I haven't updated in days and I know I have let you down. I am so sorry.
HA! No I'm not. Get your own news, bitches!
Seriously, my lack of updates is not a direct result of Jamie Lynn giving birth. Zoey 101 is a mom now and I have come to terms with that. The real reason I haven't updated lately is because I am getting ready for my trip to Cali on Saturday, and I am gearing up for the live blogging I will be doing from the Hancock premiere.
If that were true, I'm sure there would be a lot of posts complaining about how I can't see because I'm short and how annoying Will Smith is in front of a crowd. I would also be wondering aloud if DJ Jazzy Jeff was invited, and if not, what is the story behind their feud?
I am leaving for Hollywood on Saturday, and I hope to have many celebrity sightings. The SAG strike will most likely start on Monday, and if I have to march with a picket sign in order to hold meet-n-greets with celebrities, than so be it.
Long live SAG! But if this strike prevents my favorite shows from starting on time in the Fall, than I'll have to bash a few heads. Even those of my fake tv boyfriends.
But while I have a minute, I just want to wish Heather Locklear well while she gets some help for anxiety and depression. Yes, it is Denise and Richie's fault.
I also want to remind you, my loyal reader(s), to watch My Life on the D-List Thursdays at 10:00 on Bravo. Kathy Griffin is, and always will be, the funniest woman alive. I believe this week she explores Gayhem, which is what you get when you mix Gays and Mayhem. Fabulous!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
AC Slater is not hot
You hear me, People Magazine?!?!?!?
Ewwwww.
Crackheads at the mag named Mario Lopez the Hottest Bachelor of 2008. I bet Karina Smirnoff begs to differ!
I'm sorry, but Mario is nasty. Not physically (I guess) but HE CHEATS ON EVERY WOMEN HE DATES. Oh, and marries. Remember Ali Landry of Dorito commercial and Felicity fame? She played Noel's wife when he went through his Leon phase. Well, he cheated on her at his bachelor party and the poor thing didn't find out until after they were married. Annulment, thy name is Landry.
He's gross.
Fast forward to Season 3 of Dancing with the Stars, when he was paired with Karina Smirnoff (she of the perpetual bitch face). They cha cha'd their way to love and moved in together. Then, turns out, he was cheating on her with a waitress from Hooter's for almost a year. Classy!
I hope some rabid dog bites his dimples off.
Too harsh?
Besides, we all know that my secret boyfriend, John Krasinski, is the Hottest Bachelor of 2008. He just needs to shave that beard and drop Jonesy.
Ewwwww.
Crackheads at the mag named Mario Lopez the Hottest Bachelor of 2008. I bet Karina Smirnoff begs to differ!
I'm sorry, but Mario is nasty. Not physically (I guess) but HE CHEATS ON EVERY WOMEN HE DATES. Oh, and marries. Remember Ali Landry of Dorito commercial and Felicity fame? She played Noel's wife when he went through his Leon phase. Well, he cheated on her at his bachelor party and the poor thing didn't find out until after they were married. Annulment, thy name is Landry.
He's gross.
Fast forward to Season 3 of Dancing with the Stars, when he was paired with Karina Smirnoff (she of the perpetual bitch face). They cha cha'd their way to love and moved in together. Then, turns out, he was cheating on her with a waitress from Hooter's for almost a year. Classy!
I hope some rabid dog bites his dimples off.
Too harsh?
Besides, we all know that my secret boyfriend, John Krasinski, is the Hottest Bachelor of 2008. He just needs to shave that beard and drop Jonesy.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Amy Winehouse prediction
I'm going out on a limb (my own, which are much more sturdy than Amy's toothpick arms and legs) and saying that she will not live to see the end of the year.
She's a train wreck and refuses to get help.
She fainted on Monday and had to be taken to the hospital. Tests were performed (do you know your name? what year is this? can you stand up on your own? what is the most you have ever paid for crack? etc.) and she was seen leaving with her father, Mitch, this morning.
Amy's days are numbered. I bet Miss Cleo would back me up on this.
She's a train wreck and refuses to get help.
