Power Side Ponytail

A new season of The Hills? Already? Ugh.

Luckily, we have Recapper Jessica to help us maneuver through the eyerolls, blank stares, boob jobs, and side swept bangs that make this show the best fake reality on television. On with the recap of the season premiere:

I'm dedicating this, the first recap of the new season of The Hills, to Lo's power side ponytail. Clearly it was this 'do that gave Lo the nerve to cross enemy lines, the backyard pool, and confront Audrina about their friendship woes.

But wait, this was the final scene of tonight's episode. Let's go back a bit.

Lauren apparently "randomly" ran into an old prom date of hers, Doug, after several years of losing touch. I'm sure this guy had no idea about her whereabouts. She's so hard to track down these days. The two go on a date, and YOWZA it was awkward to watch. But aren't all dates on The Hills awkward? There was alot of silent smiling and boring conversation. Check, please.

I don't know how much I can talk about Spencer and the return of his flesh colored beard. Besides his disastrous facial hair, his behavior towards Heidi's sister was ridiculous enough to have everyone question what Heidi sees in him (for the 1000th time). At least Heidi gave her sis, Holly, some extensions before she sent her on her way back to Colorado. After all, a mean, rude, unwelcoming potential brother-in-law is easier to handle when you have longer hair.

Didn't it seem weird when Frankie showed up to Audrina's birthday party with Doug instead of Brody? What was Brody so busy doing that he couldn't bust out his coordinating Laker jersey for his BFF?

Thanks to the person who decided the zoom in on Audrina's new boobs was a necessary part of the episode. Inappropriate!

I didn't think it was possible, but I'm pretty sure that Lauren was out-bitched by Lo at the party. I'd seen glimpses of this from Lo before, but I didn't think the twig actually had it in her.

As a final note, I'd like to give a big thumbs down to MTV for their ridiculously long commercial breaks during this ep. The first one was about 10 minutes long, and the last one featured an extended look at the movie "The House Bunny." Those are minutes I can't get back MTV. Don't let it happen again.