CMA Festival Day 3

And guess what? It's my last recap post, since Day 4 consisted of travel to various states. Sorry, dear readers, you are just going to have to put down the bong and use Google to read about who performed on the final day.

So, Day 3 - Saturday. Feeling better thanks to the power of prayer and white rice. The sun was out and it looked to be a great day to walk around and see all that downtown Nashville had to offer. And guess what? It offered a freebie bag with a nice commemorative program! Thank you, CMA Fest, for rewarding us for our 4-day passes. Would it have killed you to throw in a meet-n-greet with Darius Rucker? No, it would not have. But I digress.

A walk over to the Convention Center for Fan Fest proved that the sun is out and proud (and doesn't care who knows it!). I needed shelter soon or my Nicole Kidmanesque skin was going to burn right off.

Ah. Better. Inside there was air conditioning and food. I made it bland with a banana and found a place to park it. While waiting for my Aunt, The Diva, and Erin, I heard music coming from the floor below. Something was happening and my Spidey Senses were tingling (not to be confused with Speidi Senses, which would be an oxymoron). Down the escalator I went and found that The Divas of Daytime had made it all the way from Pine Valley (All My Children) and Llanview (One Life to Live). For real. Kassie DePaiva, Bobbie Eakes, and Kathy Brier were singing to a packed room of fans. My camera was acting all Lo Bosworth and not cooperating. Or maybe the lighting in the room SUCKED IT and my pics didn't come out too well. No worries, though. My stomach was cooperating and all was right with the world. On to the booths of Fan Fest!

There were a lot of fans wandering around. Some were in line for pics and autographs of people I didn't know. Oh, look: Dolly's booth, complete with cutout. Her waist is really tiny. I have no idea how she stands upright.

After a few minutes of wandering around, who do we see but The Divas of Daytime. They work quick! No rest for the weary. A performance and then on to a booth. I took a few pics and could see they were very sweet with the fans. They know better than anyone the power of a strong fanbase. Daytime audiences are a loyal bunch and can really keep you steadily employed for years. Decades, even. I know Kassie has been with One Life to Live for a very long time. Nice work if you can get it, I'm sure.

Next stop was The Wildhorse Saloon. An annoying sound check was taking place as we found seats. Oy. Work those kinks out early. *Smack* The band finally got it together and played a few songs before taking it elsewhere. Someone jumped on the loudspeaker and announced that dance lessons would start soon. Erin was thrilled, as she was ready to strut her stuff and show Nashville what's what.

Now, here is where Nashville and the Northeast differ. In Nashville, "soon" can mean up to hours later. In the Northeast, "soon" can AND DOES mean "within thirty minutes, TOPS, or I will key your car, pull your weave, and shove my Louboutin up your ass." But, we were in Nashville, and the dance lessons started roughly 90 minutes after the first announcement. (Oh, before then, Erin made her way down to the dance floor and learned a new dance from one of the staffers at the saloon. It was just the two of them treating the patrons to a sassy dance that featured stomping, turns, and knee lifts. Do I see a new workout video in the making?).

Let's call the dance instructor "Sparkles" because her cowboy boots did just that. After teaching Erin a dance, it was time for Sparkles to bring in the rest of the crowd. Erin was joined by my Aunt while The Diva and I watched from above. Kudos to all that got out there and took a turn on the floor. With the exception of the dude wearing flip flops, everyone tried their best to look like a human being with rhythm and common sense (DUDE, seriously, having a few beers in your system is no excuse to hold one of your flops in your hand while trying to dance. And STOP with the flip flops. Men should not expose their feet in public. EVER. Not even if you are at the beach. Wear water shoes. No one wants to see what lurks underneath your socks).

You can look for my thesis, "Keep Them Covered: the psychological ramifications of exposed male feet to the public" this Fall in Barnes & Noble stores worldwide and at Amazon.com.

After a rousing time at The Wildhorse, it was time to move on. Erin went to visit a friend and my Aunt, The Diva, and I went looking for food. We found a Panera and OMG....I could go for a toasted bagel right now. That was good! Love Panera.

Oh, how's this for wacky? On the way back to the car, we saw a line outside the Convention Center. Wanting to know what the deal was, my Aunt enquired and we found out that people were waiting in line for Taylor Swift. Not for concert tickets, but for the opportunity to meet her at her booth at Fan Fest. Tomorrow. Like, not Saturday, but Sunday. Seriously. People were sleeping outside over night (EWWWW, where's the bathroom???) in order to get wristbands (I think) at 8:30 Sunday morning that allowed them to be in line to meet Taylor. That is some dedication. I don't think I would even do that for U2. Well....hmmmm....no, I can't see myself sleeping outside. I don't like camping, and at least then you have a tent. This is a line that formed on concrete and didn't get more comfortable as the night wore on. Plus, you'd have to deal with other people and their conversations and sleeping habits and ugh. Stop. No way. Did I mention that it was a little after 7pm when we walked by this line? Craziness.

From there it was a hop, skip, and a car ride away to the field for the concert. And just who did we see? Well, check out this lineup: Josh Turner, Jamey Johnson, Jason Michael Carroll, Lee Ann Womack aka Stephanie Pratt (HA!), Wynonna Judd, Naomi Judd (Wynonna performed solo and was then joined by Naomi), Trace Adkins, and Martina McBride.

A few observations: Wynonna looks tranny. I'M SORRY! She needs to tone down the makeup. Her features are too severe. Oh, Wynnie. Less is more. Really.

Trace Adkins could easily become the next WWE champion. Good gracious, dude is scary. He could play the long lost cousin of The Undertaker and Kane. What? I know these things.

Martina McBride is a slight little thing with a huge voice. She was the perfect person to end the evening.

And with that, Day 3 came to a close. Complete with fireworks!

As I said earlier, Sunday was the last day of the Festival and it was travel day for myself, The Diva, and Erin. Little did I know that my plane ride would allow me two more star sightings. Well, it did! Jimmy Fallon and Kassie DePaiva were in First Class (ELITISTS!) on my flight home. Jimmy performed at Bonnaroo aka Stoner Fest and looked adorable in his polo and khakis. Love ya, James!

My sincere thanks to my Aunt, her dog, Ginger, The Diva, Erin, Pepto, rice, the nice people of Nashville, Darius Rucker, and all that participated in the Festival. Kudos to all. Lemon, out!