Friday, October 23, 2009

Yes, I'm alive

I've just been consumed with playoff baseball.

The Yankees are taking a 3-2 series lead back to Da Bronx tomorrow night with Andrew Eugene Pettitte on the mound. Andy is probably flipping through his "Power For Living" book as we speak, so I want to send him some good vibes and best wishes.

Love you, Andy!

A lot has been happening in the world of entertainment over the past few weeks. Let's recap, shall we?

Lindsay has bigger lips. Nicky Kidman, too. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Not a good look for either of you. Brings more attention to your faces, and, really, not a good idea. At all.

Sienna Miller has landed on Broadway (and more than a few men, I'm guessing) as she stars in After Miss Julie. Oy. Reviews focused on her looks, always a nice, condescending way of saying, "Ummmm....best stick to breaking up marriages, ho."

The Kardashians have fake married people, gotten knocked up by d-bags, and reconciled with their football player boyfriends. I'm exhausted! No wonder Bruce Jenner needs so much plastic surgery. He must not get any sleep with all of those bitches fighting for the spotlight. Pipe down, hags!

Jon and Kate have fought and fought and fought in the media (are they the PA version of the Lohan Family?) and Jon has continued to make poor clothing decisions. My hope is that the twins take the younger kids and run away. This has the makings of a nice Disney film as they are taken in by a kind, sane, rational family that has enough money to pay for all of their therapy bills. Good luck, kids!

A shady family made people think their son was trapped in a flying balloon. It was riveting drama. Sadly, we were all duped. Luckily, no one was hurt. Although, there are now allegations of spousal abuse and child endangerment and who knows where this will all lead. All I know is that no sane family would subject themselves to the tv show Wife Swap, and that should have been our first clue that something was not quite right. Also, naming your son Falcon.

I enjoyed a delicious red velvet cupcake from Crumbs bakery. I highly recommend it.

Ashley Simpson-Wentz got her ass fired from Melrose Place. Oh, Ash. She'll now have more time to spend with her husband and child. And not eat.

Celebrities did things that annoyed me. They are too numerous to mention, but just know that I know you know who you are. And I'm very disappointed in all of you.

Well, I hope you feel you have been caught up with all that is vital and news- worthy. If not, please keep it to yourself. If, however, you feel your life has been enriched by this blog entry, feel free to send baked goods or cash to my home.

Go Yanks!!!!!!!

Friday, October 09, 2009

Open letter to The Office writers

Stop making hour-long episodes.

Stop writing Michael over-the-top inappropriate at weddings and other formal gatherings.

Stop playing Chris Brown music.

Stop making montages.

Sincerely,
Annoyed

Not thrilled with the Jim/Pam wedding AT. ALL.

Their (far too few) moments were sweet, but really??? with the dancing down the aisle? Ugh. Stop.

At least Boston lost and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was hilarious.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

We are cordially invited

Tonight's the night!

No, not the ALDS. That started last night. And the Yankees won. Despite Jorge and C.C. acting foolish in the early going. Uh-huh. Oh, boys. Thank goodness "Captain, My Captain" took control of the situation and lead by example.

Take a seat, Joe Mauer.

Anyway, tonight is the night for a wedding. And we don't even have to buy gifts! Good, because I don't get paid until next Thursday.

Tonight at 9pm, Jim and Pam will finally marry on The Office. It is an hour long episode that promises to be awkward, funny, uncomfortable, and sweet. It's JAM, y'all! And they have a baby on the way. Time to say "I Do" and sign up for Lamaze class.

I can remember back before the series started, when I was a loyal reader of E!'s "Watch with Wanda." Kristin Veitch, aka "Wanda," could not say enough good things about the American remake of the British workplace comedy. Not having seen the original, but knowing who Steve Carell was, I gave it a try.

It's been true, awkward love ever since.

The heart of the show has always been the relationship between Jim and Pam. In the original, it was Tim and Dawn. In both cases, it started as a case of unrequited love. And Jim/Tim were the characters that we as an audience rooted for to get the girl (who in both cases were engaged to guys that weren't good enough for them). In the original series, which lasted for only two seasons, SPOILER ALERT Tim and Dawn did not get together. Dawn actually moved to Florida with her fiance.

Then, the brilliant minds of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant made a Christmas Special that brought Dawn back to the office for a visit. What follows is pure gold. Rent the series if you haven't watched it yet. The humor is a bit more awkward, but the love story is just as sweet. Martin Freeman and Lucy Davis are every bit as perfectly cast as John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer.

The American version of the show is now in its sixth season. Fans had to wait three seasons for Jim and Pam to get together. Luckily, once together, there was none of the horrible break-up/make-up nonsense that plagues other shows. There were no long-lost daughters to contend with (yes, I am still bitter Amy Sherman-Palladino!!!), or prolonged misunderstandings just to drive up ratings. Just two people continuing to rely on each other to get through their workdays at Dunder Mifflin. But now they were dating and adorable and as nerdy as ever.

Tonight I look forward to the culmination of a relationship I have enjoyed watching grow every Thursday night. Raise a glass to the happy couple, sit back, and enjoy!

Thursday, October 01, 2009

A tribute

It is with a heavy heart (and a stomach full of leftover rice) that I inform all of my loyal readers (especially you, George Glass!) that The Diva will no longer be recapping The Hills for this website.

I know. I know. It's a dark day.

Actually, it's Cloudy with a Chance of (Tofu) Meatballs.

But seriously, folks, our Diva has determined that she can no longer subject her intellect to a show that has none. Watching a group of overpaid brats whine, pout, pretend to work, whine, pout, eat dinner, go to clubs, pretend to have problems, and give each other the side eye was just too exhausting. I mean, Justin Bobby brought too much drama for one Diva to recap! Time for a nap.

Not to mention that with Penn State football and New York Yankee baseball to watch, there is very little time for nonsense. Tis the season to be true to your school and Minka Kelly's boyfriend. Bitches and homeless-looking boys will have to live fake lives without the Diva's stink eye. Let's see how long they last!

I'm sure we will hear from The Diva again before too long. Perhaps she will grant us an exclusive interview about what she plans on buying her sister for Christmas (cash means love). Fingers crossed!

Godspeed, Diva.