Oops I forgot my panties!

What is with Brit Brit flaunting her cooch all over Cali and Vegas? Good Lord, woman, put that thing away! Look at the type of men it attracts.

I know its hard to remember to wear any panties when you hang out with with Paris and Firecrotch, but really! Have some dignity. You are a mama for goodness sakes.

Yes, Britney, you do have children. Well, you at least have one. I'm not sure what happened to Sean Preston after you let Paris hold him. She probably sold him for some magic beans inside of Hyde nightclub. And by magic beans, I mean crack.

Hopefully the little guy is living a much safer life now. Of course, he could dodge traffic with a coke whore all day and be much safer then he would be living with Britney.

The girl has gone crazy, I tell ya!

Let the "Sunshine" through

One of my favorite films of the year, Little Miss Sunshine, scored five Independent Spirit Award nominations today.

It tied for most nominations with the film Half Nelson, starring Ryan Gosling as a drug-addicted high school teacher that buys from his students. Edgy!

Sadly, Steve Carell, Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, and Abigail Breslin were not nominated. They were robbed, I tell ya. ROBBED!

Happily, Paul Dano and Alan Arkin will be competing for Best Supporting Actor. Best of luck for a two-way tie.

The Awards, dubbed the "anti-Oscars" will be held in Santa Monica on February 24th(the day before the Oscars). Sarah Silverman is back as host. Love her.

True love only lasts for 4 months

Or, however long it takes for your buzz to wear off.

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are OVER. They each filed for divorce today, just four months after getting married three times.

Oy. People are dumb.

And, has anyone seen Pammy lately? She looks like she has had work done north of her breasts. Something about her face looks different. Maybe she's just laying off the coke.

And I'm already bored with this story.

Moving on to something more interesting - RUN, DON'T WALK to see For Your Consideration. It is an absolutely hilarious spoof of Hollywood done by the amazing Christopher Guest and crew. Jennifer Coolidge steals the show as a producer. Love her.

And I'm dying to know what they did to Catherine O'Hara to make her look like she had a facelift. Too funny.

But, seriously, you don't know where that hand has been

This is getting good.

Last Friday, ClayAiken guest-hosted on Live with Regis and Kelly. During the segment where he and Kelly interviewed Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke, Gayken felt he wasn't able to get a word in edgewise....so he covered Kelly's mouth with his hand.

Say what?

Kelly visibly bristled and then responded, "Oh, that's a no-no. I don't know where that hand has been, honey."

That gets two snaps in a circle!

I don't blame Kelly for being pissed. When you are a guest on someone's show, you don't try to upstage the host. And you don't put your hand over their mouth. First of all, that's nasty. Secondly, its just plain rude. And, does Clay know where Kelly's mouth has been? No, he doesn't.

Who knew little Clay had it in him? Probably Kathy Griffin. I would love to get her take on this.

Anyway, on today's episode of The View, Rosie O. went batshit over the incident. She claimed that Kelly's remark was homophobic, and that if it had been someone else(read: someone who wasn't gay)Kelly would not have made the remark.

Oh, Rosie. Someone needs a nap.

Last I checked, Clay was still fighting the gay rumors, so its not like he's officially "out" and Kelly was horrified to be sitting next to a gay man. Also, Kelly adores local NY weatherman Sam Champion, who IS officially out, but I'm sure she would have said the same thing to him if he had pulled that crap.

I don't care if you are gay, straight, black, white, annoying, sweet, boring or old. YOU DON'T TOUCH PEOPLE LIKE THAT. Its rude. Plain and simple. Keep your hands to yourself.

And come out already, Clay. Learn from Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass. No one gives a shit because we've all known it for years.

And that new hair color is not helping your case, btw. It screams drag queen.

Yes, there is something wrong with that

Cosmo Kramer is a racist! Get out!

This past Friday night, Michael Richards performed at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. After getting heckled by two African American men in the audience, he proceeded to go nuts. Like, more than Kramer did when he saw Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts.

He dropped the "N" bomb like it was going out of style, and stunned everyone in attendance. The incident was caught on an audience member's cellphone, and showed Richards pacing back and forth on stage while saying things like, "Throw his ass out. He's a n*****!"