She fainted on Monday and had to be taken to the hospital. Tests were performed (do you know your name? what year is this? can you stand up on your own? what is the most you have ever paid for crack? etc.) and she was seen leaving with her father, Mitch, this morning.
Amy's days are numbered. I bet Miss Cleo would back me up on this.
Friday, June 13, 2008
R. Kelly proves that "celebrity" = "acquittal"
R. Kelly was found "not guilty" and acquitted of all 14 counts of child pornography stemming from his now infamous sex tape.
Hide your underage daughters, America!
Money talks and R's said "Keep me out of jail so I can continue to make horrible music and terrifying music videos."
Damn you, money!
Hide your underage daughters, America!
Money talks and R's said "Keep me out of jail so I can continue to make horrible music and terrifying music videos."
Damn you, money!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Izzy is an ingrate
Well, Ms. Katherine Heigl knows how to get attention, doesn't she? And not just for marrying a fugly singer.
The actress, who won a Best Supporting Actress Emmy last year for her role on Grey's Anatomy, is bowing out of contention for this year's award. She released a statement yesterday, saying, "I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention."
*SMACK* to Shonda Rhimes and the rest of the writing staff on the show.
I mean, there is being gracious, but there is also being a bitch. If she really thought her role was such ass, just don't submit a tape. No need for a statement as to why. Do you think people are on pins and needles waiting to see what you were going to submit? Someone needs a dose of reality, STAT.
What an idiot.
The actress, who won a Best Supporting Actress Emmy last year for her role on Grey's Anatomy, is bowing out of contention for this year's award. She released a statement yesterday, saying, "I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention."
*SMACK* to Shonda Rhimes and the rest of the writing staff on the show.
I mean, there is being gracious, but there is also being a bitch. If she really thought her role was such ass, just don't submit a tape. No need for a statement as to why. Do you think people are on pins and needles waiting to see what you were going to submit? Someone needs a dose of reality, STAT.
What an idiot.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Dr. Drew will have his hands full
Season 2 of Celebrity Rehab began filming yesterday and I cannot wait to see it.
Sadly, it will not be airing until October. Oh, the drama.
Jeff Conaway is back for another stint. Is he still with Enabler Vicki? She is as messed up as Jeff but in a lot more denial. I hope Dr. Drew can find a way to keep her ass off the show. She is ripe with stank and co-dependency issues. Kenickie can't get better with you around, Vicki! Where's Rizzo? I thought Travolta was trying to help with Scientology. Maybe even Jeff, as addicted as they come, was like, "Oh, hell no! Keep L. Ron and the aliens away from me. John, are you gay? And pass the pills!"
Other addicts on the new season include Sebastian Bach, from Skid Row. I think we can blame years on Gilmore Girls for this. Amy Sherman-Palladino almost drove me to drugs with Luke's long lost daughter and the return of Christopher. I feel your pain, Bach.
Let's see.....Heidi Fleiss reportedly dropped out. Probably realized she couldn't pimp out Tawny Kitaen and split. Remember Tawny from the Whitesnake videos? And I thought I had big hair in the 80s! In 2005, Tawny apparently gained super-strength from drugs and beat the crap out of her husband, former MLB pitcher Chuck Finley, with her shoe. Maybe she never got over David Coverdale.
Rounding out the patients will be former Guns N' Roses drummer Steven Adler, Rod Stewart's son, Sean, Amber Smith (who I had to look up because I had never heard of her....she was the Wonderbra model), Season 1 American Idol contestant Nikki McKibbin, Aaron Carter, and Rodney King. Yes, that Rodney King.
I hope Dr. Drew has gotten plenty of rest and taken his vitamins. Love you, Drew!
Sadly, it will not be airing until October. Oh, the drama.
Jeff Conaway is back for another stint. Is he still with Enabler Vicki? She is as messed up as Jeff but in a lot more denial. I hope Dr. Drew can find a way to keep her ass off the show. She is ripe with stank and co-dependency issues. Kenickie can't get better with you around, Vicki! Where's Rizzo? I thought Travolta was trying to help with Scientology. Maybe even Jeff, as addicted as they come, was like, "Oh, hell no! Keep L. Ron and the aliens away from me. John, are you gay? And pass the pills!"
