Is this thing on?

So, it's been forever since I last wrote and that is partly because I am LAZY and partly because as much as I love reading about how F*CKED UP celebrities are, I sometimes get tired of talking about them. Other than to myself. And, seriously, how many times can you read a story about Lindsay fighting with a sidewalk (or any other flat surface) before you are like, "WE GET IT! SHE'S A MESS! DO I HAVE ENOUGH CHANGE IN MY WALLET FOR A MILKY WAY BECAUSE IT'S ONLY 9:25AM AND I'M ALREADY OVER THIS DAY?"

Love you, Milky Way!

So, anyway, these last few weeks have been....hmmm....challenging. Let's go with that. On the bright side: my sister's engagement. On the bad side: an allergic reaction that still won't go away, my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer, and Bono hurting his back and postponement of the U2 tour until next year. Calgon, take us all away.

Last night it was 90 degrees in my apartment and I was tired and sweating like Lohan after an allnighter, and I turned to American Idol because even though I loathe hearing amateurs sing, I want to be up-to-date on my pop culture. Some dude that looked a little like a past winner (or runner-up or audience member) won and I thought he was going to either pass out or puke on Seacrest (HOW GREAT WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?) and then Ryan's all "Beautiful Day!" and for a split second I thought he was trying to be funny because there was no way this generic doofus winner was going to start belting out WAIT. WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Lee DeWyze (yes, I had to look it up) started singing a U2 song. On my tv. It was the equivalent of having lemon juice poured on an open wound. I would like to blame that television moment for why I later woke up with another hive outbreak. Thanks, Lee! Luckily Bravo was running a Kathy Griffin stand up marathon and I watched her talk about Whitney (crack is whack!) Houston on Oprah until the Zyrtec kicked in......at 2:45am.

Beautiful day, indeed.