should be immediately repelled by these two.
Am I the only one that expected Heidi to dive into the water and start frantically paddling to get to Spencer? She wasn't getting the whole middle of the water, not near land concept.
Whoa, I didn't think Spencer was actually gonna hit that kid. I figured he was all talk. Note: My arms are the same size as Spencer's.
Thank you Heidi for making the birthday girl cry. Hello Debbie Downer.
Stephanie is totally laying the smackdown on Spencer. It's taken a few years, but she's finally making sense when she speaks and isn't standing for any of his crap.
Heidi is stompin' around town in her boots and short skirt, and she's not gonna stop until she confronts this bartender.
Can't Darlene see that playing the nice mom card hasn't worked all along? It's time to lock Heidi up and not let her out until she agrees to ditch Spencer. Drastic times...
If Stephanie keeps defending Heidi, Lauren is going to pick up a bolt of fabric and beat her over the head with it. You know how those FIDM girls get around swatches.
Now we have Brody vs. Spencer. Good (?) vs. Evil. Showered vs. Looks Like A Drug Addict.
Ah, this was just the beginning of the Hills goodies for this season. Be back next Monday to see what great/awful things unfold in the next ep.
There are some things that just keep coming back into the mix no matter how much you'd love for them to go away. Have you heard the latest single to drop from the (never) celebrated team of vocalist Heidi Montag and producer Spencer Pratt? It's not any better than Ms. Heidiwood's previous offerings. But, it is good for a laugh. Or a cry.
And other things seem like they're going to be gone forever but luckily they hang around for a bit longer. At the end of every recent Hills season, Lauren will tell anyone who will listen that she has had enough of the obtrusive cameras and is ready to call it quits. But all you have to do is wait a few months and Lauren and her posse inevitably return to the MTV airwaves with refreshed highlights and the latest designer duds.
So, hang onto your hobo bags, another season begins of The Hills starts...now.
Stephanie and Heidi are concocting a plan to throw in an extra surprise at Lauren's surprise birthday party since Heidi is going even though she's not invited. Surprise! Here's your ex-friend and you're gonna be trapped on a boat with her all night long!
This episode scores points early on for throwing in some Kelly Clarkson goodness. Love that song.
Ooh, I want Lo to order me a birthday cake. Sigh. One day.
I spotted Holly in the back of the crowd at Lauren's birthday. Will there be some added sisterly drama on this birthday boat?
Why is Spencer's face so shiny? The sheen coupled with those awkward gestures at the bar is just an unfortunate combination.
First Lo dishes out some wise words to Heidi, and then she shoots her a quality eye roll as she walks away. Gotta love that Lo.
Can we talk about Spencer's friend Charlie for a second? Ew. Any girl with a pulse and more than 5 brain cells (I'm looking at you bartender girl) should be immediately repelled by these two.
Am I the only one that expected Heidi to dive into the water and start frantically paddling to get to Spencer? She wasn't getting the whole middle of the water, not near land concept.
Whoa, I didn't think Spencer was actually gonna hit that kid. I figured he was all talk. Note: My arms are the same size as Spencer's.
Thank you Heidi for making the birthday girl cry. Hello Debbie Downer.
Stephanie is totally laying the smackdown on Spencer. It's taken a few years, but she's finally making sense when she speaks and isn't standing for any of his crap.
Heidi is stompin' around town in her boots and short skirt, and she's not gonna stop until she confronts this bartender.
Can't Darlene see that playing the nice mom card hasn't worked all along? It's time to lock Heidi up and not let her out until she agrees to ditch Spencer. Drastic times...
If Stephanie keeps defending Heidi, Lauren is going to pick up a bolt of fabric and beat her over the head with it. You know how those FIDM girls get around swatches.
Now we have Brody vs. Spencer. Good (?) vs. Evil. Showered vs. Looks Like A Drug Addict.
Ah, this was just the beginning of the Hills goodies for this season. Be back next Monday to see what great/awful things unfold in the next ep.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Is she on steroids too?
Baseball season officially kicked off last night, but for me it officially begins at 4:05 today when my Yanks take on the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards.
What makes this season especially joyous is the absence of A-Rod at third base. If only it were permanent. Sigh. Cody Ransom 4 Ever!
Oh, let's see.....celeb news? Well, Linds had a fun little escapade Friday night when being denied entrance into a Charlotte Ronson party. Looks like Sammy has had enough of the drama and told security she was not allowed in. Linds was having none of that (but, apparently, was having every drug under the moon) and threw a fit rivaled only by my sister when she stomps her feet. It took five security guards to calm Linds down and send her cranked up ass on it's merry way.
FIVE SECURITY GUARDS!?!?!?!?!?!?! Drugs give you super powers! HGH, anyone?
