A McGosling sighting

Say what? When? Where? Why?

Don't know what McGosling is? Then clearly you have stumbled, drunk off your ass, out of a club with an Olsen twin.

Have you seen The Notebook? Don't judge! I haven't seen the whole thing, to be honest, but what I saw was good. Ryan Gosling in the rain, for example. His undying love for Rachel McAdams. Her perfectly styled hair. Their onscreen chemistry. All good examples.

Well, they started dating after the film and apparently continue to have quite a following even after their break up. This reminds me of Gartan fans, until we were informed that the Garner half of Gartan was dating Ben Affleck. Ouch! I still get a sharp pain in my side when I think about it. And dry heave. And sometimes cry. But I'm over it. Really.

Uh, so....oh, right. McGosling. Good celebrity name. They should have lasted.

Perhaps hope is not lost, though. Perhaps they will rise from the ashes and survive Ryan's co-starring in a film with Kirsten Dunst (bathe, woman!). Perhaps they will live to once again laugh at Rachel's pink hair phase.

Why so hopeful?

Because, my friends, the two were spotted leaving the Green Door lounge in Hollywood on Tuesday night. Ryan is now a deejay there on Tuesday nights during the club's jazz night. Oy, actors love to spin the beats, don't they? And since when does jazz night need a deejay? Anyway, Rachel came out to support her former boyfriend in a purple dress and matching heels. You know what that means, don't you? Purple is her favorite color. DUH!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Fingers crossed for these two crazy kids.

Freddie Prinze, Jr. gets a job

This is too random and ridiculous. Hence, why I love it.

Freddie Prinze, Jr. has a new job. Not as Brian Austin Greene's assistant, but as a new member of the WWE's 'creative team.'

Say what? Oh, goodness.

The sometime actor, married to the sweet and personable Sarah Michelle Gellar, is apparently a huge wrestling fan. He's attended several events in the past few months, including Wrestlemania. Who knew?

Is he an HBK fan? DUH! Everyone is.

The big question isn't whether or not he has a Triple H shirt in his closet, but whether or not Sarah is happy about this. On the one hand, at least he's working. On the other, HE'S WORKING FOR THE WWE.

If we start seeing photos of him bulked up, we'll all know what the initiation into the franchise is.

Scandal rocks Celebrity Skewer

This will probably be all over E! and Perez Hilton soon, but I wanted to break the news that there is an internal scuffle taking place at Celebrity Skewer. And it isn't pretty.

The Hills recapper, Jessica, is pulling her own Lo Bosworth and talking trash and causing trouble. No, not about Audrina, but about Brangelina naming Bono godfather of their twins. She not only takes issue with Bono, but about both halves of Brange.

Now, I don't consider myself to be a huge Angie fan. I've gained respect for her efforts as UN Ambassador and full-time uterus over the years, but I still get annoyed. BUT, Brad and Bono will not be vilified. Don't even.

With the upcoming season of The Hills only weeks away (maybe? I don't know), now would not be the time for sass. Someone may find herself out of a job, and in this struggling economy I'm sure I could find someone out there who will work for less pay.

(Please overlook the fact that recappers on this website are not paid for their services).

Time will tell if someone gets their act together and stops hatin'.

In other, less scandalous news, Rebecca "Don't call me Stamos!" Romijn and Jerry "How do I still have a career?" O'Connell are expecting twins by year's end. Congrats!

What an idiot

Oh, Shia.

I was first alerted to a Breaking News bulletin from E! yesterday afternoon while watching some special on Britney's meltdown. (Riveting, by the way). Then I see that Shia got himself a DUI early Sunday morning in LA after getting into an accident.

Shia loves the sauce, doesn't he?

I remember when he was on Letterman promoting the Indy movie and talked about his incident at Walgreens when he was charged with misdemeanor criminal trespassing. At Walgreens. Why, you ask? Because his drunk ass wanted cigarettes and entered a Walgreens repeatedly, each time forgetting the cigarettes because he became paranoid that a security guard thought he was shoplifting. Dummy even went back to his hotel room to change clothes in order to keep the guard from remembering him. Uh huh.

