Did you see anyone famous?

That is what someone at work asked me. How do people like that live?

I actually went to the Amateur Emmy's. I think everyone there has a lot of potential. Especially the newbies just starting out on The Office.

Yes, The Office. It won Best Comedy. So suck it. You know who I'm talking to.

Anyway, being in the bleachers was like the Mother Ship calling me home. I was in my glory.

Ah! It's Buster from Arrested Development! I love you, Tony Hale! Sadly, he wasn't wearing Buster's hook. He was, however, forced to stand on the E! platform with Seacrest and the woman that won the Red Carpet Challenge. Gag. Fine, I'm bitter.

After seeing Tony Hale, it was like the flood gates opened. Hey, it's Will Arnett and Amy Poehler! They are so cute! Amy is so tiny. And her hair is really blonde. I love you, Gob Bluth! Bring back Arrested Development! Will and Amy waved to us and were all smiles. I love them. I want to hang out with them. I want to know if Will got to keep the Franklin puppet from the show.

Ah, TV boyfriend #1! John Krasinski from The Office is chatting up Will and Amy! They are all friends! I want to join in the party! John, as long as you aren't needy and never ask to meet my parents, we'd be perfect together. I'm loving your suit!

More people from The Office show up. Jenna Fischer and her husband, James. James is the brother of the guy that plays Kirk on Gilmore Girls. I really hate that show now. Jenna, you married the better brother.

Every few minutes it dawns on me that I'm going to see Patrick Dempsey in a tux. Some of my brain cells explode.

Good grief. Jennifer Love-Hewitt is here. Who did she screw to get an invite? Yes, I know she's on Ghost Whisperer, but still. Her boyfriend is goofy-looking and his name is Ross. As I still have many issues with how bad the last two seasons of Friends were, I decide to hate him.

My brother is in his full-on heterosexual male glory, and proceeds to take roughly 250 pictures of "Love." I try not to vomit.

Hey, it's Dennis Haysbert! I love him. He has such a great voice. I actually sit through Allstate commercials just to listen to it. I really do.

Holy dye job, it's Victor Garber! Vic, although my issues with Alias warrant years of therapy, I hold no grudge against you. Sure, you were the only witness for Jen and Ben's wedding, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you crazy. Of course, because of that, I can't support your new show. Well, there's my grudge afterall.

Speaking of Alias, the Devil himself, J.J. Abrams, is here. WHAT?!? I wasn't expecting this. I always said that if I ever saw J.J., there would be a lot of swearing and yelling on my part. I don't have time for either, so I quietly call him a prick and turn my attention to Jon Stewart.

Neither one walked the press line. They opted for the line that was closer to the bleachers.

I love you, Jon! Please beat up J.J. for me. Some woman yelled out "Jon Stewart for President!" The crowd went wild. Jon was embarrassed.

Good Lord, Katharine Heigel is huge. She looks gorgeous. My brother met her at a bar in Stamford a few years ago. Hi, Katie! Where the hell is Dempsey? And who taught you to cry on camera? Have them shot. Your crying scene in the 3rd to last Grey's episode of the season was horrible. Trust me, Denny was not worth crying over. He was creepy. Love your dress, though.

Wow. What's wrong with Ellen Pompeo's hair? It looks horrible. I call extensions. I hope they aren't the ones that Jessica Simpson is selling.

OH MY GOSH! Sadly, I noticed Jill Dempsey first. I saw this thin blonde woman with bad hair, and it took me a few minutes to place her. It was like having one of those nightmares when you want to scream but you can't. I wanted to yell at my brother to start snapping pictures, but I couldn't get the words out. Finally, I just screamed "Dempsey!" The snapping began.

Now, I'll be honest. Patrick's hair was too straight for my taste. Yes, that was a nitpick. Whatever. The man is gorgeous. And he waved. Right at me. And only me. In my dreams, of course. In reality, he waved to the asses in the first section that screamed "McDreamy!" It was very nice of him, but I feel it's time to step away from that name. He hasn't been McDreamy since Addison showed up in Seattle. Thanks for screwing with my ideal TV boyfriend, Shonda! I hate you!

Anyway, he really did look gorgeous. And during the E! interview with Seacrest, you could see me over Patrick's shoulder(or on top of his head, depending on the angle). Finally, I touched Patrick Dempsey! I hope it was as good for him. Sigh.

There is actually more to talk about, so the Emmy's madness will continue. I'm milking this for all its worth.