Poor Linds. She, her 45-year-old sister and her orange mother are rumored to be holed up at the Chateau Marmont. Drama!
It's sad, let's be honest. And we're not even talking about her leggings line.
Go Yanks!
What makes this season especially joyous is the absence of A-Rod at third base. If only it were permanent. Sigh. Cody Ransom 4 Ever!
Oh, let's see.....celeb news? Well, Linds had a fun little escapade Friday night when being denied entrance into a Charlotte Ronson party. Looks like Sammy has had enough of the drama and told security she was not allowed in. Linds was having none of that (but, apparently, was having every drug under the moon) and threw a fit rivaled only by my sister when she stomps her feet. It took five security guards to calm Linds down and send her cranked up ass on it's merry way.
FIVE SECURITY GUARDS!?!?!?!?!?!?! Drugs give you super powers! HGH, anyone?
Poor Linds. She, her 45-year-old sister and her orange mother are rumored to be holed up at the Chateau Marmont. Drama!
It's sad, let's be honest. And we're not even talking about her leggings line.
Go Yanks!
Friday, April 03, 2009
Tim Riggins leads a double life
Earlier this week, the film X-Men Origins: Wolverine was leaked to the internet. The film is expected to be a huge blockbuster when it is released next month, and 20th Century Fox is pissed off about the leak and ready to go Naomi Campbell on the culprit.
I know some people are excited about this film because of an allegiance they have to one Mr. Taylor Kitsch from Friday Night Lights. In the upcoming film, Taylor plays Gambit - a mutant that can turn an ordinary playing card into a deadly weapon and still find time to play football and woo Lyla Garrity.
Oh, wait.
I know others are not as excited about this film because they feel like, "WHO THE HELL IS THIS TV BOY AND IS HIS HAIR SUPPOSED TO LOOK UNWASHED?"
Let's all simmer down and wait to see the film on the big screen starting May 1st.
On a different note, I would just like to announce that I had no idea a new season of The Hills premieres this Monday. Billed as "Lauren's last season," I'm sure it will be amazing.
GAG.
I wonder how many episodes The Diva will actually review of this shocking season. She is moving to another state in a few weeks, so I can see her excuse being that she just doesn't have the time.
Let's see if her fans revolt!
I know some people are excited about this film because of an allegiance they have to one Mr. Taylor Kitsch from Friday Night Lights. In the upcoming film, Taylor plays Gambit - a mutant that can turn an ordinary playing card into a deadly weapon and still find time to play football and woo Lyla Garrity.
Oh, wait.
I know others are not as excited about this film because they feel like, "WHO THE HELL IS THIS TV BOY AND IS HIS HAIR SUPPOSED TO LOOK UNWASHED?"
Let's all simmer down and wait to see the film on the big screen starting May 1st.
On a different note, I would just like to announce that I had no idea a new season of The Hills premieres this Monday. Billed as "Lauren's last season," I'm sure it will be amazing.
GAG.
I wonder how many episodes The Diva will actually review of this shocking season. She is moving to another state in a few weeks, so I can see her excuse being that she just doesn't have the time.
Let's see if her fans revolt!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Dina Lohan makes me violent
As in, 'After reading about Dina Lohan acting the fool, I was forced to eat chocolate in order to curb my violent rage of hate."
Or something like that.
So, The Always Orange One takes her two skanky daughters to Villa and assumes that they will have no trouble getting in. You know, because she is Dina Lohan and sooo important and her one daughter is a has been but in Dina's world she is still a relevant actress and her other daughter is a never was but in Dina's world is an aspiring singer.
Who cares that the aspiring singer is only 15? She looks at least 3 times that!
Well, the bouncer was having none of it. Who in their right mind would risk their job for the Lohan's? Thankfully, not this dude. He told them to beat it and have a nice life and WHY ARE YOU ORANGE????
So Dina, in a fit of entitlement and mania, screams the question that separates good people and d-bags. Are you ready? I'm sure you know what is coming, but here it is anyway:
"Do you know who I am?"
For real. With a straight face, even. Maybe she is the true "actor" in the family!
Well, little Linds must have been needing a fix (and fast!), because she jumps in with "You're making a huge mistake. Huge!"
OH MY GOSH, SHUT UP LOHAN'S!!!!!
That bouncer deserves a raise. Kudos, sir!
Or something like that.
So, The Always Orange One takes her two skanky daughters to Villa and assumes that they will have no trouble getting in. You know, because she is Dina Lohan and sooo important and her one daughter is a has been but in Dina's world she is still a relevant actress and her other daughter is a never was but in Dina's world is an aspiring singer.
Who cares that the aspiring singer is only 15? She looks at least 3 times that!
Well, the bouncer was having none of it. Who in their right mind would risk their job for the Lohan's? Thankfully, not this dude. He told them to beat it and have a nice life and WHY ARE YOU ORANGE????
