What is more disturbing?
Nicholas Cage's hairpiece in National Treasure, or the trailer for PS I Love You?
Discuss.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I don't want to toot my own horn....BUT
Yesterday I questioned whether or not Jamie Lynn's boyfriend would stick around until the birth of their child. Well, Life & Style is reporting that they are no longer together. I'm taking that as fact.
Folks, it's a gift. I predict celebrity break ups and they happen. I think I'll set up a booth like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip and start charging for my wisdom. I could use the extra cash. Christmas is expensive!
Next big split: Britney and Reality. I predict a final parting of the ways (they've been on again/off again for months) early in 2008.
Folks, it's a gift. I predict celebrity break ups and they happen. I think I'll set up a booth like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip and start charging for my wisdom. I could use the extra cash. Christmas is expensive!
Next big split: Britney and Reality. I predict a final parting of the ways (they've been on again/off again for months) early in 2008.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Hey, y'all! I'm pregnant!
My name is Jamie Lynn Spears. My older sister is a dumbass, and so am I! I got pregnant because a stork landed on my trailer in Louisiana and told me I was going to have a baby in a few months. Nine, I think. Well, I didn't know what to do. My mom was locked in her room writing a book on parenting and my dad was somewhere getting drunk. I wanted to call my sister, but she lives in another time zone and likes to freebase and go wig shopping. I can never reach her. So, I did what any smart young girl would do: I picked up my magic 8-ball and shook it really hard. It said, "Yes, you are an idiot." Isn't that funny?
Alright, let me stop. Teen pregnancy is no laughing matter. What is funny is that Jamie Lynn is well on her way to being a has been at the ripe ole' age of 18. Idiot.
Reports claim that Brit did not know until reporters asked her for her reaction last night. Oh, snap! You know she will not be happy having to share the headlines with her sister. I mean, it's fine when she's on some Nickelodeon show that tweens watch, but no one is going to take my nightly spot on E! News or TMZ. It's on, bitch!
Also interesting is a report that Jamie Lynn is further along than the 3 months she told OK! Magazine. Maybe that story in the National Enquirer back in July was correct....we'll just have to see when she pops out that kid.
Wonder if her beloved boyfriend, Casey, will still be around. Hmmm.....
Alright, let me stop. Teen pregnancy is no laughing matter. What is funny is that Jamie Lynn is well on her way to being a has been at the ripe ole' age of 18. Idiot.
Reports claim that Brit did not know until reporters asked her for her reaction last night. Oh, snap! You know she will not be happy having to share the headlines with her sister. I mean, it's fine when she's on some Nickelodeon show that tweens watch, but no one is going to take my nightly spot on E! News or TMZ. It's on, bitch!
Also interesting is a report that Jamie Lynn is further along than the 3 months she told OK! Magazine. Maybe that story in the National Enquirer back in July was correct....we'll just have to see when she pops out that kid.
Wonder if her beloved boyfriend, Casey, will still be around. Hmmm.....
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Hills Finale - or is it?
Sadly, I wasn't kidnapped by one of my tv or movie boyfriends before the airing of the finale last night. Thanks for nothing, guys! So I had to watch this crapfest and hate myself enough that I actually watched the live after party show. OH MY GOSH I hate those two hosts and all the bad banter and hoochies that must idolize Heidi enough that they went out and got fake breasts.
Oh, and Lauren, your "big" announcement was beyond lame. More episodes next month is not exciting, especially since Perez Hilton leaked that they were casting for a guy to show you the sights. Shouldn't you be working? Oh, and nice bitch face when you found out Whitney was going to Paris. Classic!
Thank you trusty recapper Jessica! You are back to work next month. Rest up.
And here we go:
It's finale time. I know MTV is having a live pre-show/viewing/aftershow at Area nightclub. I think I'll just stick to the 30 minutes of regulation though. I don't like all the fuss. Okay, Lauren's awkward last words with the weird hosts of the night (the guy and girl who host the usual aftershow) are over, and not a minute too soon.
10:00 -- Good news (for Whitney, not for Lauren): Whitney gets to go to Paris again. Bad news: She has to go with that weirdo in the glasses and grandpa sweater.
10:02 -- How annoyed must all of Heidi's co-workers be after hearing about her and Spencer all the time? Well, maybe not as annoyed as they would be if they didn't know that listening to incessant whining would land them on an MTV camera.
10:04 -- Oh snap, Lauren is not a happy camper about not being asked to Paris. That face was priceless. She didn't even try to hide her anger.
10:06 -- Spencer's sis is a bad actress. I know she's not supposed to be acting, but that's the way any scene with her plays out. Maybe that's just how she is naturally. What a gem that one is!
