Brace yourself for The Hills

Thanks to recapper, Jessica, who will be blessed with a visit from our father this weekend. If you are in the Baltimore area, expect to hear raised voices at various times. Also, stay away from car dealerships, as no one is safe when Mike is wheeling and dealing.

And don't let her fool you, she LOVES Danity Kane.

Technical glitches are not bogging us down this week, so, without further ado, here is your weekly dose of "reality" from LC and the gang:

This episode of The Hills starts by making me feel inferior since there's a 90% chance that I'll never in my life live in a house as nice as the one the girls are moving into. Jealousy! I like how Lauren and Lo banish Audrina to the guest house immediately. Yeah they have a guest house. Even more jealousy! It's like '"we want to live with you...as long as you sleep on the other side of the backyard."

Excuse me, I believe Lo ordered a LARGE cappuccino.

How many times can Spencer and his sis have the same conversation about family loyalty? Yawnfest 2008.

All this talk of Stephen showing his face is bringing Hilary Duff's sweet tunes to mind. Let the rain fall down......

Even though I'm not a huge fan of the song, I totally know all the words to the Danity Kane single that brings us back from the commercial break. Diddy has done it yet again.

I love to picture Brody wandering the aisles of Bed Bath & Beyond looking for that perfect housewarming present. Actually, his "manager" Frankie probably got it from some cheesy event and they just re-gifted it.

At the party, Justin Bobby looks like a runaway Mad Max extra.

Look at Lauren showing all kinds of leg for her "date" with Stephen. She definitely thinks it a date, but does he?

I can't shake the feeling that Stephen will say goodnight to Lauren and then call Kristin on his cell phone as he drives away to ask her to hang out. I guess I'm just stuck in a Laguna state of mind.

As a final note, what is this awful show The Paper that comes on after Hills? I guess it follows a high school paper and the drama that ensues. I'm not really sure. Regardless, is this the best MTV could come up with???