Other addicts on the new season include Sebastian Bach, from Skid Row. I think we can blame years on Gilmore Girls for this. Amy Sherman-Palladino almost drove me to drugs with Luke's long lost daughter and the return of Christopher. I feel your pain, Bach.
Let's see.....Heidi Fleiss reportedly dropped out. Probably realized she couldn't pimp out Tawny Kitaen and split. Remember Tawny from the Whitesnake videos? And I thought I had big hair in the 80s! In 2005, Tawny apparently gained super-strength from drugs and beat the crap out of her husband, former MLB pitcher Chuck Finley, with her shoe. Maybe she never got over David Coverdale.
Rounding out the patients will be former Guns N' Roses drummer Steven Adler, Rod Stewart's son, Sean, Amber Smith (who I had to look up because I had never heard of her....she was the Wonderbra model), Season 1 American Idol contestant Nikki McKibbin, Aaron Carter, and Rodney King. Yes, that Rodney King.
I hope Dr. Drew has gotten plenty of rest and taken his vitamins. Love you, Drew!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
D is for Divorce
And also for the word "Do." Now, if you add the word "It" after "Do," you have my message to Madonna and Guy. Enough with the rumors and denials and awkward body language at premieres and restaurants. Just get divorced and go your separate ways.
The rumor today is that Maddie has contacted Paul McCartney's attorney and wants to kick Guy to the curb and move to New York (with her kids, I assume, but who knows?). Madge's publicist denied this rumor, insisting they are as happy as Madonna was with Sean...or Warren Beatty...or Carlos Leon...or Dennis Rodman. My goodness, she has strange taste in men. And is the verdict still out on Carlos? Wasn't he really just a sperm donor? I pick up a vibe from him more in line with Seacrest.
What does Lourdes have to say about this? Does she side with the nanny who has really been raising her all this time? Or was it a drag queen that used to be one of mommy's tour dancers? That would probably be fun. I bet Lourdes has a drag name. What are her feelings on Rocco and David? I wonder if she heard about Maddie wanting to adopt little David and rolled her eyes? I could see it. Maybe spit out "Angelina wannabe" under her breath. Mmmm hmmm. I can tell by looking at her that she has sass for days.
Let's hope there wasn't a prenup for Guy's sake. You know he blew through that Swept Away money. Oh, wait. Did that make any money? AT ALL?
The rumor today is that Maddie has contacted Paul McCartney's attorney and wants to kick Guy to the curb and move to New York (with her kids, I assume, but who knows?). Madge's publicist denied this rumor, insisting they are as happy as Madonna was with Sean...or Warren Beatty...or Carlos Leon...or Dennis Rodman. My goodness, she has strange taste in men. And is the verdict still out on Carlos? Wasn't he really just a sperm donor? I pick up a vibe from him more in line with Seacrest.
What does Lourdes have to say about this? Does she side with the nanny who has really been raising her all this time? Or was it a drag queen that used to be one of mommy's tour dancers? That would probably be fun. I bet Lourdes has a drag name. What are her feelings on Rocco and David? I wonder if she heard about Maddie wanting to adopt little David and rolled her eyes? I could see it. Maybe spit out "Angelina wannabe" under her breath. Mmmm hmmm. I can tell by looking at her that she has sass for days.
Let's hope there wasn't a prenup for Guy's sake. You know he blew through that Swept Away money. Oh, wait. Did that make any money? AT ALL?
Monday, June 09, 2008
The Alba graces the world with Honor
Not feeling the name, but they didn't ask me, did they? Rude!
Jessica Alba popped out little Honor Marie Warren on Saturday in Los Angeles. It is the first child for Jessica and her husband, Cash Warren.
My sister reminded me that Honor was the name of Logan's extremely annoying sister on Gilmore Girls. UGH! How could I forget?
I hope this child is not nearly as annoying, but with those two for parents, the odds are not in her favor.
Uh....congrats to the happy family!