The simple days of Even Stevens seem so far away, don't they?

Luckily, no one was seriously hurt in Sunday's accident. Shia actually suffered the most damage, having to have extensive surgery on his left hand. This will hold up production on Transformers 2 and Michael Bay doesn't seem the type to take news like this lightly. Not to mention the fact that a SAG strike is looming and people are trying to wrap up film shoots as quickly as possible.

Good going, LaBeouf.

Anyone watching Bikini or Bust?

It's a new TLC series on Friday nights after What Not to Wear. Now that Johnny K. is getting ready to start Season 5 of The Office, my Friday nights are free. Love you, John! Thanks for a great few weeks of pretend dates!

Ahem.

So, Ashley Paige is a bikini designer that has no money to make her designs in bulk. She needs a backer or fairy godmother to supply the cash so she can make millions of ruffled bikinis for the masses. Somehow she barely scrapes together the rent for her studio and I assume she is paying her staff. She is too flighty to work with for them to be doing this for free.

Did I mention she loves candles? She is very mystical and into seances and spirits and she is so someone I would not be friends with for even a minute. But there is something intriguing about her never having money (check!), not having a boyfriend (check!), and having her mother around constantly (check!). If I was creative, had stringy hair in desperate need of conditioning, and weighed 90 lbs., we could be twins.

Check out TLC Friday nights at 10:00pm and watch this mess.

Also, Amy Winehouse thinks her drug addict husband would make a great father. Crackheads are so funny!

The wonder twins were made in a science lab

Really? According to US Weekly, Brange used in vitro fertilization so that the Ange part of Brange wouldn't have to "deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant."

Is that a sly remark about her not wanting to have sex with Brad?

I better call her brother James to find out the real story. You know, the one we all thought she was in love with years ago? Oh, Angelina. What a strange trip it has been.

Regardless of how she achieved two people living in her womb for almost 9 months, they are out now and I expect to see them on a magazine cover very soon. Some guesses are that photos will go for 16 million. Cha-ching! If only normal people could profit from popping out children for photo shoots. I'd have 10 by now. Ouch!

Oh, right. Brange is going to give the money to charity. How about a cool million to the writer of this blog? I'll buy a better layout and dedicate it to Shiloh! Pinky swear!

Fine. I'd blow it all on Ben & Jerry's. But I'd raise a spoon to Shiloh as I dig into New York Super Fudge Chunk.

Jessica Biel will be pissed

You know why?

Because reports claim that Justin will duet with Brit Brit on her new album.

Say what?

For reals, yo. (That is my Justin impersonation, btw).

I've heard these reports before. Wasn't J supposed to guest on B's last album? I guess even he saw through the haze of Cheetos dust and knew those songs were going to be ass. Maybe he's not as dumb as he looks. Or acts (in movies or on stage).

Will there be a renewed spark now that Britney's weaves have gotten a tiny bit better and she seems to have gotten her life in order? In the immortal words of one Mr. Justin Bobby, "Truth and time will tell."

Preach it!

This doesn't sound good

Christian Bale was arrested in London on Tuesday after assault allegations were made by his mother and sister.

Easy, Bruce Wayne.

The incident occurred on Sunday at the Dorchester hotel, where Christian was staying for the UK premiere of The Dark Knight. He allegedly "lashed out" at his mother and sister in his hotel room.

Hmmm....I lash out at my tv when A-Rod strikes out with the bases loaded, or when Andy steals Jim's thunder and I'm left with not seeing a Jim/Pam engagement for an entire summer, but this sounds more threatening.

Oh, Christian. What the hell? You have everything going for you. The movie is a phenomenon, you are well-liked and respected in Hollywood....this is not acceptable behavior. EVER.

I hope he doesn't try to blame it on jet lag or insomnia. And I hope his daughter wasn't present at the time.

Christian was released after being questioned and has to return to a London police station in September.

Tori Spelling lies

Tori claims to be thrilled to hear that Shannen Doherty will be joining her and appearing in several episodes of the CW's new 90210. Uh huh!