So Dina, in a fit of entitlement and mania, screams the question that separates good people and d-bags. Are you ready? I'm sure you know what is coming, but here it is anyway:
"Do you know who I am?"
For real. With a straight face, even. Maybe she is the true "actor" in the family!
Well, little Linds must have been needing a fix (and fast!), because she jumps in with "You're making a huge mistake. Huge!"
OH MY GOSH, SHUT UP LOHAN'S!!!!!
That bouncer deserves a raise. Kudos, sir!
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Hold on to your sequins and feathers
Because after what feels like FOREVEVER, Project Runway is finally coming back to a tv near YOU! And me! And anyone who is fabulous and loves Tim Gunn.
NBC Universal, The Weinstein Company, and Lifetime television were locked in a bitchy battle of wills over the Weinstein's moving PR from Bravo to Lifetime. A settlement was reached and the 6th season of PR will premiere this summer. Bravo is out, Lifetime is in. Fierce!
Let's hope this season was worth the wait! Auf Wiedersehen!
NBC Universal, The Weinstein Company, and Lifetime television were locked in a bitchy battle of wills over the Weinstein's moving PR from Bravo to Lifetime. A settlement was reached and the 6th season of PR will premiere this summer. Bravo is out, Lifetime is in. Fierce!
Let's hope this season was worth the wait! Auf Wiedersehen!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Just when you thought he couldn't get any more annoying
John Mayer ups the ante on his foolishness.
Did you know he was on a four-day music cruise to Mexico? And that the ship is called the 'Mayercraft Carrier 2?' Ugh.
John pulled on his whitest short shorts and donned his Captain's hat (channeling a more flamboyant Captain Stubing, perhaps?) and showed off a pair of skinny, hairy legs. Gag.
Jennifer Aniston went from Brad to Vince to John. Life isn't always fair, is it Jenny?
Almost as upsetting as the prospect of being trapped on a boat with John Mayer, is the fact that people spent money to be trapped on a boat with John Mayer. Like, they voluntarily paid money to spend time with him. On a boat. In the ocean.
I feel like a moment of reflection is needed. Followed by a shot of Pepto.
Did you know he was on a four-day music cruise to Mexico? And that the ship is called the 'Mayercraft Carrier 2?' Ugh.
John pulled on his whitest short shorts and donned his Captain's hat (channeling a more flamboyant Captain Stubing, perhaps?) and showed off a pair of skinny, hairy legs. Gag.
Jennifer Aniston went from Brad to Vince to John. Life isn't always fair, is it Jenny?
Almost as upsetting as the prospect of being trapped on a boat with John Mayer, is the fact that people spent money to be trapped on a boat with John Mayer. Like, they voluntarily paid money to spend time with him. On a boat. In the ocean.
I feel like a moment of reflection is needed. Followed by a shot of Pepto.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
An assortment of goodies
Rihanna got a gun tattoo from tattoo artist BangBang. Message to Chris Brown?
Mrs. Chris Martin has designed a Fall/Winter 09 collection with French Label ZOEtee. It's called "ZOEtee's Loves Gwyneth" and consists of what I'm sure will be overpriced crap that fits sizes 0-4. The good news is that proceeds from every piece sold will be donated to London's Kids Company, which provides support in various ways to at risk children and young people.
Beyonce's publicist has stated that she has a 19-inch waist. Ummm....no. B, as annoying as she is, has curves that she seems to embrace. I applaud her for having a real body. However, having her publicist come out with this garbage is proof that everything in the entertainment industry comes down to weight. Very sad.
Speaking of, Scarlett Johansson is thinning down for her upcoming role in Iron Man 2. You know. Because she's SO HUGE. Gah. She's almost, but not completely, got the Christina Ricci 'big head on a small body' look going on. Not attractive. Just sad.
Also sad? Lindsay Lohan's film, Labour Pains is premiering on ABC Family before going to dvd. WHAT THE HELL? Oh, Linds. I feel badly for ABC Family.
Maddie is planning to adopt another baby from Malawi. A little girl this time. Some advice on how to choose a baby: whichever one doesn't cry when seeing your scary hands and worked-over face. Good luck.
Mrs. Chris Martin has designed a Fall/Winter 09 collection with French Label ZOEtee. It's called "ZOEtee's Loves Gwyneth" and consists of what I'm sure will be overpriced crap that fits sizes 0-4. The good news is that proceeds from every piece sold will be donated to London's Kids Company, which provides support in various ways to at risk children and young people.
Beyonce's publicist has stated that she has a 19-inch waist. Ummm....no. B, as annoying as she is, has curves that she seems to embrace. I applaud her for having a real body. However, having her publicist come out with this garbage is proof that everything in the entertainment industry comes down to weight. Very sad.
