Too many diet pills

That's what I'll blame for this mess I just read about regarding Jennifer Love Hewitt, or 'Love.' Gag.

The newly single, out of her mind star of The Ghost Whisperer just celebrated her 30th birthday by dressing up as Audrey Hepburn and having breakfast at Tiffany's.

Good grief, Holly Golightly!

I know JLH starred as Hepburn in a tv movie about her, but that was just an acting role. From a long time ago. No one thought you did a good job, anyway. Leave poor Audrey's memory alone!

Looks like Ross got out just in time.

The Jolie-Pitts enjoy Broadway

Fresh out of their front row seats at the Oscar's, the Brange took 4 of their six children to see The Little Mermaid in NYC last night.

They grow up so fast, don't they? Maddox is now 7, Pax is 5, Ms. Zahara is 4, and Shiloh is 2. Six kids under 8? I need a nap just thinking about it.

Brange is in town while Angie films Salt. Tom Cruise was once attached to the project, but the producers went a different way and made the lead a woman. I don't really see why Tom had to be let go. Boom! Roasted!

Oh, it feels good to laugh.

A tranny back on the market

And her name is Megan Fox.

I'm sorry, but she even admitted it on an E! pre-show. The tranny thing, I mean. Girl wears way, WAY too much makeup. Tone it down. Would neutrals kill you?

Anyway, she and David Silver himself, Brian Austin Green, have ended their two-year engagement. According to People Mag, they 'remain friends.'

Uh-huh.

My guess is that Megan didn't appreciate BAG lifting her eyeliner for parties. Did you see those shots of him at the FOX party last year? Someone was a little too happy to be out in public with kohl eyes. Know your place, BAG, and save it for Foxy.

Transformer fan boys, my brothers, and tranny-lovers everywhere can now keep their fingers crossed for a chance with Megan.

Best of luck.

The Lohan Diet for Lent?

Happy Fat Tuesday, everyone!

Is Lindsay fasting early for Lent?

It appears she exists only on Coke, Diet Coke, and cigarettes. And....maybe other stuff? Like...ummm...things that make you very thin.

You know, like stress and work.

UH-HUH. Good one, Linds.

Saw a video of Lindsay high on...work stress, I'm sure, talking about how she and Penny Cruz are friends. ACADEMY AWARD WINNER PENELOPE CRUZ.

Yes, I mean, just look at all the photos taken of those two together. Remember those photos of them hanging out? Having lunch, clubbing, supporting Sam at a DJ gig, etc.

If I were a betting woman, I'd put five dollars on another rehab trip soon.

I'm back...and I brought The Oscar's with me

Before I begin my many thoughts about last night's Oscar telecast, I just want to thank my loyal reader(s) for their thoughts and prayers while I was on leave from this blog. The rumor around Hollywood was that I was in rehab. That is not true. I was, however, in need of a break from reporting on Tinsel Town gossip. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. I was drained and exhausted. I mean, finding out that Jennifer Love-Hewitt has a bodyguard on the set of The Ghost Whisperer sent me over the edge. I mean...her? What? Sometimes Hollywood just skewers my sense of well-being and I need to retreat into the healing power of reruns of 30 Rock and the magical comedic touch of Tina Fey.

Deep breath. Let's begin.

OH MY GOSH, TINA WAS AT THE OSCAR'S. More on that later.

Let's start with the red carpet. This year, in an effort to maximize suspense (and draw more viewers to the actual telecast), the producers asked that not all presenters walk the red carpet. Say what? With a huh? Fine. Whatever. If it saved me from having to hear a few inane interviews conducted by Ryan Seacrest, I'd like to thank the Academy. Ha!

Miley was the first little chipmunk on the carpet. Oy. Her dress was too much. Designed by Zuhair Murad, it was bejeweled with what looked like fish scales. Is she just being Miley? Please. She's 16 going on 45, but said her dress was inspired by The Little Mermaid. Back to the Disney vault, pronto!

