I had a baby brother for my 7th birthday. Not actually on my birthday, but three months prior. It was so great!
Did I mention that he once rolled off a bed while under my care?
I honestly don't remember what I got for my birthday that year, but I'm sure it did not squelch the deep-ceded bitterness and resentment I felt for having a baby all up in my face after 7 years of alone time.
Did I mention we also had to give my cat away to family friends because we thought my brother was allergic to it? I'll never forget you, Crayon!
Anyway, Maddox Jolie-Pitt had a much more interesting birthday yesterday with his hot dad/my future husband, William Bradley Pitt. The two went to a go-kart track in the South of France and burned rubber. Or whatever go karts do. Safety first, boys! Wear your helmets.
Angie was back at the mansion with their 5 other children, desperate for a drink and some quiet. Just a guess.
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NEWSFLASH! The Glowworm (due in Quality Marts soon) reports that both John Edwards, former presidential candidate and Sharif Ali, entertainment mogul, have come forth claiming they have not had an affair with hot LA comic, Mary Kennedy Hall. Oddly, though no affair claims to have been had, both are claiming to be the biological father of Kennedy-Hall's most recent progeny, Nikki, (gender and sexual identity TBA.) "I don't even miss the bitch, besides the 99.9% fact that I pretty much don't know her...she sure looks a lot like that tranny cop on ER though." said Ali. Edwards was not available for comment and was last seen fleeing an apparent hiding place under Kennedy Hall's glass kitchen table. Chuckie Hall, Kennedy's porn king husband, was available for comment, but appears to be a mute. Nikki was last seen picketing in front of an LA Jack In The Box carrying a sign reading, "Please let me be your love child...I have two grannies and my mommy smells like a fish taco and wears ZumZum..."
The Glowworm is the best thing to happen to Quality Marts ever.
Thank you for cracking me up this early in the morning.
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