Diary of a pale girl at the Emmy's: Day 2

Who can sleep when there is Emmy's anticipation in the air? Or, when tractors are putting up street barriers at 5 in the morning? Not me!

So, after an early breakfast, we headed to the Shrine to see how close it was to our hotel. Roughly 5 minutes away. CLOSE! Set up was in full swing. Some poor bastards were already in tuxes. It wasn't even that hot and I could feel my skin screaming for shade. Luckily, I found suntan lotion before breakfast.

Then it was time to find our check-in spot at USC. There were probably 30 people in line when we got there. My elbows were going to get a workout.

Oh, f***! Those first 30 people were the first group. Whatever. I already hate the Emmy's and feel that the only way for me to not kill the annoying USC volunteers is if Patrick Dempsey invites me to the Governor's Ball.

Before walking over to the Shrine, we had to have our bags checked and a police officer had to check us for weapons with a wand. Strangely, my left hip beeped. After showing him that I didn't have pockets on my pants, he let me go. I convinced myself that I was a robot and my parents never got around to telling me. Further thought on the subject would have to wait, though, as the bleachers were now in view.

Rob and I got a top seat in the 2nd section. This would prove to be a great "on camera" spot, as well as high enough for us to clearly view all the action. The main E! booth was directly in front of us, so, unfortunately, Seacrest was going to be in our line of sight for most of our time there. He is one of the few people as annoying when he says nothing as when he has a mic in front of him.

Oh, look! It's CoJo from Entertainment Tonight in a summer white suit. Lovely. He was a big hit with the crowd.

You know who else was a big hit? Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin. Who would have thought it? Not me. They posed for pictures and talked to the crowd a lot. Way to work that upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars, Hamlin! I'll root for you.

Lisa has an amazing body. If I cared enough about my health or how I am perceived in society, I would definitely want to take dance lessons to get in shape. The thought exhausts me, though, so I'll just leave it to Lisa and eat some chips while I type.

Holy crap! Stacy London is here! I completely forgot that she works award shows for Today. She was also a big crowd pleaser. Rob could not be bothered, but I was very excited. She had the gray streak going. Love you, Stacy! No Clinton in sight. Sad.

I would later learn that Tim Gunn was a fashion correspondent for NBC's preshow. You don't know how unhappy I am that I missed him. Tim is a favorite of my sister and I. We would like to have lunch with him someday and talk trash about Nina Garcia and Michael Kors. Maybe he has some good dirt on Heidi, too. If you don't watch Project Runway this is meaningless to you, so I'll just "carry on!"

Good gracious. Billy Bush is here and he's wearing flip flops. Am I surprised? No. Billy is one of the most annoying people in entertainment news and, not surprisingly, would have no problem exposing his feet in public. He's just that annoying. Regardless of weather, men should never expose their feet(And, yes, I know Bono wore man sandals in his piece on 60 Minutes. Believe me, although he's Bono, I didn't condone it).

Oh, Lord. Kristin Veitch is here for the E! network. Now, for those of you that don't know her, she is the woman with the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD(Well, next to anyone who gets to touch Patrick Dempsey as part of their job). She holds a weekly online chat where she shares "scoop" she has about television shows from her onset moles. For the most part, she is lame and completely unprofessional. Sometimes, however, she does find actual spoilers and keeps me in the know about what is going to happen on my favorite shows. She also gets to visit the sets of a lot of my favorite shows and attends all of the network Upfronts.

I have a very love/hate relationship with Kristin. Well, mostly hate. Fine, I'm jealous. Shut up.

Hey, it's Nancy O'Dell. Oh, look over there.....Mary Hart! Don't give me a seizure, Mary. Hi, Tony Potts! I spend A LOT of time watching entertainment shows. Hey, Giuliana DiPandi. Oh, it's crazy Pat O'Brien. I wonder if he's on coke. He looks wacky from where I'm sitting.

Hmmmm......I just talked a lot about the correspondents. And I have to go pick up my pictures. I guess all the A-list sightings will have to wait until tomorrow.

Put those valiums down!

Diary of a pale girl at The Emmy's: Day 1

After a hellish week of work, it was finally time to hop on a plane and head to Cali. My brother and I flew out from JFK on Saturday afternoon. As I was getting ready to hand over my boarding pass, I noticed someone from The Sopranos. Star Sighting!