10:07 -- I nearly had a heart attack because my cable froze for a couple seconds. Don't crap out on me now Comcast.
10:08 -- The two aftershow doofs ask the live crowd at Area if they think Lauren's boss was too hard on her. As if Lisa Love gives a crap what these drunks think.
10:14 -- Spencer goes to Heidi's office to talk, but he's denied because Heidi's assistant tells him that Heidi left early. I would've believed it except for the fact that the assistant is an awful liar.
10:15 -- I love how Whitney isn't downplaying her excitement over going to Paris in front of Lauren. Good for her.
10:16 -- Oh goodie, Lauren DOES get to go to Paris. So now of course she's all smiles.
10:18 -- This scene seems familiar. When Lauren and Brody make plans are they like "let's get together for dinner and hint at a relationship, play with our straws in our drinks, and have numerous silent moments"?
10:25 -- Heidi's looking gaunt. And that's bad since she's already so thin. Maybe the relationship stress is taking its toll. Well, now that she decided to go back to Colorado to have some space, hopefully she'll eat.
10:27 -- I like how I know more French than Lauren does, and I'm not the one going to France.
10:29 -- Okay, that was cute of Brody to wait for Lauren outside her apartment as she was leaving for the airport. And that smooch? What does it all mean?
10:30 -- The show ends with Whitney and Lauren's plane taking off, Heidi driving back to Colorado, and Audrina sitting around in her apartment. Ho hum.
If anyone watches the aftershow and makes it out alive, let me know what goes down. Until next season, au revoir!
Oh, and Lauren, your "big" announcement was beyond lame. More episodes next month is not exciting, especially since Perez Hilton leaked that they were casting for a guy to show you the sights. Shouldn't you be working? Oh, and nice bitch face when you found out Whitney was going to Paris. Classic!
Thank you trusty recapper Jessica! You are back to work next month. Rest up.
And here we go:
It's finale time. I know MTV is having a live pre-show/viewing/aftershow at Area nightclub. I think I'll just stick to the 30 minutes of regulation though. I don't like all the fuss. Okay, Lauren's awkward last words with the weird hosts of the night (the guy and girl who host the usual aftershow) are over, and not a minute too soon.
10:00 -- Good news (for Whitney, not for Lauren): Whitney gets to go to Paris again. Bad news: She has to go with that weirdo in the glasses and grandpa sweater.
10:02 -- How annoyed must all of Heidi's co-workers be after hearing about her and Spencer all the time? Well, maybe not as annoyed as they would be if they didn't know that listening to incessant whining would land them on an MTV camera.
10:04 -- Oh snap, Lauren is not a happy camper about not being asked to Paris. That face was priceless. She didn't even try to hide her anger.
10:06 -- Spencer's sis is a bad actress. I know she's not supposed to be acting, but that's the way any scene with her plays out. Maybe that's just how she is naturally. What a gem that one is!
10:07 -- I nearly had a heart attack because my cable froze for a couple seconds. Don't crap out on me now Comcast.
10:08 -- The two aftershow doofs ask the live crowd at Area if they think Lauren's boss was too hard on her. As if Lisa Love gives a crap what these drunks think.
10:14 -- Spencer goes to Heidi's office to talk, but he's denied because Heidi's assistant tells him that Heidi left early. I would've believed it except for the fact that the assistant is an awful liar.
10:15 -- I love how Whitney isn't downplaying her excitement over going to Paris in front of Lauren. Good for her.
10:16 -- Oh goodie, Lauren DOES get to go to Paris. So now of course she's all smiles.
10:18 -- This scene seems familiar. When Lauren and Brody make plans are they like "let's get together for dinner and hint at a relationship, play with our straws in our drinks, and have numerous silent moments"?
10:25 -- Heidi's looking gaunt. And that's bad since she's already so thin. Maybe the relationship stress is taking its toll. Well, now that she decided to go back to Colorado to have some space, hopefully she'll eat.
10:27 -- I like how I know more French than Lauren does, and I'm not the one going to France.
10:29 -- Okay, that was cute of Brody to wait for Lauren outside her apartment as she was leaving for the airport. And that smooch? What does it all mean?
10:30 -- The show ends with Whitney and Lauren's plane taking off, Heidi driving back to Colorado, and Audrina sitting around in her apartment. Ho hum.
If anyone watches the aftershow and makes it out alive, let me know what goes down. Until next season, au revoir!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
This show will be the death of me
WTH? I don't like the idea of young girls/women/any sex, really, watching this show. Why is everyone so dumb and picking horrible mates?
Audrina, that hat was atrocious. Never wear it again.
Lauren, enough with the bitch face. Everyone on this show is fake. I miss Justin Bobby.
