The recap you've all been waiting for

Even though it's a day late. The Diva apparently does not believe in deadlines.

*smack*

If, like me, you took a look at this mess of a finale, you are still recovering and reading encyclopedias in an attempt to grow back some brain cells.

So long, Lauren! Tonight is the night we say goodbye to Lauren, hello (again) to Kristin, and WTF to the official union of Speidi. Can you even handle it all?

Forget about Lauren's next steps, Lo. What are you gonna do with yourself now that your bestie is saying adios to this cash cow?

Do not subject swans to this wedding. Let them roam free.

Did crackhead Stephanie really expect to be Heidi's maid of honor (MOH in wedding jive)?

Who are these background no-names at Heidi's bridal shower? They reek of paid extras.

While out to dinner with Brody, Lauren didn't understand what anyone with two brothers already knows: boys never outgrow the pure comedy that anything fart related delivers.

I couldn't tell if Spencer and Brody were going to tearfully embrace or erupt into a fist fight during their meet and greet. Weird vibes all around those two.

Stephanie gives one toast and all of a sudden she thinks she's a philosopher or something.

Heidi's family is totally losing their collective mind on the eve of this wedding. Dys-functional.

Spencer's groomsmen (friends or paid extras again...you decide) have real jobs? Shocking.

Maybe Lauren will decide to break into acting next. She knows that she is gonna fold and go to the wedding but she does a good job of making us believe otherwise.

Brent Bolthouse, it's been way too long since we've seen you in a stupid looking hat.

Stacie the Bartender has certainly gotten more miles than I thought she would. Showing up to the wedding is crazy bold. But mostly just crazy.

I see Kristin didn't think a bra should be a part of her wedding ensemble. Besides that, doesn't she look a little bit like she has "crazy eyes" now? I'm calling an overall downgrade from her Laguna days.

Why in the non-MTV produced world would Justin Bobby get an invite to the wedding? He's not friends with the bride or groom and he has an inappropriate wedding fashion sense.

Does Lauren have Secret Service to go along with her chauffeured car? I guess she just wanted to go out in style.