Jai Rodriguez makes me laugh

But not with him. AT HIM.

Oh, Jai, you try so hard, and I think that is why you are my least favorite of the Fab Five on Queer Eye. You are no longer in Rent, and you need to get over it. Not everything is as theatrical as "Seasons of Love."

That being said, this is the final season of Queer Eye, and they kicked it off with a Mr. Straight Guy pageant hosted by Susan "How dare you make me wait so long to win an Emmy, bitches!" Lucci. To kick off the show, the five guys bounced out on stage and Jai began to sing the Queer Eye theme song. OH MY GOSH, no! It was hilarious. Also hilarious? The choreographed dance moves done by the other four. Just stop it. I was dying. My sister and I are convinced that this was Jai's doing. I could see Thom rolling his eyes and reluctantly agreeing to it. Oh, Thom.

Later in the show, Jai proved annoying once again by breaking it down with an acoustic version of the theme. Oh, and did I mention that Ted was on guitar???? STOP KILLING ME WITH THESE MOMENTS OF PURE GENIUS, QUEER EYE PRODUCERS!

The day you get Ted Allen to do choreographed dance moves and play guitar is...well, that day has passed, because he was up there with his trendy glasses and perfectly pressed suit. Ted, I love you and your snobbish culinary ways!

And can we talk about the glory of Thom Filicia? Thom and I did not start off on the right foot. I thought he was way too sassy, and you know I love sass. I was secretly hoping they would send his ass to IKEA and watch him have a meltdown next to the bed frames. BUT, Thom won me over during the next few years because he mellowed the hell out. He's now my favorite after Carson.

Oh, Kressley. I love you and your witty comebacks. Going shopping with you has always been one of my favorite parts of the show because you are truly happy shopping with the straights and educating them on why pants should fit you properly and why a t-shirt and jeans won't cut it at a rehearsal dinner. Plus, you usually make at least one inappropriate comment or just go ahead and put your hand dangerously close to the guy's crotch.

Last, but not least, we have Kyan Douglas. Kyan is so good looking that he makes me angry. That's right. ANGRY. Not only wouldn't he be into me because he's gay, but he wouldn't be into me because he's too lovely and would say mean things about my hair. Instead of hating, just point me in the direction of some defrizzing balm. I mean, really.

The final season of Queer Eye airs on Bravo Tuesday nights at 9:00.