This show is so fake.

But still entertaining. Although, honestly, I keep forgetting it's on. Whoops! Luckily, we have a recapper to bring me up to date on these bitches. Oy. Also, dreads for JB? Again, Oy!

TWO THINGS to kick off the night:
1) What are these reports that Heidi and Lauren have been spotted
together recently around Tinseltown? This can't be!
2) Audrina's been photographed with an alleged new boytoy, some
supermodel who has the same slicked back high ponytail look as David Beckham did when he was really blond.

Now, the show:

10:00: Lauren shows us she doesn't only reserve her death stares for people, she also gives them to computer screens.

10:02: Heidi probably doesn't even understand the purpose of the Declare Yourself event she's going to, but she feigns understanding like a champ.

10:04: Justin Bobby is growing dreadlocks. At least in his grossness he's working towards a goal. I guess.

10:06: Dun dun....dun. Round one of Heidi vs. Lauren includes lots of eye rolling and awkward stares off into the distance. If only all parties had been there longer, and had had a few more martinis, things could've gotten really memorable.

10:12: How does Sean Kingston have such a high pitched voice for being such a big man? It defies reason.

10:14: Round two of H vs. L comes by way of IM. So obviously, this is getting serious. On a sidenote, who wouldn't love to know what Lauren's screen name is? It's totally something like LagunaGrl4Eva.

10:22: Audrina is so grateful for a cubicle that it makes me feel(kind of) bad for hating mine.

10:24: Here we go, it's time for round three. Heidi opens up with flowers. Random and not appreciated by Lauren at all. That was a bad idea.

10:27: Things get heated as the two girls argue while sitting as far apart from one another as possible on the same sofa. Did you hear that Heidi? Lauren wants to forget you. So this brings me back to the fact that these two have apparently reconciled. I'm so confused by it all. My head is spinning.

And finally, can we talk about scenes for next week's ep?!? The Speidi wedding planning looks to be getting underway and I can't wait to see Spencer turn into dust as he enters the church. Something to look forward to, no?