Writing quickly from Betty Ford before Lindsay and I hit up Forever 21 again. Papa Lohan is paying for our new scarves and leggings. What a humanitarian!
Just wanted to say THANK YOU to Miranda Lambert for cutting Gwyneth Paltrow a side eye on my behalf last night after G's performance of the song "Country Strong" at the CMAs last night. Now don't get all bent and scream at me that my G hate makes me blind to her musical talent. I'm not denying she has some. Like, she didn't make my ears bleed. I actually thought she sounded good. BUT A STANDING OVATION??? When Loretta Lynn just sang minutes before her? Stop that right now!!
Bless Vince Gill's heart for standing up there with her.
And don't get me started on the guitar strumming.
But she did well. I will give her that. And she did look nervous, which I appreciate. It was refreshing because she normally comes across as so smug and up her own ass.
Gotta run! I see some paps lurking behind the fence.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Is this thing on?
So, it's been forever since I last wrote and that is partly because I am LAZY and partly because as much as I love reading about how F*CKED UP celebrities are, I sometimes get tired of talking about them. Other than to myself. And, seriously, how many times can you read a story about Lindsay fighting with a sidewalk (or any other flat surface) before you are like, "WE GET IT! SHE'S A MESS! DO I HAVE ENOUGH CHANGE IN MY WALLET FOR A MILKY WAY BECAUSE IT'S ONLY 9:25AM AND I'M ALREADY OVER THIS DAY?"
Love you, Milky Way!
So, anyway, these last few weeks have been....hmmm....challenging. Let's go with that. On the bright side: my sister's engagement. On the bad side: an allergic reaction that still won't go away, my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer, and Bono hurting his back and postponement of the U2 tour until next year. Calgon, take us all away.
Last night it was 90 degrees in my apartment and I was tired and sweating like Lohan after an allnighter, and I turned to American Idol because even though I loathe hearing amateurs sing, I want to be up-to-date on my pop culture. Some dude that looked a little like a past winner (or runner-up or audience member) won and I thought he was going to either pass out or puke on Seacrest (HOW GREAT WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?) and then Ryan's all "Beautiful Day!" and for a split second I thought he was trying to be funny because there was no way this generic doofus winner was going to start belting out WAIT. WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Lee DeWyze (yes, I had to look it up) started singing a U2 song. On my tv. It was the equivalent of having lemon juice poured on an open wound. I would like to blame that television moment for why I later woke up with another hive outbreak. Thanks, Lee! Luckily Bravo was running a Kathy Griffin stand up marathon and I watched her talk about Whitney (crack is whack!) Houston on Oprah until the Zyrtec kicked in......at 2:45am.
Beautiful day, indeed.
Love you, Milky Way!
So, anyway, these last few weeks have been....hmmm....challenging. Let's go with that. On the bright side: my sister's engagement. On the bad side: an allergic reaction that still won't go away, my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer, and Bono hurting his back and postponement of the U2 tour until next year. Calgon, take us all away.
Last night it was 90 degrees in my apartment and I was tired and sweating like Lohan after an allnighter, and I turned to American Idol because even though I loathe hearing amateurs sing, I want to be up-to-date on my pop culture. Some dude that looked a little like a past winner (or runner-up or audience member) won and I thought he was going to either pass out or puke on Seacrest (HOW GREAT WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?) and then Ryan's all "Beautiful Day!" and for a split second I thought he was trying to be funny because there was no way this generic doofus winner was going to start belting out WAIT. WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Lee DeWyze (yes, I had to look it up) started singing a U2 song. On my tv. It was the equivalent of having lemon juice poured on an open wound. I would like to blame that television moment for why I later woke up with another hive outbreak. Thanks, Lee! Luckily Bravo was running a Kathy Griffin stand up marathon and I watched her talk about Whitney (crack is whack!) Houston on Oprah until the Zyrtec kicked in......at 2:45am.
Beautiful day, indeed.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Part 2
Hi, Parsons! What a fabulous workspace.
We have some new sponsors this season! Brother is providing the sewing machines and HP is providing Touchsmart notebooks. Lucky! Now get to work, bitches!
Janeane is going to make a black cocktail dress. Zzzzzzzzzz..........oh, what? I'm sure that decision won't come back to bite her. Emilio is making a dress with "color, design, and fit." Good. You deserve to be here. Ping shows us that she likes to put her designs on and jump up and down in front of a mirror in them. The other designers shoot her a quick glance followed by chants of "CRAZY! CRAZY!" in their minds.
