Before I begin my many thoughts about last night's Oscar telecast, I just want to thank my loyal reader(s) for their thoughts and prayers while I was on leave from this blog. The rumor around Hollywood was that I was in rehab. That is not true. I was, however, in need of a break from reporting on Tinsel Town gossip. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. I was drained and exhausted. I mean, finding out that Jennifer Love-Hewitt has a bodyguard on the set of The Ghost Whisperer sent me over the edge. I mean...her? What? Sometimes Hollywood just skewers my sense of well-being and I need to retreat into the healing power of reruns of 30 Rock and the magical comedic touch of Tina Fey.
Deep breath. Let's begin.
OH MY GOSH, TINA WAS AT THE OSCAR'S. More on that later.
Let's start with the red carpet. This year, in an effort to maximize suspense (and draw more viewers to the actual telecast), the producers asked that not all presenters walk the red carpet. Say what? With a huh? Fine. Whatever. If it saved me from having to hear a few inane interviews conducted by Ryan Seacrest, I'd like to thank the Academy. Ha!
Miley was the first little chipmunk on the carpet. Oy. Her dress was too much. Designed by Zuhair Murad, it was bejeweled with what looked like fish scales. Is she just being Miley? Please. She's 16 going on 45, but said her dress was inspired by The Little Mermaid. Back to the Disney vault, pronto!
The big buzz on the carpet was whether or not The Brange and Maniston would cross paths. Didn't happen. WHYYY?????? Well, it was deliciously awkward during the ceremony, so I was rewarded later. Jenny A. skipped the red carpet, but The Brange did not. Brad looked great, but I'm wondering why Angie decided to leave the house looking like a woman in her mid-60s? That hair was horrible. It aged her dramatically. Don't get it. I mean, she has a zillion children, I know she's tired, but why take it out on her hair. She's always had great hair. Not last night. And would it kill her to eat? So thin. And didn't she used to have a bigger chest? She's lost weight everywhere. Loved her Elie Saab black strapless dress and emerald jewels, though.
Where is my Kate Winslet? Where? Oh, there. Totally killing it Grace Kelly style in her Atelier Yves Saint Laurent dress. Adore her. She really brought glam and fabulous style throughout the award season. And she has wrinkles! She get wrinkles around her eyes when she laughs and she is real and down-to-earth and I just love her.
Wait. What? I know my lenses have scratches and smudges, but did I really see what I thought I saw? MELISSA GEORGE on the red carpet? The woman that ruined Season 3 of Alias and made children weep and dogs howl in despair is on the red carpet? No. No. NO!!!! Ahem. Well, she was and she looked a mess, so there was some satisfaction. According to my brother, Rob, there is a lottery the celebs must enter to attend, and it was her year to win. Like how Gary Busey attended last year and scared the crap out of Jennifer Garner.
Penelope Cruz wore a white Pierre Balmain gown that was very princess-like. Not a fan of white, but she looked very pretty. Didn't like her hair, though, because her bangs were too heavy and split on her forehead strangely. Her jewels, from Chopard, were exquisite, though.
There's Anne Hathaway. I wish she had worn a jewel tone because she is even more pale than I am. Her strapless Armani Prive dress was quite stunning, though, and it fit her skeletal frame well. I'm sorry, but it's true! Girl needs to eat! C'mon, Annie!
Amy Adams looked stunning. She wore a crimson Carolina Herrera bustier dress with black silk satin. I like when redheads don't shy away from red. It really worked with her hair color and skin tone. What I could have done without was her Fred Leighton necklace, which not only looked like it weighted 1,000 pounds, but was too busy and took attention away from the dress. Less would have been more.
Beyonce in the house! Looking like she wore something from the Tina Knowles collection. GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN, she was! Proving that she and her mother wouldn't know good taste if it sang to them, she wore a dress that could best be described as drapes in an asylum. Black dress. Busy gold flowers that overpower the dress. The House of Dereon needs to board up it's doors and hope for a tornado.
Paging good taste, STAT. Oh, thank goodness. Natalie Portman to save the day. Looked amazing. Lilac Rodarte pleated gown. Hair pulled up. So petite. My only problem is that she used a little too much bronzer on her face. Otherwise, flawless.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have major Sarah Jessica Parker issues. Besides loathing Carrie Bradshaw, I always found SJP to be a little too 'fake gracious' and gregarious. Don't know why she was ever considered a 'style icon,' because she always looks so overdone and tries to hard to be on the cutting edge. Last night was prom night for Cinderella. Her 'barely mint' Dior Couture gown made me cringe. And her hair added bulk around her long face. Nightmare all the way around.
Here's a question: When did Jessica Biel go tranny? She looked horrible last night! Stringy hair, strong makeup, and a white, strapless Prada gown. Actually, I am insulting trannies everywhere and I don't mean to.