Jessica Alba popped out little Honor Marie Warren on Saturday in Los Angeles. It is the first child for Jessica and her husband, Cash Warren.
My sister reminded me that Honor was the name of Logan's extremely annoying sister on Gilmore Girls. UGH! How could I forget?
I hope this child is not nearly as annoying, but with those two for parents, the odds are not in her favor.
Uh....congrats to the happy family!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Johnny can recognize a mess when he sees one
So, Johnny Depp surprised the crowd at the incredibly lame MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night by showing up. At least I think people were surprised because there was a lot of hooting and hollering when he got on stage. Diablo Cody was in the audience and clutched at her heart. Honest to blog!
Remember when this show was cool? Was I in high school? Probably. I used to think perming my hair was a good idea, so what do I know?
Anyway, Johnny won two awards....uh....oh, Best Comedic Performance for one of the Pirate movies...and one for....hmmmm....oh, okay, Best Villian for Sweeney Todd, which a friend just bought Friday night (a drunk friend that got wasted and drove through the streets of Los Angeles like he was Dr. Jack Shepherd with a death wish). Mess!
But, he was not the mess Johnny saw at the Movie Awards. That coveted title went to Lindsay "I'll try being a lesbian for fun" Lohan. Johnny reportedly offered Lindsay a stay at his private island in the Caribbean. Was Johnny high when making this offer? Maybe he's just looking for some good weed and figures Linds will be packing wherever she goes. Johnny, I see through your outreach program!
Well, I hope Lindsay takes him up on the offer and ends up moving there with Samantha Ronson so I don't have to read about them anymore. Linds can dance in a cage on the beach while Samantha DJs. Or they can hold movie nights at the beach every Wednesday and alternate between Mean Girls and The Parent Trap. Oh, Linds. You had so much potential.
Remember when this show was cool? Was I in high school? Probably. I used to think perming my hair was a good idea, so what do I know?
Anyway, Johnny won two awards....uh....oh, Best Comedic Performance for one of the Pirate movies...and one for....hmmmm....oh, okay, Best Villian for Sweeney Todd, which a friend just bought Friday night (a drunk friend that got wasted and drove through the streets of Los Angeles like he was Dr. Jack Shepherd with a death wish). Mess!
But, he was not the mess Johnny saw at the Movie Awards. That coveted title went to Lindsay "I'll try being a lesbian for fun" Lohan. Johnny reportedly offered Lindsay a stay at his private island in the Caribbean. Was Johnny high when making this offer? Maybe he's just looking for some good weed and figures Linds will be packing wherever she goes. Johnny, I see through your outreach program!
Well, I hope Lindsay takes him up on the offer and ends up moving there with Samantha Ronson so I don't have to read about them anymore. Linds can dance in a cage on the beach while Samantha DJs. Or they can hold movie nights at the beach every Wednesday and alternate between Mean Girls and The Parent Trap. Oh, Linds. You had so much potential.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Let's blame the writer's strike!
If only the strike hadn't pushed back the new season of Rescue Me, Tatum O'Neal wouldn't have needed to hit the pipe. Mmmm.....party!
The delusional and dysfunctional Ms. O'Neal was busted for attempting to buy crack cocaine from a panhandler near her Lower East Side apartment Sunday night. Don't judge! Maybe it's how she gets through an episode of Denise Richards: It's Complicated. I know I want to take drugs after seeing a 30 second promo. My gosh, is she a dumb ho. Team Charlie!
Actually, Team Martin Sheen! Save your grandchildren!!!
Oh, Tatum. Get it together.
I hear the Cirque Lodge does wonders. A friend of mine is going there soon.
The delusional and dysfunctional Ms. O'Neal was busted for attempting to buy crack cocaine from a panhandler near her Lower East Side apartment Sunday night. Don't judge! Maybe it's how she gets through an episode of Denise Richards: It's Complicated. I know I want to take drugs after seeing a 30 second promo. My gosh, is she a dumb ho. Team Charlie!
Actually, Team Martin Sheen! Save your grandchildren!!!
Oh, Tatum. Get it together.
I hear the Cirque Lodge does wonders. A friend of mine is going there soon.
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