At the eight hours left mark, Tim brings the models in. Skin and bones for everyone!
Jesus utters the words "mermaid style" and I go to my dark place of hating mermaid dresses. His waif thinks they will win. We'll see. We get quick shots of the models sashaying in their scraps and I see pointy shoulderblades. Time for dinner!
After the models leave to buy smokes, Tim walks in to check and see who fooled the casting team with their audition tapes. A quick look around makes it seem like most everyone. Tricksters! Ping delights Tim by doing her best impression of an Olsen with her design. It's just layers of material complete with a hat. Fashion forward or just what someone should wear at 202 Highview in the winter?
MELTDOWN! Tim gives his most concerned look of the day to Janeane's cocktail dress. It puckers and doesn't lay flat. Fine for a day when you are bloated, but not for the runway. She scurries off to the bathroom to do some chants about how she deserves to be here and starts from scratch. With less than 8 hours? Time for an energy drink!
Anthony picked a fabric that looks like a garden exploded. Oy. Not feeling it. Tim tells him to stick with the lead actress and not force a supporting player. That is a nice way of saying that his main fabric is hideous. Let's not involve poor yellow.
Jesus used material that looks like a Mr. Hanky-colored fruit roll up. Eww. Tim is worried about the HUMONGOUS seam in the front. I'm worried as well. You know Kors will rip you a new one if he sees it, so why tempt the orange man???
Day of the runway show: scramble like your life depends on it! You know the deal. Everyone has something to add, subtract, and pray on. Will the fashion fairy help you survive to next week? Will everyone use the Bluefly.com wall thoughtfully? Will I start drinking during these recaps? Questions abound!
Emilio/Darius has a LOT to do. He is competing with Janeane for Most Likely To Let The Door Hit You In The Butt. And they still have to bring their models to the L'Oreal Paris Makeup Room and Garnier Hair Salon. And you know those stylists won't wait for you! Chop Chop!
Somehow everyone makes it to the runway. Heidi appears from behind the screen wearing a fresh pop of green in a sheer blouse. Sassy! She makes the designers salivate by telling them what they will win if they are crowned the winner at Fashion Week. Simmer down! We're only in Week 1.
Oh, Nicole Richie is the guest judge this week. She looks....homeless. I'm sorry, but those extensions and peasant outfit don't work. But she's creating her own fashion line, so what do I know. Oh, right. IT DOESN'T WORK!
Jonathan: short sleeveless dress that is very fun and youthful. Impeccable work.
Seth Aaron: short sleeveless plaid dress with a ruffled bottom and zippers. And belt suspenders. Not my favorite, but I think the design is fresh and different.
Jesus: fruit roll up! Lost me at the color, fabric, and when he uttered the words "chiffon train."
Ben: point shoulders for the win! Is that burnt orange? Salmon? Short dress in a fabric with a sheen. Not Charlie, thank goodness. Meh.
Jay: I didn't ask for flower pockets, but you gave them to me anyway. Heidi loves this dress. I'm less enthused. Don't like the fabric on top or the bottom.
Pamela: She must have just watched Pretty In Pink, because she is hitting us with a pink dress that looks like you could use the sleeves for wings. Fly away!
Emilio/Darius: his dress was very cute. A fun pattern that moved well down the runway. He somehow turned his potential disaster into a hit!
Jesse: off the shoulder plaid jacket and skirt with an off the shoulder blouse. Ambitious!
Ping: Throw on some fabric and scurry off down the runway! Oy.
Christiane: loved the blue on its own. Combined with the flower pattern? Not so much. This dress has mess written all over it.
Amy: corset with a bubble skirt. Not feeling it, but it looks well made.
Janeane: blouse and skirt that look like she made them at the last second...because she did! The construction of the skirt is not doing it for me. It bunches on the right and left down the front. Huh?
Mila: jacket, skirt, and shirt that reminds me of a graph grid. Too busy. I'm sure the judges will love it.
Anthony: halter top with a big ole' bunch of fabric on the side. Like a bow on your hip. Always flattering. OY.
Anna Marie: a fun gold dress that shines. Who doesn't love sparkles? Yes, that includes Robin.
Maya: allows her model to be attacked by a giant caterpillar. One has grown down the front of the dress and is not working for me.