The big buzz on the carpet was whether or not The Brange and Maniston would cross paths. Didn't happen. WHYYY?????? Well, it was deliciously awkward during the ceremony, so I was rewarded later. Jenny A. skipped the red carpet, but The Brange did not. Brad looked great, but I'm wondering why Angie decided to leave the house looking like a woman in her mid-60s? That hair was horrible. It aged her dramatically. Don't get it. I mean, she has a zillion children, I know she's tired, but why take it out on her hair. She's always had great hair. Not last night. And would it kill her to eat? So thin. And didn't she used to have a bigger chest? She's lost weight everywhere. Loved her Elie Saab black strapless dress and emerald jewels, though.

Where is my Kate Winslet? Where? Oh, there. Totally killing it Grace Kelly style in her Atelier Yves Saint Laurent dress. Adore her. She really brought glam and fabulous style throughout the award season. And she has wrinkles! She get wrinkles around her eyes when she laughs and she is real and down-to-earth and I just love her.

Wait. What? I know my lenses have scratches and smudges, but did I really see what I thought I saw? MELISSA GEORGE on the red carpet? The woman that ruined Season 3 of Alias and made children weep and dogs howl in despair is on the red carpet? No. No. NO!!!! Ahem. Well, she was and she looked a mess, so there was some satisfaction. According to my brother, Rob, there is a lottery the celebs must enter to attend, and it was her year to win. Like how Gary Busey attended last year and scared the crap out of Jennifer Garner.

Penelope Cruz wore a white Pierre Balmain gown that was very princess-like. Not a fan of white, but she looked very pretty. Didn't like her hair, though, because her bangs were too heavy and split on her forehead strangely. Her jewels, from Chopard, were exquisite, though.

There's Anne Hathaway. I wish she had worn a jewel tone because she is even more pale than I am. Her strapless Armani Prive dress was quite stunning, though, and it fit her skeletal frame well. I'm sorry, but it's true! Girl needs to eat! C'mon, Annie!

Amy Adams looked stunning. She wore a crimson Carolina Herrera bustier dress with black silk satin. I like when redheads don't shy away from red. It really worked with her hair color and skin tone. What I could have done without was her Fred Leighton necklace, which not only looked like it weighted 1,000 pounds, but was too busy and took attention away from the dress. Less would have been more.

Beyonce in the house! Looking like she wore something from the Tina Knowles collection. GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN, she was! Proving that she and her mother wouldn't know good taste if it sang to them, she wore a dress that could best be described as drapes in an asylum. Black dress. Busy gold flowers that overpower the dress. The House of Dereon needs to board up it's doors and hope for a tornado.

Paging good taste, STAT. Oh, thank goodness. Natalie Portman to save the day. Looked amazing. Lilac Rodarte pleated gown. Hair pulled up. So petite. My only problem is that she used a little too much bronzer on her face. Otherwise, flawless.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have major Sarah Jessica Parker issues. Besides loathing Carrie Bradshaw, I always found SJP to be a little too 'fake gracious' and gregarious. Don't know why she was ever considered a 'style icon,' because she always looks so overdone and tries to hard to be on the cutting edge. Last night was prom night for Cinderella. Her 'barely mint' Dior Couture gown made me cringe. And her hair added bulk around her long face. Nightmare all the way around.

Here's a question: When did Jessica Biel go tranny? She looked horrible last night! Stringy hair, strong makeup, and a white, strapless Prada gown. Actually, I am insulting trannies everywhere and I don't mean to.

Oh, Heidi. The Klum did not look her best last night. The woman is stunning, but her slicked do and origami Roland Mouret gown left me bewildered. She chose crimson (always a good color on her) to draw attention to the Heart Truth campaign that she is heavily involved in and wore the Diet Coke red dress charm bracelet she designed for the campaign. Good work Heidi, but not with the dress design. You're out!