Now, on with the recap:
Here we are tonight, only two new episodes separating us from the drama-free abyss known as The Hills hiatus. That's right kiddies, we have a limited time left with our favorite gang of reality starlets so I hope MTV will reward its Hills faithful as season 3 winds down. I, for one, would enjoy some more Lo. She's been MIA for a few ep's and her words of wisdom have been missed. She didn't even get to say goodbye to Justin Bobby!
Now I know I missed talking about last week's episode, which was without question one of the highlights of this season thus far, and for this I apologize. How much of a psycho is Spencer's sister? How many nights do you think she's spent face down in the gutter outside an LA nightclub? The questions could go on and on, but it's time for the show to start.
10:01--Lauren admits to having blue eyes with "yellow in the middle." Is she a monster? I'm scared.
10:03--There's gonna be a Halloween party at Lauren's and Audrina's. Whitney's gonna be the first doing a kegstand. I'm calling it.
10:04--I'm frightened all over again by Spencer's sister. She just seems like she could go into a crazy rage at any moment.
10:05--Jen Bunney got an invite. And she's still making dumb comments. Some things never change.
10:07--Lauren looks extra b*tchy as a brunette, right?
10:13--The Pratt sibs have a heart to heart about the impending nuptials at the store where Spencer's picking up his and Heidi's save-the-date cards. I'm sure the kind shop owner enjoys being dragged in the middle of this mess.
10:15--Is Audrina's Aussie date serious about 1. his lip ring and 2. that smarmy pick-up line?
10:15--Yesss, LO IS BACK. Missing the party to study for a midtem doesn't stop her from dishing out some sound advice to Lauren about her and Brody's relationship. Lo, so wise!
10:21--Audrina likes the Aussie. Good for her. Maybe he'll like her bright blue hat, because I sure don't.
10:23--Another Spencer/Heidi showdown. They actually already sound like an old married couple fighting.
10:25--Brody is channeling the Seattle grunge look of 1995 with his plaid flannel shirt. Bold choice.
10:27--The will they/won't they controversy continues on with Lauren and Brody. It's pretty much 2007's version of David and Maddie. Without the private detective agency, obviously.
Count it down. One week to go til the finale. It won't be the Lauren-Jason-summer in Paris triangle of finales past, but I'm sure it won't disappoint.
Audrina, that hat was atrocious. Never wear it again.
Lauren, enough with the bitch face. Everyone on this show is fake. I miss Justin Bobby.
Now, on with the recap:
Here we are tonight, only two new episodes separating us from the drama-free abyss known as The Hills hiatus. That's right kiddies, we have a limited time left with our favorite gang of reality starlets so I hope MTV will reward its Hills faithful as season 3 winds down. I, for one, would enjoy some more Lo. She's been MIA for a few ep's and her words of wisdom have been missed. She didn't even get to say goodbye to Justin Bobby!
Now I know I missed talking about last week's episode, which was without question one of the highlights of this season thus far, and for this I apologize. How much of a psycho is Spencer's sister? How many nights do you think she's spent face down in the gutter outside an LA nightclub? The questions could go on and on, but it's time for the show to start.
10:01--Lauren admits to having blue eyes with "yellow in the middle." Is she a monster? I'm scared.
10:03--There's gonna be a Halloween party at Lauren's and Audrina's. Whitney's gonna be the first doing a kegstand. I'm calling it.
10:04--I'm frightened all over again by Spencer's sister. She just seems like she could go into a crazy rage at any moment.
10:05--Jen Bunney got an invite. And she's still making dumb comments. Some things never change.
10:07--Lauren looks extra b*tchy as a brunette, right?
10:13--The Pratt sibs have a heart to heart about the impending nuptials at the store where Spencer's picking up his and Heidi's save-the-date cards. I'm sure the kind shop owner enjoys being dragged in the middle of this mess.
10:15--Is Audrina's Aussie date serious about 1. his lip ring and 2. that smarmy pick-up line?
10:15--Yesss, LO IS BACK. Missing the party to study for a midtem doesn't stop her from dishing out some sound advice to Lauren about her and Brody's relationship. Lo, so wise!
10:21--Audrina likes the Aussie. Good for her. Maybe he'll like her bright blue hat, because I sure don't.
10:23--Another Spencer/Heidi showdown. They actually already sound like an old married couple fighting.
10:25--Brody is channeling the Seattle grunge look of 1995 with his plaid flannel shirt. Bold choice.
10:27--The will they/won't they controversy continues on with Lauren and Brody. It's pretty much 2007's version of David and Maddie. Without the private detective agency, obviously.
Count it down. One week to go til the finale. It won't be the Lauren-Jason-summer in Paris triangle of finales past, but I'm sure it won't disappoint.
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