Making it on to the next round: Amy, Anna Marie, Ben, Janeane, Jay, Jesse, Jonathan, Maya, Mila, and Pamela.
Anthony: Heidi likes the bottom, which holds the bow of fabric. Really, Heidi? Kors thinks the model could go to a garden party and steal champagne bottles by hiding them in the bow. Smart thinking! Functional fashion! Nina says no to the fabric and silhouette. Conflict! Nicole doesn't like the construction, especially in the back, but she gives him an A for effort. She's the Paula Abdul of this panel.
Seth Aaron: "Little Tokyo" is going to the MTV Video Music Awards. Someone give this guy a publishing deal. He's a storyteller! Nicole loves it from head to toe. Heidi agrees. Nina loves the construction of the back, which criss crosses and pops with a red zipper running to the hem. Kors thinks it's "pretty commercial" and that young girls would love to wear it.
Ping: Nicole loves the free flowing fabric. No kidding! Nina thinks the model looks uncomfortable. I agree. Kors thinks this is a great first try and shows who Ping is as a designer. Lazy! Heidi makes no comment, falling back on the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all." Oh, Heidi!
Jesus: Heidi thinks it's gross, calling out the seam before Kors can. Nina says she looks like a Hershey's bar. MMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Nina. Now I need chocolate. Nicole thinks some more thought is needed before this could be a kick ass dress. Well, he only had a day, Nicole! Sheesh.
Christiane: Nina likes the draping, but is not feeling the combo of fabrics. Kors doesn't think it looks effortless.
Emilio/Darius: Kors loves the simplicity. Nina loves the technical aspect. Nicole loves the full skirt and Heidi loves the construction. I love that he pulled this out in such little time. He obviously works well under pressure.
And guess what? Emilio/Darius wins the challenge! He has immunity for the next round. Phew!
Not living to see the next round is.....wait for it.....one more second.....Christiane. Those two fabrics killed her. Bye Christiane! It's never easy being the first to go, but she does it with grace. Best of luck!
Next week: another challenge and some drama. I think that's a safe bet.
We have some new sponsors this season! Brother is providing the sewing machines and HP is providing Touchsmart notebooks. Lucky! Now get to work, bitches!
Janeane is going to make a black cocktail dress. Zzzzzzzzzz..........oh, what? I'm sure that decision won't come back to bite her. Emilio is making a dress with "color, design, and fit." Good. You deserve to be here. Ping shows us that she likes to put her designs on and jump up and down in front of a mirror in them. The other designers shoot her a quick glance followed by chants of "CRAZY! CRAZY!" in their minds.
At the eight hours left mark, Tim brings the models in. Skin and bones for everyone!
Jesus utters the words "mermaid style" and I go to my dark place of hating mermaid dresses. His waif thinks they will win. We'll see. We get quick shots of the models sashaying in their scraps and I see pointy shoulderblades. Time for dinner!
After the models leave to buy smokes, Tim walks in to check and see who fooled the casting team with their audition tapes. A quick look around makes it seem like most everyone. Tricksters! Ping delights Tim by doing her best impression of an Olsen with her design. It's just layers of material complete with a hat. Fashion forward or just what someone should wear at 202 Highview in the winter?
MELTDOWN! Tim gives his most concerned look of the day to Janeane's cocktail dress. It puckers and doesn't lay flat. Fine for a day when you are bloated, but not for the runway. She scurries off to the bathroom to do some chants about how she deserves to be here and starts from scratch. With less than 8 hours? Time for an energy drink!
Anthony picked a fabric that looks like a garden exploded. Oy. Not feeling it. Tim tells him to stick with the lead actress and not force a supporting player. That is a nice way of saying that his main fabric is hideous. Let's not involve poor yellow.
Jesus used material that looks like a Mr. Hanky-colored fruit roll up. Eww. Tim is worried about the HUMONGOUS seam in the front. I'm worried as well. You know Kors will rip you a new one if he sees it, so why tempt the orange man???
Day of the runway show: scramble like your life depends on it! You know the deal. Everyone has something to add, subtract, and pray on. Will the fashion fairy help you survive to next week? Will everyone use the Bluefly.com wall thoughtfully? Will I start drinking during these recaps? Questions abound!
Emilio/Darius has a LOT to do. He is competing with Janeane for Most Likely To Let The Door Hit You In The Butt. And they still have to bring their models to the L'Oreal Paris Makeup Room and Garnier Hair Salon. And you know those stylists won't wait for you! Chop Chop!