And Steve Sanders is a Mensa member!

Shannen will be reprising her role of Brenda Walsh for the new show, and will come in with guns blazing, I'm sure. Will she still wear bangs that fall in her face and cause her to blink EVERY SECOND OF HER LIFE? That is the question.

Brenda is now a drama teacher and will direct a play at good ole' West Beverly. Appropriate, as Brenda knew from drama while on the show. Will David Silver be doing the score on his keyboard? Will Steve provide tank tops for the boys in the cast?

Now, I know that Tori was the one person that remained tight with Shannen after all of Shannen's nonsense and eye rolling on set, but I thought that even Tori grew tired of the drama. And, I mean, if Tori Spelling grows tired of your stank attitude and tells you to beat it, something is wrong and you really need to look inward or read a self-help book to get it together. At least Shannen got rid of nasty-ass Rick Solomon before he picked up an STD (or 12) from Paris and Pam.

Shannen is the fourth member of the original cast to be joining the spin-off. In addition to Tori, Jennie Garth will be back as Kelly Taylor, now a counselor at West Beverly, and Joe E. Tata will be back as Nat (at least in the pilot). The Peach Pit lives!

Did the Peach Pit After Dark survive? Where is Jamie Walters? You know Ray Pruit still needs extra money to buy that other "T."

Will little Vi have a Tulip or Daisy to play with?

Speculation has been reaching a fever pitch lately that something is happening in the Garner/Affleck household. There were rumors as recent as last month that the couple was going to call it quits. And, no, those rumors were not started by the handsome and french Mr. Michael Vartan!

Well, now Victor Garber has gone and spilled the beans that Jennifer is pregnant! Will Jen be pleased that her main gay has loose lips with the media? If Vic has a black eye within the next few days, we'll know the answer.

Apparently Jen is 5 months pregnant and the couple is very happy. YAWN. I liked it better when Ben was gambling away his savings and showing up wasted to interviews. The good ole' days. Now he's directing movies and being domestic. Boring.

If it's a boy this time around I think they should name it Vaughn. Heh.

Emmy nominations - Blergh!

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled that Steve and Rainn and Alec and Tina and Lee and Kristin and Amy and Will and Jean and Christina and Neil were nominated. And The Office and 30 Rock and Lost were given their due.

But, where are my Friday Night Lights nominations? I defy anyone to explain to me (using logic and reason) why Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton were not nominated! Why wasn't Pushing Daisies given a Best Comedy nom? Two and a Half Men? Really?

John Krasinski, where is your nomination? Did The Piv take it again? John did outstanding work on a shortened season of The Office. After his poorly-chosen submission for last year's Emmy's, I was sure he would get a nomination this year with an episode entitled 'Branch Wars.' You remember it, don't you? When Michael and Dwight kidnap Jim and force him to go to the Utica branch to see ex-girlfriend, Karen, in hopes of keeping her from luring Stanley out of Scranton. That episode. John was funny, flustered, overwhelmed, and displayed a mean Irish brogue at the end. Emmy voters, you suck!

And so help me, if Seacrest wins 'Outstanding Host, Reality Series,' it will get ugly. Team Heidi (Klum, not Montag)!

You're out!

And since I'm talking about Project Runway, or P. Run, as some people like to call it, you know I mean "Out of the closet."

I have just heard from one of my sources that Austin Scarlett makes an appearance on tonight's Season 5 premiere episode. You remember, Austin, don't you? He was a Season 1 contestant that looked strangely like a mannequin. And I don't mean the movie with Kim Cattrell!

Anyway, I can't wait to see what whack jobs are on this final season on Bravo. Next season will start a run on Lifetime. I demand that Bea Arthur be a judge when that happens, by the way!

Enjoy the magnificence of Tim Gunn, the beauty of Heidi Klum, the bitchiness of Nina Garcia, and the dark blazer of Michael Kors tonight at 9pm.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Tranny going to jail

Khloe Kardashian is going to jail. And not for her hideous wardrobe, either!

The Chynna look-a-like was sentenced up to 30 days in LA County jail because she violated her probation following a DUI arrest. Dumb ass didn't complete her community service or enroll in alcohol education classes.