It was Joseph Gannascoli, who played Vito. Or, still plays Vito. I don't know. I've never watched The Sopranos, and actually only knew him as "the guy from The Sopranos who was on Celebrity Fit Club."

I know some people take comfort in having a baby on board a plane. I take comfort if there is a celebrity on board. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it's such a relief.

Unless, of course, someone sneaks a liquid past the "tight security" at the airport. Thanks for nothing, JFK and Delta!

My brother had a woman sitting next to him who just whipped out her liter bottle of Dasani water twenty minutes into the flight. The flight attendants didn't care. So what if we were all going down in flames because of Dasani? I guess they were just happy about The Sopranos guy, too.

I had a freak sitting next to me. Perfect time to forget my headphones. Luckily, he only tried to make conversation once. I practically plastered my US Weekly to my face in an attempt to not have to look at him. Finally, after we were actually IN THE AIR, he moved to the window seat. All of my internal cursing for him to "move the f*** over" worked!

The flight wasn't too bad. I read my magazine. The freak slept on his tray table. After a half hour of turbulence, I was able to buy a pair of headphones. As luck would have it, an episode of TLC's What Not to Wear was just starting. Perfect! Love my Stacy and Clinton. Who knew that in 24 hours I would see Stacy London on the Red Carpet? NOT ME!

Once we landed, we headed right to the hotel. We could see the top of the Shrine Auditorium from the lobby. Nice.

After watching the Yankees lose to the Angels from the comfort of our hotel room(Ew, Yanks!), it was time to go to dinner with some friends.

Sharif picked us up and brought us to this wonderful Italian restaurant(of course I can't remember the name, but it was very good). Pregnant Mary was taking a bathroom break, so her husband, Chuck, talked my ear off while we waited for our table. My ears are still ringing!

Finally, Pregnant Mary emerged from the back of the restaurant. Did I mention that she's pregnant? She is. And please don't call her "tubby."

It was really great to catch up and have a relaxing dinner. It's always a good time with those friends.

Now, after dinner, it was time to find this white girl some suntan lotion. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't go in the sun. I'm practically an albino. Suntan lotion was a must if I was to stand in the sun for several hours on Sunday.

Did you know that they don't sell suntan lotion on Skid Row? Well, they don't. Make a mental note in case you ever find yourself there. Not the prettiest vacation spot, but it certainly isn't lacking in excitement.....especially when a homeless man walks up to your car and won't leave.

Holy shit.

But, no worries. Sharif got us out of there and found us a 7-eleven. Thankfully, they had toothpaste. I was genuinely thrilled because it was a small tube and not the family size the hotel gift shop was selling. Scam artists!

Well, after I had my Colgate safely tucked in my purse, I figured that God was trying to tell us to go back, brush our teeth, and gear up for the most exciting day of our lives.

Who am I to ignore that?

Tomorrow I will have stories so exciting that you may need a Valium after reading them. Scratch that. You WILL need a Valium. I'd start my search on Skid Row if I were you.

Put down those weights!

And pick up those cupcakes!

That is the lesson I learned from watching Sheryl Crow on Larry King Live last night. Thank you, Sheryl!

What is the point of exercise and a healthy diet if you can one day get the diagnosis your doctor was not even expecting?

Screw healthy living! Eat more ice cream!

On a more shallow note, Sheryl looked fabulous. If Lance hadn't fallen in love with Matthew McConaughey, I'm sure he would be crying in his protein drink that he let her get away.

But that was then, and this is now. And Lance loves Matthew. And Matthew loves Lance. And Jake loves them both. Awww.

And I love sleep and desperately need some. The Emmy's are only a few short days away.

That's the sound of Ben Affleck crying

And it's not because of all the hairplug jokes, or because his wife thinks he's too stupid to mix canned baby food and oatmeal together for their daughter.

It's because his beloved Sox had a meltdown over the past four days and were swept by my beloved Yankees.

It was a thing of beauty.

Better luck with the mixing, Ben.

And feel free to spend October editing Gone, Baby, Gone. Or take Jennifer and Violet on a trip out of the country.

Your Sox are DONE. The Babe said so.

Ahem.

You know when you are looking forward to something, but you have to get through a few shitty days before you get to the fun stuff? Well, that is this week. I really hope the next four days at work don't send me the few inches I need to fall completely over the edge.

I have an Emmy bleacher seat outfit to plan! Don't bother me with a client market analysis, or reports that need a Fed Ex label, when I have yet to figure out how best to get Jason Bateman's attention!