Somehow everyone makes it to the runway. Heidi appears from behind the screen wearing a fresh pop of green in a sheer blouse. Sassy! She makes the designers salivate by telling them what they will win if they are crowned the winner at Fashion Week. Simmer down! We're only in Week 1.
Oh, Nicole Richie is the guest judge this week. She looks....homeless. I'm sorry, but those extensions and peasant outfit don't work. But she's creating her own fashion line, so what do I know. Oh, right. IT DOESN'T WORK!
Jonathan: short sleeveless dress that is very fun and youthful. Impeccable work.
Seth Aaron: short sleeveless plaid dress with a ruffled bottom and zippers. And belt suspenders. Not my favorite, but I think the design is fresh and different.
Jesus: fruit roll up! Lost me at the color, fabric, and when he uttered the words "chiffon train."
Ben: point shoulders for the win! Is that burnt orange? Salmon? Short dress in a fabric with a sheen. Not Charlie, thank goodness. Meh.
Jay: I didn't ask for flower pockets, but you gave them to me anyway. Heidi loves this dress. I'm less enthused. Don't like the fabric on top or the bottom.
Pamela: She must have just watched Pretty In Pink, because she is hitting us with a pink dress that looks like you could use the sleeves for wings. Fly away!
Emilio/Darius: his dress was very cute. A fun pattern that moved well down the runway. He somehow turned his potential disaster into a hit!
Jesse: off the shoulder plaid jacket and skirt with an off the shoulder blouse. Ambitious!
Ping: Throw on some fabric and scurry off down the runway! Oy.
Christiane: loved the blue on its own. Combined with the flower pattern? Not so much. This dress has mess written all over it.
Amy: corset with a bubble skirt. Not feeling it, but it looks well made.
Janeane: blouse and skirt that look like she made them at the last second...because she did! The construction of the skirt is not doing it for me. It bunches on the right and left down the front. Huh?
Mila: jacket, skirt, and shirt that reminds me of a graph grid. Too busy. I'm sure the judges will love it.
Anthony: halter top with a big ole' bunch of fabric on the side. Like a bow on your hip. Always flattering. OY.
Anna Marie: a fun gold dress that shines. Who doesn't love sparkles? Yes, that includes Robin.
Maya: allows her model to be attacked by a giant caterpillar. One has grown down the front of the dress and is not working for me.
Making it on to the next round: Amy, Anna Marie, Ben, Janeane, Jay, Jesse, Jonathan, Maya, Mila, and Pamela.
Anthony: Heidi likes the bottom, which holds the bow of fabric. Really, Heidi? Kors thinks the model could go to a garden party and steal champagne bottles by hiding them in the bow. Smart thinking! Functional fashion! Nina says no to the fabric and silhouette. Conflict! Nicole doesn't like the construction, especially in the back, but she gives him an A for effort. She's the Paula Abdul of this panel.
Seth Aaron: "Little Tokyo" is going to the MTV Video Music Awards. Someone give this guy a publishing deal. He's a storyteller! Nicole loves it from head to toe. Heidi agrees. Nina loves the construction of the back, which criss crosses and pops with a red zipper running to the hem. Kors thinks it's "pretty commercial" and that young girls would love to wear it.
Ping: Nicole loves the free flowing fabric. No kidding! Nina thinks the model looks uncomfortable. I agree. Kors thinks this is a great first try and shows who Ping is as a designer. Lazy! Heidi makes no comment, falling back on the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all." Oh, Heidi!
Jesus: Heidi thinks it's gross, calling out the seam before Kors can. Nina says she looks like a Hershey's bar. MMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Nina. Now I need chocolate. Nicole thinks some more thought is needed before this could be a kick ass dress. Well, he only had a day, Nicole! Sheesh.
Christiane: Nina likes the draping, but is not feeling the combo of fabrics. Kors doesn't think it looks effortless.
Emilio/Darius: Kors loves the simplicity. Nina loves the technical aspect. Nicole loves the full skirt and Heidi loves the construction. I love that he pulled this out in such little time. He obviously works well under pressure.
And guess what? Emilio/Darius wins the challenge! He has immunity for the next round. Phew!
Not living to see the next round is.....wait for it.....one more second.....Christiane. Those two fabrics killed her. Bye Christiane! It's never easy being the first to go, but she does it with grace. Best of luck!
