Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I love coke and couture!

Of course the coke in your pocket wasn't your coke, Linds! I hold drugs for my friends all the time. Sometimes they are wearing pants without pockets, or dresses without pockets...OR IT'S MY COKE AND I LIKE THE FEEL OF IT IN MY POCKET. IT'S LIKE A SECURITY BLANKET WHEN I AM DONE DRINKING AND NEED SOMETHING UP MY NOSE.

Oh my gravy, as Rachael Ray says. (Does that bug anyone else?)

I liked Lindsay when she was young and innocent and even when she started to slut it up in Mean Girls. I let it slide because she had a few back-to-back hits and people were speculating her breasts were fake and I felt a little sorry for her because fame was coming at her fast. And her parents were complete fools who wanted the fame and money and didn't really care about their daughter, the new Family Cash Cow.

But enough is enough. The girl needs help. And I don't care that she's 21 years old. She's a girl. A girl with addiction problems and no one to help her.

And don't get me started on how she, like Nic Kidman, can't pull off being blonde because they are TOO PALE! What? Yes, that is a part of the problem.

Just like bad weaves and no manners are Brit's problem. I can't wait for OK! Magazine's exclusive look at the meltdown of the woman that thinks gas station bathroom floors are sanitary and beating up a car with an umbrella is no joke. Oh, Brit! Ya little bumpkin!

I don't know which cracks me up more....that she wiped her greasy hands on a couture dress(after eating fried chicken at a photoshoot), or that she used a couture dress to wipe up her dog's poop. Hmmmm......too close to call, I guess! I'm sure the stains of cheetos and red bull weren't far behind.

And now Kevin wants to sue for full custody and I want to sue them both for procreating when they clearly are too stupid to walk and chew gum at the same time. Those poor kids.

I still think if Angie is so into saving the world, she should start with those two kids! C'mon Ang!

Or, Brad and I can just raise them on Lost island. What a storybook ending.

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