Sure, I could just yell, "I've loved you since Silver Spoons!" The Bateman deserves more, though.

Hey, if anyone is watching the show Saved on TBS, please tell me why you are. MY only reason is Tom Everett Scott. I'm trying to find out if there are more. It's really not a good show, and his ex-girlfriend is horribly miscast. But, it's the summer, and since How To Get the Guy was unceremoniously taken off the air, my Monday nights are free.

I guess I could always write Affleck a condolence card.

Motherf***ing snakes

Yes, I'm 12 and can't spell out a curse word.

Saw Snakes on a Plane today. Very entertaining. Perfect summer movie....action, comedy, craptastic acting, and snakes.

Sam Jackson really is The Man. How he kept a straight face through some of his dialogue is beyond me. Kudos, Sam!

Julianna Margulies bugged. I loved her on ER and I'm starting to think it's only because I loved her with George Clooney. Her voice grated today. A LOT. I think George should give her a role in Ocean's 13 so I can test my new theory.

There is a really funny music video at the end of the film. Don't know the name of the band, but the song was really dumb(and, therefore, hilarious). Sam makes an appearance wearing one of his signature hats(which I've been over for years, but, he's The Man, so whatever).

Early estimates are that the film is a dud. Friday morning, some movie reviewer for a local radio station thought it could pull in 70 million. He was only 55 million off. With the buzz surrounding the film for the last several months, I was sure it would do at least 30 million. More proof that I know nothing.

The Red Sox are beating the Yankees and I feel blind rage coming on. If only I could unleash some snakes into their dugout.

Ooh! I smell sequel if any studio would like to take a chance.

Seeing red

Next weekend, my brother, Rob, and I will be flying to California and sitting in the bleachers at the Emmy's.

Yes, I am excited. Yes, I will elbow other ticket holders out of the way for a front row bleacher seat. It might get ugly.

Speaking of ugly, thanks for nothing "discount" travel sites. I'm paying out the ass in order to see Patrick Dempsey in a tux. Yes, I know. It IS worth it. I just hope I'm still on that high when my Visa bill arrives next month.

Some of my favorite television stars will be on the red carpet, and I really want them to acknowledge me. It's sick, I know. Deep down, though, I feel I deserve a wave, photo op, and an invite to an afterparty. Or two.

Cast of Scrubs, your show is on my TiVo Season Pass, afterall! Cast of The Office(also a Season Pass), I watched your first season when very few people did! Grey's Anatomy(yes, Season Pass), I stayed up until 11:00 on Sunday nights to watch you!

At the very least, an informal Meet-n-Greet is in order.

And before the real stars arrive, I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for Melissa Rivers. Seacrest is bad enough, but this freakshow is a mess. She, like her mother, doesn't know half the people she's talking to. And, no, Missy, not everyone looks "AMAZING!" Please.

I wonder if heckling is allowed.

Welcome!

Life is weird.

One day you are the last person on the planet to have an internet connection, and the next you are starting your own blog.

So, here it is. I figure if Paris Hilton can consider herself the hardest working person she knows, and Joey Potter can have Tom Cruise's(or L. Ron Hubbard's)baby, than I can start a blog.

I'd like to start off by bowing down to the WE network for bringing back Felicity. Although I have all four seasons on dvd, I love watching episodes as if its a current series.

Today is "My Best Friend's Wedding." Did I love the storyline of Felicity sleeping with Noel? No. Did I love how cute Scott Speedman looked with a shaved head and scruff? Yes. Poor writing is (almost) completely forgiven when Ben looks this good. And Amy Aquino is in this episode, and she is amazing as Dr. Toni Pavone.

Elena is about to not marry Tracy(played by Donald Faison). Oh, and Donald is supposedly dating Cacee Cobb(Jessica Simpson's friend/assistant/fellow ass). So, he is going to have to do some serious dancing on Scrubs this season to get back in my good graces. I think Zach Braff needs to organize an intervention, pronto.

Call me for an invite, Zach! I'd love to be there.

I'll make my play when I see them on the red carpet for the Emmy's. More to come on that.

Awww. Sean and Meghan got married. What a cool couple. And, I believe, the first to combine their first names.....Smeghan. Love them! Suck it, Bennifer(1 and 2).

Well, have a great night. Try to catch the season finale of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's a really hilarious show that F/X better have the good sense to bring back.

Trust me, F/X, you don't want my wrath. See: J.J. Abrams.

Definitely more to come on that.