Oh, Cosmo.

Today, the Laugh Factory held a press conference saying that Richards would be banned and his behavior would not be tolerated. Everyone at Friday night's show was refunded.

I, being cynical, smell two things: a cry for help, and for publicity. I doubt Julia Louis-Dreyfus is going to ask him to guest on The New Adventures of Old Christine now.

Richards will appear on David Letterman's show tonight, via satellite, to apologize. Coincidentally, Jerry Seinfeld will be a guest.

Good for Jerry, taking care of his psychotic friends. Yikes.

Upgrades suck

They really do.

So, Blogger has upgraded its system recently, and my low budget work computer won't let me log on anymore. What does this mean? My posts will now be old news. EW! How do they expect me to work like that?

So, here is a little wrap-up of the last few days:

Mario Lopez and his perma-bitch-face partner, Karina Smirnoff, can SUCK IT! They lost to Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke on Wednesday night's exciting Dancing with the Stars finale. It was incredible. Kudos to the reigning dance champs for some truly memorable weeks of television. And I still can't believe I watch this show.

Oh, and can someone please see fit to replace Samantha Harris next season? She was barely tolerable as an E! correspondent. There is no room in network television for her and her screaming. Samantha, hon, its called a microphone. You can speak into it with normal voice volume. HATE!

Last night's The Office broke my heart and made me laugh my ass off. I love and hate so much the things that show chooses to be. Thank God Jim is back in Scranton.

And I would like to give a pre-emptive congrats to Tom and Katie, who will be marrying this weekend in Italy. GAG. So lame.

George Clooney is the Sexiest Man Alive

Well, my Mom certainly thinks so. And so does People Magazine.

George was named the magazine's sexiest male for the 2nd time, tying the record of his good friend, Brad Pitt. Congrats, George! Please don't allow Ocean's 13 to suck.

Now, I will admit that I was a little pissed when I found out Patrick Dempsey came in 2nd. And by "a little pissed" I mean "threw a hissy like Naomi Campbell."

But, after throwing my cellphone at the hired help, I realized that 2nd place is fine. I mean, it's not like I'll ever meet either one of them, so who really gives a crap? My life is so out of whack that I'm now sitting here impatiently waiting for the finale of Dancing with the Stars, so I can get more pissed off when Mario Lopez steals that ghetto-looking trophy from Emmitt Smith!

Ahem.

So, congrats to George, who really is a good-looking son-of-a-bitch. Especially compared to Ashton Kutcher, who, I mean, c'mon People! EW! What were you thinking? The boy looks like bathing went out with his last good career move. And by "career move" I mean "marrying Demi."

What? I said it.

Rocking the catsuit

It's not a look I would feel comfortable with, but Kylie Minogue worked it on stage this past Sunday night in Australia. Oh, and look at that - she brought a good looking Irish fellow on stage with her. No, I'm not jealous. Why do you ask?

Bono joined Kylie during the 2nd night of her Showgirl Homecoming Tour, and they sang a duet of her single, "Kids," to a sold-out crowd of 10,000. I wish I was there, damnit!

After being diagnosed with cancer in Spring of 2005, Kylie is back on the road and looking better then ever. She credits the support of her family, and boyfriend Olivier Martinez, with helping her through that difficult time.

Kudos to you, Kylie! I'll even forget that horrible rendition of "The Locomotion." That's the kind of mood I'm in.

All dressed up with no drink in hand

That was our favorite lush, Tara Reid, as she strutted(without stumbling)down the red carpet at the premiere of The Fountain.

The movie stars Hugh Jackman as a man trying to save the life of the woman he loves, played by Rachel Weisz. The movie spans three generations, and involves the Fountain of Youth, so I'm sure Tara tried her best to pay attention in hopes of finding its exact location.

Well, I must say that she looked less slutty and more together then she has in a very long time, so kudos to whoever dressed her for the evening.

I just hope she didn't turn into a pumpkin at midnight and think she was back on Taradise. Yikes.

Joely Richardson leaves Nip/Tuck

Sadly, its not because of the storyline that Connor turns his lobster claw on Julia in a fit of infant rage. That would have been great!