Freida Pinto. Love her. If you haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire yet, run. So good. Freida is stunning. Didn't love her John Galliano dress last night. The cobalt blue was fab, but I didn't like the lace covering one arm. And her hair was pulled up and too mature. She's young and has beautiful hair. Could have done something stylish with it. She and Dev Patel were adorable, though. So sweet and kind with the young children from the movie. Oh my gosh, those kids were gorgeous and hilarious and so thrilled to be there. Did you see Ryan and Giuliana doing their best to embarrass Dev and Freida? Ugh. Are they dating???? What???? Freida is involved in a bit of a scandal regarding her fiance (or is it husband?) that she dumped recently. Need more details, but it is being played that she dumped his ass once the movie started winning awards. Say it ain't so, Freida!

Taraji P. Henson. Gorgeous! Her tiered ivory Roberto Cavalli gown killed. Flattered her figure and did not wear her, you know? Loved the hair, jewels and clutch. Perfect!

You know who surprised me the most? Alicia Keys. Not because she normally looks beat, but because she was there. She looked fabulous in her plum Armani Prive gown. Worked so well with her skin tone and her flowing locks worked perfectly.

Oh, wait. I was actually surprised by Robert Downey, Jr. as well. What elixir did he drink the night before, because he looked at least 20 years younger last night?!?! Fabulous.

Paging the tweens! It's Vanessa Hudgens. Oy. Not a big fan of feathers, so the ones glued to her bust were scaring me. Otherwise, the Marchesa strapless black gown would have looked okay. Not great. Liked her earrings from Cathy Waterman, though.

Settle down, girls. Zac Effron and Robert Pattinson on the carpet. Don't get the appeal of either one (a metrosexual and a pale guy that looks like he doesn't bathe), but the gals love them! I won't mention which of my sisters likes the
High School Musical movies. Did I mention that I only have one sister? I'm glad I'm not a tween right now. The boy choices are limited.

Now, on to the show!

Love Hugh Jackman. He's Australian! He's Wolverine! He sings! He dances! He hosted The Tony's! I thought he did a great job last night. I know I was scratching my head when I heard the announcement that he would be hosting, but I think it was a nice shakeup for the show. He's very personable, very talented, and very cute. Worked for me. The opening number was fun and MY GOSH, he has a lot of energy. Very classy and worked that tux beautifully. Also, I hear that Ricky Gervais and Seth Myers wrote his jokes. Uh, yeah. Can't go wrong there. Love them!

Could have done without the musical number in the middle. Save it for Broadway! At least Beyonce wasn't in her horrible gown. But I'm just not a fan of musicals in general, so it was time to fast forward.

Something I didn't fast forward through? TINA FEY. Tina Fey and Steve Martin presenting Adapted and Original Screenplays. Did I mention Tina? She looked amazing in her Zac Posen silver dress. Great shape for her. And she's funny. Did you know Tina is funny? You should. Everyone in the world should. I bet she had a hand in writing their sketch (if not writing the whole thing).

Congrats to Penelope Cruz for winning Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Her speech was cute and she looked nervous. The bangs still bugged me. Sorry, Penny!

Poignant moment alert! Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight. His father, mother, and sister accepted the award on his behalf. Very touching and I give them credit for doing it. Couldn't have been easy.

Did you know Kate Winslet has been nominated for six Oscars? Sixth time was the charm, as she finally won for her role in The Reader. OH MY GOSH, I love Kate. So cute when she asked her dad to whistle so she would know where he was sitting. Everyone was so happy for Kate. Her fellow actors (both older and younger than her) respect and admire her. Marion Cotillard (looking stunning) was clearly thrilled to be appointed as the former Best Actress winner to speak of Kate's performance this year. (In a fun twist, the Academy had previous winners in the acting categories (5 each) walk on stage and speak of each of this year's nominees. Last year's winner opened the envelope and announced this year's winner). Got that?
Kudos to you, Kate!

In the tightest race of the night, Best Actor, Sean Penn emerged with his 2nd Oscar. It seemed a two-man race between him and Comeback of the Year, Mickey Rourke. Sean took the time to push for equal rights for all people during his speech, even going so far as to say that those who voted for the ban on gay marriage should feel ashamed and anticipate "the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way of support." He also congratulated Mickey Rourke and called him "my brother."