Next week: another challenge and some drama. I think that's a safe bet.
Back to New York
Project Runway, how I've missed you!
Wait. You were barely gone. Well, at least you are back in NY. The Diva and I spent a lovely day there yesterday taking in a play and a stop at Cafe Lalo. Best of luck to the cast of Time Stands Still!
This season looks to be....interesting. We've already had someone crying! And it wasn't me. Save the drama for your mama while you kick back and enjoy the first episode rewind:
Seth Aaron is from Vancouver, WA and says he wants to be a "fashion icon." Oy. Doesn't everyone that applies to this show? He's 37 but looks older. Birth certificate, please! He's the first to arrive at Atlas Apartments and breaks a bed by jumping on it. Troublemaker! And is that a bandana I see around your neck? We are not off to a good start.
Next up is Janeane from Portland, OR. She is 27 and it's her first time in NY. It clearly is, as she didn't know how to maneuver a revolving door. Boom! Roasted! Oh, dear. Ummm, we are into the first minute of the show and I see tears. Janeane says showing at Bryant Park would change her life. Hmmmm......has she watched this show? Other than Christian, I don't see much media attention for the other winners.
In comes Ping from Chicago. She is 33 and shares the name of a character Michael Scott performs yearly during the Dundie Awards. Oh, Michael. Ping is a Physical Therapist by day and a designer by other hours of the day. Good for you, Ping! That takes commitment.
In walks Ben from Tampa who clearly isn't interesting. He gets about 10 seconds of airtime until we are onto Anthony from Atlanta. If the frills on the front of Anthony's button down didn't ping (whoops!) your gaydar, allow his admission that it is hell "being black and gay in the ghetto" to sound the alarm. I hear that! Wait. What? His ultimate goal is to design gowns for Miss USA and Miss Universe, but he feels that this is where he needs to be right now.
Jay from San Fran is walking his way into our world next. He is 31 and says he is not really interested in making money, he just wants to do what he loves. Sounds like being a designer is perfect for you, Jay.
Pamela is from Bucks County, PA and in need of a hairstyle. I won't hold it against her. I just got a haircut yesterday that was a few weeks overdue. Perhaps Heidi can show her a nice salon in the city. She says she was in advertising and went as far as she could with it (READ: I was passed over for a promotion by someone younger with a hipster hairstyle. Instead of making a doll of her and poking it with needles, I channeled my frustration into design). She's a Type A personality and I would watch for her to throw down before the season is over.
Anna Maria is 23 and from Milwaukee. She's really thin and barely gets to look out the window of one of the bedrooms before we see Jonathan, 29, from Providence, RI. He is an animal when it comes to competition (complete with a growl) and loves using hair gel to design his own hair. I'd say he has a good half a bottle in it right now.
Next we meet 24-year-old Jesse from Orlando. Ah, wonder if he likes theme parks. OH MY GOSH, he played Captain Jack Sparrow at Disney. Does that really pass as "acting" these days? I'll call Johnny and get back to you.
Mila from LA is 40 and a costume designer mostly for tv and movies. Fun! She has blunt bangs, as does her new roommate Maya. She is 21 and from NYC. Holla! Or whatever the kids say these days. They high five over their bangs and then probably exchange hair dye samples.
Christiane from LA walks in wearing a fun scarf. She comments on how nice the apartment is and then we get an "inside the cab" shot of Jesus (not Madonna's "boyfriend"), 21, from San Diego. He is young and confident and likes to sculpt his hair like my youngest brother. Oh, youth!
STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!! Darius Rucker is here. Oh, no, it's just Emilio from NY. Seriously, when he first walked in I yelled out "Darius!" Well, this 41-year-old is lucky enough to look like the Hootie frontman turned Country star. You are already a winner, Emilio!
And finally we have Amy, 25, from Oakland, CA. I wonder how many of these Cali people tried out for last season and didn't make it. Hmmm. She says she likes being innovative and different. I think this is the reality show for you, Amy!
Phew. That was exhausting. Meet me on the roof!
Heidi and Tim are looking radiant. Heidi's excuse is pregnancy. What is Tim's? Oh, right. HIS AWESOMENESS. The designers sip champagne and talk about their design aesthetic. I wonder if Heidi and Tim ever want to push someone off the roof when they hear things like, "I'm an artist and I love texture." Maybe it's just me.