In all seriousness, she is leaving the show because her 12-year-old daughter suffers from a circulation problem in her legs and will be undergoing numerous operations over the next several months.

Joely, who normally splits her time between Los Angeles and London, will move back to London full-time to be with her daughter(who she shares custody of with her ex).

Well, I do wish her daughter well and hope that these surgeries prove successful.

Still, a part of me wishes she was leaving for more scandalous reasons....like, she was pregnant with John Hensley's baby, and couldn't stand to be around him since they've broken up(Hensley plays her son, Matt, on the show), or Dylan Walsh and Julian McMahon couldn't stand her and forced her out.

I hate when celebrities are normal. It makes me feel funny.

"Huh?" and "Well, they better have!"

So, NBC has decided to give a full season pickup to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. So much for the cancellation rumors.

I don't like this show. I gave it two episodes, and I was out. First of all, the dialogue is horrible. Everyone comes off sounding pretentious or whiny. Or both. Spare me, Sorkin.

Second, Amanda Peet is a horrible actor. I've never found her enjoyable in anything. She has such a wooden delivery and her attempt at humor is laughable for all the wrong reasons. And, no, this has nothing to do with the fact that she did a movie with Michael Vartan. I'm not jealous! I'm just annoyed.

Third, I don't like Matthew Perry. He bugs.

Better news is that ABC has picked up Men in Trees for a full season, and is moving it to Thursdays at 10:00 starting November 30th. I know, I know. I can Anne Heche-bash with the best of them(LONG LIVE CELESTIA!), but this show is really good. It's sweet and funny and (surprisingly) it got to me after I was able to move past the first ten minutes of the pilot episode(I swear that Anne sucked on helium. My ears were bleeding).

Plus, James Tupper is hot and doesn't speak much on the show. He's perfect!

Although, this now puts him in direct competition with Mr. John Stamos on ER.

Decisions, decisions.

In the meantime, I guess this is the end for Six Degrees. I finally went with my gut and took no interest in a J.J. Abrams-produced series. I think I'm the better for it.

Rumor has it that ABC may bring it back in January, but what's the point? I'm sure there will be a new Bachelor premiering by then. YAWN.

And then there will be two

Who will get kicked off of Dancing with the Stars tonight? I have no idea, but I'm rooting for Emmitt and Cheryl to win it all. And, yes, I actually voted last night on abc.com. Sue me.

Yes, Cheryl won last season with Drew Lachey, but if anyone deserves a 2nd straight win, its Ms. Burke. She has worked her ass off this season, and has turned Emmitt into a wonderful dancer. Who knew he was capable of it? Not me.

And, I'm sorry, but what is with the constant bitch face that Mario's partner, Karina, is always wearing? Honey, please. And enough with those wigs. I get the feeling she'd be just as happy becoming the newest member of the Pussycat Dolls. Your dancing does not impress, Ms. Smirnoff. Speaking of, I could use a cocktail.

Anyway, Joey (Whoa!) Lawrence still freaks me out with his bald head. Remember how much hair he had on Blossom? Where did it all go, Joey? Makes me worried that I may be bald by 40.

I guess I'll just borrow one of Karina's wigs.

*BREAKING NEWS*

Britney has finally woken up and smelled the Cheetos! Our favorite little mental mom has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Like, I have money, and you can't even sell out Webster Hall! Oh, snap, y'all!

So long, K-Fed. It was horrible knowing you and I pray you shut the hell up for good.

Its time to turn away from all the entertainment shows, as they will milk this for all its worth. I hope Mark Steines can follow up his exclusive Anna Nicole interview with a K-Fed sit down. GAG.

Well, all I can say to Brit is "Good for you, ya little bumpkin!" Maybe she can finally get her life together. I wonder if Justin will call with congratulations? Not if Cam has anything to say about it.

I just hope those poor kids don't get a hold of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. Haven't they suffered enough?

Maybe she just hates American Idol

That could be why Faith Hill lost it last night at the Country Music Awards. She lost to AI winner Carrie Underwood for Female Vocalist of the Year. Ouch!