Finally, the Best Picture was presented by Steven Spielberg. All hail Slumdog! So glad it won Best Picture. Didn't realize until this past weekend that it was originally going to go straight to dvd. Luckily, funding came through and it was released on the big screen. Wonderful film. Brilliant cast.

And that ends another award season. I'm exhausted. You? Congrats to all the winners and nominees.

Kate Winslet

She killed at the Globes. Oh, Kate.

So deserved. She's outstanding and it's about time she started getting the awards. Yes, the nominations are nice, but this woman is a great actor. People much less deserving have won awards....Julia Roberts, anyone? Uh, yeah. So give Kate all the awards and let her finally bring home an Oscar.

But last night it was her night to shine at the Globes. And she did. Two awards for two heralded performances. And her favorite men were on either side of her: Sam Mendes and Leo D. She looked radiant and owned the night. All hail Kate.

And you know Kate is loved by her peers when even Angie overlooked being referred to as "the other one." Seriously. If Anne Hathaway would have forgotten Angie's name on stage, Anne Hathaway would no longer be alive today. There would be dust where Anne once stood. Angie's bitch face from the Critics' Choice Awards still haunts Anne. I'm sure of it.

Maybe she's too afraid to eat. Anne, you must eat. You are way too thin.

The other highlight of the night? The Brange turning their back on Ryan Seacrest on live television. Like, completely ignoring his pleas for an interview. Did I mention that Ryan had to fly off his E! post and run after them? He physically left his post to go after The Brange, only to have security cut him off as he tried to impede on their photo ops. Gah! I can only imagine the tizzy he threw later on. Brad was even caught stopping to chat with Billy Bush on the carpet. BUT NO SEACREST? Sorry, Ryan. Brad Pitt respects Billy Bush more than you.

Oh my gosh, sad.

All Hail Queen Z

Zahara turns 4 today.

You know she told those other brats to bow down. She doesn't mess around.

Sydney Bristow pops out another child

And it's a girl! A sister for little Violet, who turned 3 last month.

Somewhere, Michael Vartan is breathing a sigh of relief and going about his business doing whatever he wants.

Where has the time gone?

Wasn't it just 2008?

Well, I am exhausted. Trying to drink more water and walk more during the day is very tiring.

Anyway, is anyone watching Bromance on MTV? Ugh. Brody Jenner is a nightmare. Tedious on The Hills, so it makes perfect sense to give him his own show. And don't get me started on Whitney Port. The City looks like a snoozefest. Mondays will never be the same.

Neil Patrick Harris is hosting SNL this week. Yes, please. LOVE him. So damn funny on HIMYM. I really hope he wins a Globe this Sunday. Well deserved.

The Jonas Brothers are presenting during the ceremony. Really? Gah. As Liz Lemon would say, "Youths!"

Speaking of Liz, there is a new 30 Rock this week. Can't wait. I've missed having new episodes to rewind during laughing fits. The Office returns all-new on the 15th.

Scrubs returns tonight at 9:00 on it's new home, ABC. Thank you for taking on this funny show and giving it the respect NBC never could, Steve McPherson! Now, if only you could respect me enough to air the final three Pushing Daisies episodes now and not make me wait until summer. Annoying, to say the least.

Also annoying? Trying to be healthy. I need to go on the Lohan diet.

A Time For Reflection

What a year! Oh, 2008, you really kicked my ass. You were EXHAUSTING. But, there were definitely moments that made me glad I hadn't idolized the Menendez Brothers and ended up in jail.

With that, here's a look back:

Jim and Pam got engaged. FINALLY. Oh, so coy, writers. After four seasons, our favorite office workers got engaged at a gas station. And, somehow, it worked beautifully. Now, let's got on with the wedding.

Cloverfield made me nauseous. Seriously, it did. That hand-held camera nonsense grated after thirty minutes. And nice of Rob to endanger the lives of his friends by making them haul ass over to Beth. Oh, there's just some gigantic alien ripping NY a new one, but he needs to find Beth so he can admit he was an ass to her. Ugh. BUT, Matt Reeves and JJ Abrams gave me Felicity, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

We got a new President. Oh, yes. And he has his work cut out for him. Hope he's enjoying that vacay in Hawaii.