Speaking of, Scarlett Johansson is thinning down for her upcoming role in Iron Man 2. You know. Because she's SO HUGE. Gah. She's almost, but not completely, got the Christina Ricci 'big head on a small body' look going on. Not attractive. Just sad.
Also sad? Lindsay Lohan's film, Labour Pains is premiering on ABC Family before going to dvd. WHAT THE HELL? Oh, Linds. I feel badly for ABC Family.
Maddie is planning to adopt another baby from Malawi. A little girl this time. Some advice on how to choose a baby: whichever one doesn't cry when seeing your scary hands and worked-over face. Good luck.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
This is your mind on crack
Lindsay Lohan is the gift that keeps on giving...and I don't just mean STDs. Sam Ronson, get tested!
Little Girl Lost gave an interview with E! (because they are as cracky as she is, I guess), and the crack talk was amped up to 11:
With everything that's gone on with my family, my parents still taught us how to have tact, class, respect for others and how to follow our dreams and never change who we are for anyone or anything.
"Class" and "Lohan" do not go hand-in-hand. In fact, they don't even live in the same atmosphere. That family is whack.
If people would just leave my personal life alone—because it's really not that interesting—then I could land a great role.
Ummm...your personal life is the only thing people know about you now, Linds. Mean Girls was years ago. You know what was more recent? I Know Who Killed Me. How that was overlooked for an Oscar I'll never know. So powerful! Also more recently...club appearances with Sammy, a line of leggings, orange skin, weight loss, stringy hair, and rehab. Oh, and the crack. And the fighting with Sammy. And the shopping sprees.
SHUT IT, LINDS! YOU GOT KICKED OFF OF UGLY BETTY!! You couldn't even keep it together long enough for a story arc on Ugly Betty. Stop with the whining and get thee to real rehab where you aren't given beautiful oceanfront views and catered food.
I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be.
Oh my.
Very ambitious, isn't she? For someone that can't hold a job and blows through money, that is. Yikes.
The bottom line is that we are each responsible for our actions. If people think you are an unprofessional brat, that means you have done things to warrant that belief. People aren't picking these thoughts out of the air. Stop blaming other people for your life, Linds. Otherwise I'm going to start calling you "My Mother 2.0."
My gosh, this girl is tedious.
Little Girl Lost gave an interview with E! (because they are as cracky as she is, I guess), and the crack talk was amped up to 11:
With everything that's gone on with my family, my parents still taught us how to have tact, class, respect for others and how to follow our dreams and never change who we are for anyone or anything.
"Class" and "Lohan" do not go hand-in-hand. In fact, they don't even live in the same atmosphere. That family is whack.
If people would just leave my personal life alone—because it's really not that interesting—then I could land a great role.
Ummm...your personal life is the only thing people know about you now, Linds. Mean Girls was years ago. You know what was more recent? I Know Who Killed Me. How that was overlooked for an Oscar I'll never know. So powerful! Also more recently...club appearances with Sammy, a line of leggings, orange skin, weight loss, stringy hair, and rehab. Oh, and the crack. And the fighting with Sammy. And the shopping sprees.
SHUT IT, LINDS! YOU GOT KICKED OFF OF UGLY BETTY!! You couldn't even keep it together long enough for a story arc on Ugly Betty. Stop with the whining and get thee to real rehab where you aren't given beautiful oceanfront views and catered food.
I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be.
Oh my.
Very ambitious, isn't she? For someone that can't hold a job and blows through money, that is. Yikes.
The bottom line is that we are each responsible for our actions. If people think you are an unprofessional brat, that means you have done things to warrant that belief. People aren't picking these thoughts out of the air. Stop blaming other people for your life, Linds. Otherwise I'm going to start calling you "My Mother 2.0."
My gosh, this girl is tedious.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Angie needs Detox?
According to The Sun, Angie Jolie is on a liquid diet to lose weight.
From her lips? Because those plumpers are the only thing on her with any weight.
The earth mother and Brad Pitt admirer is currently filming the CIA thriller, Salt. She does all of her own stunts (well, excuse me!) and people on set are worried she will be too weak to perform. Will she use the power of her children to get her through?
You know Zahara's 'Bitch, please!' looks could rule the world.
Given that this story is from The Sun, we should take it with a grain of salt.
Ha! Salt. Get it?
I need chocolate.
From her lips? Because those plumpers are the only thing on her with any weight.
The earth mother and Brad Pitt admirer is currently filming the CIA thriller, Salt. She does all of her own stunts (well, excuse me!) and people on set are worried she will be too weak to perform. Will she use the power of her children to get her through?
You know Zahara's 'Bitch, please!' looks could rule the world.
Given that this story is from The Sun, we should take it with a grain of salt.
Ha! Salt. Get it?
I need chocolate.
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