Now, I haven't seen the video of Faith's freakout(thanks for nothing, low budget work software)but I hear it is hilarious. Think hands in the air, mouth dropping, and storming off backstage. Priceless!

Now, I'm not a big country music fan. I do like my Dixie Chicks, but I could not sit through an entire awards show(besides, they weren't even there)of people I don't know, listening to music I don't particularly care for. Besides, it was on a Monday night, and Heroes is on!

I can't wait to get home and see this less-then-proud moment from Faith. I think its hilarious that all of these stars give the b.s. about it being an "honor to be nominated," but as soon as they lose, their true colors come out.

Or, maybe she was really just pissed off at Keith Urban for going into rehab and ruining her chance to meet Nicole Kidman.

Okay, I've seen it: I think it was staged. Like, she over-reacted just a little too much. Still, coming out now and saying it was a joke, Faith? Hmmm......you knew that kind of reaction would get attention, so....wait...maybe the joke is on me. Because, seriously, I just blogged about Faith Hill.

What a minx!

Gwen, Doogie, and Mary Jane

Just a few random thoughts:

Gwen Stefani's new song, "Wind it Up," is horrible. I've never been a fan of yodelling, so there is the first strike against it. I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to "sampling," but I feel that Julie Andrews is bleeding from her ears as I type. Oh, Gwen. Was this Pharrell-approved? I feel it wasn't.

Poor Kingston probably covers his little ears when this is played.

Next, Neil Patrick Harris is gay. That "toot" you hear is my horn. Please. This was too easy. Love that his publicist said last week that "he is not of that persuasion." Hmmm.....maybe they meant vegetarian. Love ya, Neil! He is absolutely perfect playing a womanizer on How I Met Your Mother. Pure brilliance.

Finally, Kirsten Dunst is so annoying in Elizabethtown, that I question how I'm going to sit through her scenes in the next Spiderman movie. MY GOD, she was horrible. Yes, I know I'm late to the party, but I just watched it last week and am still traumatized. What was Cameron Crowe thinking???

Between her being the most annoying airline attendant EVER, and her need to take pictures with an invisible camera, I thought my head was going to explode from all the quirkiness. And don't get me started on how little chemistry she had with Orlando Bloom. Just awful.

Oh, and Kirsten, they're called bras. Wear one.

Someone needs a smack

As if I didn't find Kanye West utterly annoying already.

Last night, at the MTV Europe Awards, he bum rushed the stage when his video for "Touch the Sky" lost Video of the Year to some duo no one has ever heard of.

PSYCHO! Seriously, take a Vicodin.

It's fine to be bitter when you lose to Justice and Simian(like I said, never heard of them), BUT, keep it together when you are in a room full of people. Wait until you get home to stomp around like a fool and burn all of your copies of Ray(You know he got sick of Jamie Foxx, too.)

Here is the list of reasons he gave why his video should have won: It cost a million dollars, it had Pamela Anderson in it, and he jumped across canyons.

If he had put The Hoff in it, then he'd have a point.

SHUT UP, Kanye!

The only way I would have accepted this display of idiocy is if, when rushing the stage, he had run smack into Justin Timberlake and knocked him on his ass.

I guess there is always next year.

Stop the insanity!

Why on earth does anyone want to re-make the movie Working Girl????? And why is Jessica Simpson considering taking on the last good role of Melanie Griffith's career???

This is such a bad idea. Have studio executives learned nothing from The Dukes of Hazzard and Employee of the Month?

Because I have. And I didn't see either movie!

JESSICA SIMPSON CAN'T ACT. EVER. Like, even as a normal person.

I think the only reason people(supposedly)found her so charming on Newlyweds is because Nick balanced out her asshatery(yes, that is a word). Tuna or chicken? HA! Except, no. The only funny thing about that scene was Nick's look of horror at what an idiot he married.

Yeah, I know she claims that playing dumb is all an act, but look at Ashlee. She is just as much of an idiot in interviews.

Its definitely in the genes.

So, I'm hoping that someone will put a stop to this remake as soon as possible. I mean, there are already so many horrible ideas floating around out there.

Yes, Rob Zombie, I am looking at you and your "retelling" of Halloween. Kill me.