Angie popped out some twins. Better her then me.

Brit made a comeback. And it is still keeping. May 2009 mark a fresh start for the pop tart, starting with a few good weaves.

The economy is going down. That was a quote from a friend of mine. See what an Emerson education can do for you? Our country is a mess, but if Britney can make a comeback, hopefully we can too.

Tina Fey made a better Gov. Palin then Gov. Palin. Tina can turn anything into gold.

And with that, I wish you all a Happy New Year. May 2009 be the Year of Bluntski.

Cate Blanchett

Uh, yeah....she's awesome. Need proof?

Oscar winner, lives out of the spotlight of Hollywood, adored by her peers, wife, mother, embraces the pale, and doesn't whine about fame.

Refreshing, to say the least.

Cate graces the cover of the February Vanity Fair.

Jennifer Aniston, take note.

Tina Fey named Entertainer of the Year

The AP got it right by naming Tina their Entertainer of the Year. Well deserved, don't you think?

Tina beat out Robert Downey Jr. for the top spot, but I'm sure good ole' Rob can live with it. His Iron Man comeback was well received throughout Hollywood, and he is currently filming Guy Ritchie's version of Sherlock Holmes in London. Kudos to Rob for turning it around and getting off the drugs.

Things looked dire for him a few years back. Remember the time he found his way into a stranger's house and fell asleep in a child's bed? Yikes.

Wishing RDJ only good things in 2009.

And now I would like to take the time to wish all of my Celebrity Skewer readers a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Festive Kwanzaa, and joyous any and all Holidays you observe.

Fingers crossed I get the Jim Halpert clone under my tree I've been wishing for since Season 1. Tick Tock, Santa.

The Hills finale

Another season of The Hills came to a close last night. Oh, and look at what Christmas miracle we have: Recapper Jessica doing her job and recapping the finale! What do you think of that?

It's the season finale of The Hills tonight. What pre-Christmas goodies did MTV bring us? To wrap up the final episode of '08, here are the top 8 moments from tonight's show:

Brent's reaction to Heidi's wedding: the pause, the stunned silence, the slight eye roll. Classic.

Justin Bobby in overalls, no shirt, on the motorcycle with the huge handlebars.

Good ol' Darlene, ready and waiting to lay the smackdown on Mr. and Mrs. Pratt.

Spencer looking like his laziness is finally equalling fattiness. That is a bloated face underneath all that scruff.

Justin Bobby coughing up a ring, literally, to give Audrina. I swear that's what it looked like to me.

Heidi's plastic face showing some emotion during her five minute reunion with Lauren. The whole interaction was awkward, and kind of sweet. But mostly just awkward.

Crackhead Stephanie being the only sane person in the courtroom. When she's the voice of reason, you're in trouble.

Spencer being the biggest drama king ever and waiting until the last minute to ask Heidi if she was okay with getting married in court. What a novel idea. I'm sure that judge was thrilled to have to deal with this three ring circus.

So, another Hills season has come to a close. Who's in for The City next week? I don't think I have it in me. Ugh, I must be getting old.

A-Rod kicked to the curb already?

Reports are surfacing that Maddie has found herself a studly young Brazilian named Jesus. Seriously.

Hmmm.....A-Rod's wandering eye get him in trouble already? Or did he show up to brunch one day without his Kabbalah bracelet? You know Maddie won't stand for either.

Now if we could only kick him to another team....Merry Christmas to ME!

What a week

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt first photos together. They shall now be known as Bluntski. LOVE THEM!

SAG noms. I really want to see Kate Winslet sweep every and all awards. Long overdue.

Celebrity Rehab finale. I will watch today as it snows and snows and snows. Ugh. Spring '09, I'm looking at you longingly.

Yanks introduce CC and AJ.

My head is spinning and I can feel the pea soup coming up. Time for a nap.

The Piv better watch himself

Oh, Jeremy Piven.

