Why is Suri wearing a wig?

Is it some weird Scientology custom that all newborns must wear a hairpiece until their first birthday?

Does it just apply to girls? Firstborns?

Are the wigs made from L. Ron Hubbard's hair? Did aliens create them in the Scientology Center?

Why aren't THESE questions being asked?

And what about her eyes? Why does she look more like Chris Klein's daughter than Tom's?

These are pressing issues that need to be addressed!!!!

Where is Jules Asner to "reveal" the answers?

Oh my gosh, I've got it! Steve Kmetko needs to have the first sit down with Tom, Katie, and Suri.

Oh, Kmetko. Where the hell are you?

I miss those golden days of E! Entertainment.

Ahem.

And what about Katie? Was this photo shoot the first time she's seen Suri? What were her thoughts upon seeing the wig? Does she own the Dawson's Creek dvd collection?

So many questions that really matter. Why isn't anyone asking them?

I think its out of fear. People are afraid that Tom is going to lock them in his basement and make them watch Battleship Earth if they probe too deeply. Maybe they are right.

Wouldn't it be nice, though, to see a rogue reporter have the nerve to ask the tough questions? Perhaps plan an escape for Katie and Suri?

I hope there is someone out there who is willing to take the chance.

Or, at the very least, have the nerve to walk up to Suri and tug lightly on her hair.