Oh, Heidi. The Klum did not look her best last night. The woman is stunning, but her slicked do and origami Roland Mouret gown left me bewildered. She chose crimson (always a good color on her) to draw attention to the Heart Truth campaign that she is heavily involved in and wore the Diet Coke red dress charm bracelet she designed for the campaign. Good work Heidi, but not with the dress design. You're out!
Freida Pinto. Love her. If you haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire yet, run. So good. Freida is stunning. Didn't love her John Galliano dress last night. The cobalt blue was fab, but I didn't like the lace covering one arm. And her hair was pulled up and too mature. She's young and has beautiful hair. Could have done something stylish with it. She and Dev Patel were adorable, though. So sweet and kind with the young children from the movie. Oh my gosh, those kids were gorgeous and hilarious and so thrilled to be there. Did you see Ryan and Giuliana doing their best to embarrass Dev and Freida? Ugh. Are they dating???? What???? Freida is involved in a bit of a scandal regarding her fiance (or is it husband?) that she dumped recently. Need more details, but it is being played that she dumped his ass once the movie started winning awards. Say it ain't so, Freida!
Taraji P. Henson. Gorgeous! Her tiered ivory Roberto Cavalli gown killed. Flattered her figure and did not wear her, you know? Loved the hair, jewels and clutch. Perfect!
You know who surprised me the most? Alicia Keys. Not because she normally looks beat, but because she was there. She looked fabulous in her plum Armani Prive gown. Worked so well with her skin tone and her flowing locks worked perfectly.
Oh, wait. I was actually surprised by Robert Downey, Jr. as well. What elixir did he drink the night before, because he looked at least 20 years younger last night?!?! Fabulous.
Paging the tweens! It's Vanessa Hudgens. Oy. Not a big fan of feathers, so the ones glued to her bust were scaring me. Otherwise, the Marchesa strapless black gown would have looked okay. Not great. Liked her earrings from Cathy Waterman, though.
Settle down, girls. Zac Effron and Robert Pattinson on the carpet. Don't get the appeal of either one (a metrosexual and a pale guy that looks like he doesn't bathe), but the gals love them! I won't mention which of my sisters likes the
High School Musical movies. Did I mention that I only have one sister? I'm glad I'm not a tween right now. The boy choices are limited.
Now, on to the show!
Love Hugh Jackman. He's Australian! He's Wolverine! He sings! He dances! He hosted The Tony's! I thought he did a great job last night. I know I was scratching my head when I heard the announcement that he would be hosting, but I think it was a nice shakeup for the show. He's very personable, very talented, and very cute. Worked for me. The opening number was fun and MY GOSH, he has a lot of energy. Very classy and worked that tux beautifully. Also, I hear that Ricky Gervais and Seth Myers wrote his jokes. Uh, yeah. Can't go wrong there. Love them!
Could have done without the musical number in the middle. Save it for Broadway! At least Beyonce wasn't in her horrible gown. But I'm just not a fan of musicals in general, so it was time to fast forward.
Something I didn't fast forward through? TINA FEY. Tina Fey and Steve Martin presenting Adapted and Original Screenplays. Did I mention Tina? She looked amazing in her Zac Posen silver dress. Great shape for her. And she's funny. Did you know Tina is funny? You should. Everyone in the world should. I bet she had a hand in writing their sketch (if not writing the whole thing).
Congrats to Penelope Cruz for winning Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Her speech was cute and she looked nervous. The bangs still bugged me. Sorry, Penny!
Poignant moment alert! Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight. His father, mother, and sister accepted the award on his behalf. Very touching and I give them credit for doing it. Couldn't have been easy.
Did you know Kate Winslet has been nominated for six Oscars? Sixth time was the charm, as she finally won for her role in The Reader. OH MY GOSH, I love Kate. So cute when she asked her dad to whistle so she would know where he was sitting. Everyone was so happy for Kate. Her fellow actors (both older and younger than her) respect and admire her. Marion Cotillard (looking stunning) was clearly thrilled to be appointed as the former Best Actress winner to speak of Kate's performance this year. (In a fun twist, the Academy had previous winners in the acting categories (5 each) walk on stage and speak of each of this year's nominees. Last year's winner opened the envelope and announced this year's winner). Got that?
Kudos to you, Kate!
In the tightest race of the night, Best Actor, Sean Penn emerged with his 2nd Oscar. It seemed a two-man race between him and Comeback of the Year, Mickey Rourke. Sean took the time to push for equal rights for all people during his speech, even going so far as to say that those who voted for the ban on gay marriage should feel ashamed and anticipate "the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way of support." He also congratulated Mickey Rourke and called him "my brother."
Finally, the Best Picture was presented by Steven Spielberg. All hail Slumdog! So glad it won Best Picture. Didn't realize until this past weekend that it was originally going to go straight to dvd. Luckily, funding came through and it was released on the big screen. Wonderful film. Brilliant cast.
And that ends another award season. I'm exhausted. You? Congrats to all the winners and nominees.
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