Day 1 begins! The gang meets Tim in Central Park, where there is some sort of flea market set up. Oh, nevermind. The fun folks at Mood set up fabrics on park benches to push the idea of a jogger being murdered far back into everyone's mind. Feel safe because it's daytime! The first challenge is for everyone to pick as much fabric as they can while wearing blindfolds. It isn't, BUT IT SHOULD BE! That would be challenging. Instead, the challenge is to create a design that represents who you are as a designer. YAWN. I mean, I get it being the first, but....couldn't they have just gone to Mood and picked their fabric? Why did some poor intern have to drape park benches? The designers have three minutes to pick what they want, which seems to horrify them as much as if Tim had said they were going to go without electricity at the apartment. Whiners!
Wait. You were barely gone. Well, at least you are back in NY. The Diva and I spent a lovely day there yesterday taking in a play and a stop at Cafe Lalo. Best of luck to the cast of Time Stands Still!
This season looks to be....interesting. We've already had someone crying! And it wasn't me. Save the drama for your mama while you kick back and enjoy the first episode rewind:
Seth Aaron is from Vancouver, WA and says he wants to be a "fashion icon." Oy. Doesn't everyone that applies to this show? He's 37 but looks older. Birth certificate, please! He's the first to arrive at Atlas Apartments and breaks a bed by jumping on it. Troublemaker! And is that a bandana I see around your neck? We are not off to a good start.
Next up is Janeane from Portland, OR. She is 27 and it's her first time in NY. It clearly is, as she didn't know how to maneuver a revolving door. Boom! Roasted! Oh, dear. Ummm, we are into the first minute of the show and I see tears. Janeane says showing at Bryant Park would change her life. Hmmmm......has she watched this show? Other than Christian, I don't see much media attention for the other winners.
In comes Ping from Chicago. She is 33 and shares the name of a character Michael Scott performs yearly during the Dundie Awards. Oh, Michael. Ping is a Physical Therapist by day and a designer by other hours of the day. Good for you, Ping! That takes commitment.
In walks Ben from Tampa who clearly isn't interesting. He gets about 10 seconds of airtime until we are onto Anthony from Atlanta. If the frills on the front of Anthony's button down didn't ping (whoops!) your gaydar, allow his admission that it is hell "being black and gay in the ghetto" to sound the alarm. I hear that! Wait. What? His ultimate goal is to design gowns for Miss USA and Miss Universe, but he feels that this is where he needs to be right now.
Jay from San Fran is walking his way into our world next. He is 31 and says he is not really interested in making money, he just wants to do what he loves. Sounds like being a designer is perfect for you, Jay.
Pamela is from Bucks County, PA and in need of a hairstyle. I won't hold it against her. I just got a haircut yesterday that was a few weeks overdue. Perhaps Heidi can show her a nice salon in the city. She says she was in advertising and went as far as she could with it (READ: I was passed over for a promotion by someone younger with a hipster hairstyle. Instead of making a doll of her and poking it with needles, I channeled my frustration into design). She's a Type A personality and I would watch for her to throw down before the season is over.
Anna Maria is 23 and from Milwaukee. She's really thin and barely gets to look out the window of one of the bedrooms before we see Jonathan, 29, from Providence, RI. He is an animal when it comes to competition (complete with a growl) and loves using hair gel to design his own hair. I'd say he has a good half a bottle in it right now.
Next we meet 24-year-old Jesse from Orlando. Ah, wonder if he likes theme parks. OH MY GOSH, he played Captain Jack Sparrow at Disney. Does that really pass as "acting" these days? I'll call Johnny and get back to you.
Mila from LA is 40 and a costume designer mostly for tv and movies. Fun! She has blunt bangs, as does her new roommate Maya. She is 21 and from NYC. Holla! Or whatever the kids say these days. They high five over their bangs and then probably exchange hair dye samples.
Christiane from LA walks in wearing a fun scarf. She comments on how nice the apartment is and then we get an "inside the cab" shot of Jesus (not Madonna's "boyfriend"), 21, from San Diego. He is young and confident and likes to sculpt his hair like my youngest brother. Oh, youth!
STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!! Darius Rucker is here. Oh, no, it's just Emilio from NY. Seriously, when he first walked in I yelled out "Darius!" Well, this 41-year-old is lucky enough to look like the Hootie frontman turned Country star. You are already a winner, Emilio!
