The following is provided by guest recapper, Jessica. She will be taking you on a journey of The Hills as only she can. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect my own(she wants to be friends with some of these brats), BUT this will prove that my wit and humor has trickled down to one of my siblings. Lucky girl! Now, on with the recap......
So tonight MTV threw us one of their lame recap episodes of The Hills. Now, do I need a recap when I watch each episode on average 3 times in the same week? Absolutely not. Can I break the first part of season 3 down for you without even trying? Absolutely.
Here's what we already know:
1. Lauren and Heidi still hate each other. In fact, they hate each other so much it makes you wonder how the two ever got along in the first place. Although, back in the pre-Spencer era, Heidi was just a fun loving girl with a big nose and small boobs. Hey, I didn't say it. Heidi's article in Us Weekly did.
2. Audrina likes losers who one day wake up and decide they want to change their name. This season has brought us one of the most memorable secondary characters in this show's history, Justin Bobby. Is his name Justin? Is his name Bobby? Who knows! What we do know is that he doesn't like to shower. And he is really attached to unfashionable, seasonally inappropriate hats. An over sized knit cap in L.A. in the summer? I think not J.B.
3. Whitney is stunningly beautiful. She is always poised and well put together. She often times counteracts the craziness that the other three main girls bring to the table by offering invaluable insight into this craziness. Whit (as I would call her if I were her actual friend...sigh) may benefit from a few late night runs to In N Out Burger after that shot of her in those skinny mini jeans a few ep's back, but I won't hold that against her...for now.
4. Lo is back and better than ever! She has been one of my favorites since the first season of Laguna Beach. A world where her and "LC" weren't best buds just wasn't a world I wanted to live in.
5. Spencer's facial hair is out of control. It's oddly super light blond and it doesn't help the already (in my opinion) unattractive Mr. Pratt. I don't think 14 year old girls are tuning in and thinking this guy's hot either. As a side note, what is he doing on his laptop all day? It seems like every time they show him in his and Heidi's apartment, he is typing away on that bad boy. I'm thinking he's either cruising for porn or checking how many friends he has on MySpace. You and I both know he's not working.
6. Brody and Spencer broke up. I know, they're not gay. At least not admittedly so. But the end of their friendship played out like two ex-lovers calling it quits.
7. The infamous Jen Bunney is still not smart. Or worthy of air time. But, she does look prettier this season. Did she pull an Ashlee Simpson and get medically necessary surgery on her nose? I know, I couldn't even type that without laughing. Someone get to the bottom of this for me.
8. Jason, AKA The Wolfman, is engaged to some little blond teenybopper who looked like she could kill Lauren with her bare hands if she wanted to. Maybe it was just the too-dark eyeliner that made her seem tough. Show of hands, who thinks this relationship is going to last? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
With all that being said, I can't believe I have to wait another seven days for next week's episode. I mean, I need something new to discuss, analyze, and re-watch over and over again during a weekend MTV mini-marathon. See ya next week!
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