He was working it on Broadway in Speed the Plow during his Entourage hiatus. People were impressed and it was considered a success.

Now he has dropped out and flown back to LA, citing a high level of mercury in his system.

Is 'mercury' the new code for 'cocktails?' Jeremy's party hard ways are no secret in Hollywood. He loves the drink, the ladies, and a good hair piece. Will be interesting to see if this turns into something scandalous or not.

I'm sure he'll be just fine for the Golden Globes next month. Just a hunch.

J Lo and Marc Anthony over?

Are they still relevant? Were they ever?

US Weekly has J on the cover with the headline, 'The Ring is Off!' Mmmhmm.

Seems the Mrs. went to the Benji Button premiere without her wedding ring. An oversight? Doubtful. J seems too calculated for that. Especially since she looked stunning on that particular red carpet. She knew there would be paps and press and she's been in the business long enough to know how to draw some attention.

So, the question then becomes, did she send Marc a message by not wearing her ring or was she just trying to get the media talking about her?

Well played, J. Well played.

ETA: The two were spotted at dinner in NYC last night, with J sporting her rock. And I don't mean Marc Anthony!

Stay tuned.

The Hills

More hijinx from the worst "reality" on television:

Only one episode left before next week's finale. What will be the big season ender? Hmmm...until we figure it out, let's get on with tonight's ep.

The Mexican sunlight really adds a different element to the gross fuzz that is on Spencer's face.

Doesn't Lauren look a shade too Oompa Loompa?

Did you catch the car parked outside Audrina's house? It was very Ghostbusters-esque. I'm hoping it's Justin Bobby's ride, just because it would be so fitting.

Can the finale musical guest match the past live Hills event performances of Mimi Carey and Usher? Ha, here's hoping.

Brody better not get too handsy with Whitney, or Aussie NYC werewolf will have some words for him.

Spencer's proposal sounded more like a stalker note than a romantic profession of love. What a psycho.

And what girl doesn't want to down tequila shots to convince her to get married the following day? This is what dreams are made of people.

Lauren starts up with the waterworks at lunch with Whitney. She cries alot. Good thing she still has the jumbo sunglasses to cover the tears.

I can't believe that chapel didn't disintegrate the minute Spencer stepped inside of it.

Now we have to see Pratt wedding #2 next week? Ugh, spare me.

John Taylor, please don't look old tonight

I'm seeing Duran Duran tonight. Jealous? You should be!

I love Duran Duran. Sue me. They were my life in the 80s because they made weird videos and had ridiculous hair and Nick Rhodes was the first guy I ever saw wear makeup (which is probably why I didn't bat an eyelash while seeing dudes at Emerson College wear eyeliner or even wear a dress if the mood were to strike). Thanks, Nick Rhodes.

John Taylor was my favorite. Cute and played an instrument and wasn't a limelight whore (uh, Simon). So, tonight I will see him and hopefully be far enough away to not see that he has aged, a lot, which would make me feel old and cranky and remind me that I have aged, A LOT. Ugh.

Of course, I'm hoping that before the show I will win millions at a slot machine. Then I can buy a few rounds and everyone will look young and I can sit with John after the show and discuss plastic surgery.

Someone buy Jennifer Connolly a burger

Or, if she's a vegetarian like me, a few pints of Ben & Jerry's. Girlfriend is thin. Like scary thin.

She was on Letterman Monday night to promote The Day the Earth Stood Still. The minute she walked out on stage I said, "Holy s***, she's skinny." True story.

The last time she looked this thin to me was when she won the Oscar for A Beautiful Mind. She was gaunt. Her boyfriend had just dumped her (nice one, Josh Charles. Ugh.) and she looked like she hadn't slept/eaten in months.

I haven't heard rumblings of trouble in her marriage to Paul Bettany. She did, however, admit to Dave that her father had passed away recently. Perhaps she is just someone that deals with stress/grief by not eating. I hope that is it and am sorry for her loss.

I will eat enough for both of us throughout the day, I'm sure.

The Day the Earth Stood Still opens Friday.