Well, who has time for that when there is a (staged) reality show to film?

Here's hoping she makes life-long friends and learns the latest in tranny fashion while behind bars. I'm sure Kim will pick her tightest outfit and visit her sister on a Very Special Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Knox me over with a feather

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

Angie gave birth to a boy and a girl on Saturday. That makes it six children in total, and I think it's safe to say that unless she and Brad are robots (and, they might be), they should both start looking beyond beat over the next several months. Seriously, I want to see Angie photographed with dark circles and bad hair, dammit!

So, anyway, they named their son Knox Leon. I sort of want to call Social Services, but I assume they would just laugh at me. BUT, COME ON! What the hell? At least their daughter has a more refined name: Vivienne Marcheline (Marcheline was Angie's mom's name).

Now, I didn't expect the boy to be named Jon, even though Angie has opened the lines of communication with her father after a long estrangement. Still, Knox? I guess if we can have an Apple, we can have a Knox. How hilarious would it be if they ended up together? Would Apple leave Knox for Pilot Inspektor? I smell a WB series about famous Hollywood children.

Congrats to the happy family.

Next up: Gwen Stefani. Some are speculating that she may also be carrying twins because she is so huge. Rude! Maybe it's just gas.

My invite was lost in the mail, I'm sure

Uh, Bono. We need to talk. STAT. I've spent a lot of money on cds, posters, and concert tickets over the years. I've hauled ass to see you in arenas and stadiums, sometimes having to stand on folding chairs and mentally curse the tall a**holes in front of me.

I've helped to pay for the mansion you invited Brad to. And now I want a tour!

So, Humanitarian, Activist, and all-around Ego maniacal Mad Man, Bono, invited Brad, Pax, and Robert De Niro and his brood to his mansion in Eze. I would have carpooled! Or walked. I can walk. Just make sure you have a cocktail and some chips and dip waiting for me when I get there. Some guacamole, too.

After a few days of visiting Angie in the hospital, you know Brad wanted some fresh air. I hear pregnancy hormones are a nightmare, and Angie looks like she would pull a knife on someone if the mood were to strike.

She's got crazy eyes.

Just call her 'Earl'

Maddie doesn't want karma kicking her ass because of this whole A-Rod mess, so the too-skinny pop icon has extended a hand to Britney. The girl-with-bad-weaves will tape a video segment to be used in Maddie's Sticky & Sweet Tour.

I'm sure it will be epic.

Brit got her weave did and reported for work at 9am this morning in West Hollywood. What a big girl! She showed up for a job! How novel.

I can't wait for all of my readers to write in and tell me what the video segment was and how much they loved/hated it. All of you out there, write a review of the show as soon as you see it!!! All of you.

Uh, yeah.

Drew and Warren P. Cheswick split

I loved Justin Long on Ed. I loved that show so much. Great cast. Justin was a riot as Warren.

He and Ms. Barrymore met on the set of He's Just Not That Into You last year, and quickly began smooching on each other. They were photographed everywhere and seemed to really be crazy for each other (they also seemed really high most of the time, but maybe that is just me).

Since the movie was pushed back to February of '09, that might be an awkward premiere red carpet. Of course, getting pushed back to February most likely means the movie blows, so I'm sure it would be awkward anyway.

Best of luck to both with future relationships!

Just call me Friday

Do you know why?

Because Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban named their daughter Sunday, and I want to compete! Everything in life is a competition, after all.

Sunday Rose Kidman was born....wait for it....on a Monday. Today. This Monday. So, it makes sense for her to be named Sunday. Like, never.

Is Botox to blame for this name? Has it permanently paralyzed Nic's forehead AND BRAIN? Or was this Keith's suggestion after hitting the bottle? Maybe he thought today was Sunday? The whole thing stinks of shady.

You know what else stinks? NY subway stations in the summer. But, I did meet Stephen Pasquale from Rescue Me on Saturday, so I don't care about the stink of summer in NY! Stephen is cute, and cute trumps stink.

Most of the time.