And finally we have Amy, 25, from Oakland, CA. I wonder how many of these Cali people tried out for last season and didn't make it. Hmmm. She says she likes being innovative and different. I think this is the reality show for you, Amy!
Phew. That was exhausting. Meet me on the roof!
Heidi and Tim are looking radiant. Heidi's excuse is pregnancy. What is Tim's? Oh, right. HIS AWESOMENESS. The designers sip champagne and talk about their design aesthetic. I wonder if Heidi and Tim ever want to push someone off the roof when they hear things like, "I'm an artist and I love texture." Maybe it's just me.
Day 1 begins! The gang meets Tim in Central Park, where there is some sort of flea market set up. Oh, nevermind. The fun folks at Mood set up fabrics on park benches to push the idea of a jogger being murdered far back into everyone's mind. Feel safe because it's daytime! The first challenge is for everyone to pick as much fabric as they can while wearing blindfolds. It isn't, BUT IT SHOULD BE! That would be challenging. Instead, the challenge is to create a design that represents who you are as a designer. YAWN. I mean, I get it being the first, but....couldn't they have just gone to Mood and picked their fabric? Why did some poor intern have to drape park benches? The designers have three minutes to pick what they want, which seems to horrify them as much as if Tim had said they were going to go without electricity at the apartment. Whiners!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Sass and sequins
I believe we are assured of at least one of those things as Season 7 of Project Runway kicks off tonight at 10pm on Lifetime.
Are you ready for the drama? The backstabbing? The sewing machines that are never threaded correctly? Nina Garcia giving an eye roll? Tim Gunn looking concerned?
Well, get yourselves ready. You have a few hours.
Yours truly will be giving you weekly recaps of all the madness a new set of designers are sure to bring. Here's how it will work: a new episode will air on Thursday. I will post my recap by Sunday night.
Now, you may be asking, "Celebrity Skewer, why can't I get a recap of a Thursday night show on Friday?" And my response will be, "Because you are annoying and don't deserve one." And I'll mean it.
Make it work, bitches!
Are you ready for the drama? The backstabbing? The sewing machines that are never threaded correctly? Nina Garcia giving an eye roll? Tim Gunn looking concerned?
Well, get yourselves ready. You have a few hours.
Yours truly will be giving you weekly recaps of all the madness a new set of designers are sure to bring. Here's how it will work: a new episode will air on Thursday. I will post my recap by Sunday night.
Now, you may be asking, "Celebrity Skewer, why can't I get a recap of a Thursday night show on Friday?" And my response will be, "Because you are annoying and don't deserve one." And I'll mean it.
Make it work, bitches!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Tim Gunn: Actor and Mentor
This week, we will see both!
Last night, Tim Gunn appeared on How I Met Your Mother, playing the role of Barney's tailor. I had completely forgotten that he was going to appear in the show's 100th episode. Shame on me!
Neil Patrick Harris posted a pic of the two when the episode was filming and called Gunn the "Best Guest Star EVER!"
http://hollywooddame.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/tim-gunn-on-how-i-met-your-mother-photo.jpg
I mean, really. Wouldn't you love to grab a drink with these two and get the dish on why Cobie Smulders looked so awful in last night's episode??? (The Diva claims she has looked busted all season.)
And this Thursday, Tim returns to mentor sassy designers on the Season 7 premiere of Project Runway. Thankfully, they are back in NY after a turn in LA last season. Wasn't feeling it, personally. Although I liked some of last season's designers, the LA locale was not conducive to the feel of the show. It belongs in NY. Like Derek Jeter and World Series Championships. Oh, snap!
Look for recaps of Season 7 right here on this very site. That's right! I will walk you through the ups, downs, meltdowns, side eyes, and hideous fabric that makes for a season of Project Runway.
Auf Wiedersehen!
Last night, Tim Gunn appeared on How I Met Your Mother, playing the role of Barney's tailor. I had completely forgotten that he was going to appear in the show's 100th episode. Shame on me!
Neil Patrick Harris posted a pic of the two when the episode was filming and called Gunn the "Best Guest Star EVER!"
http://hollywooddame.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/tim-gunn-on-how-i-met-your-mother-photo.jpg
I mean, really. Wouldn't you love to grab a drink with these two and get the dish on why Cobie Smulders looked so awful in last night's episode??? (The Diva claims she has looked busted all season.)
And this Thursday, Tim returns to mentor sassy designers on the Season 7 premiere of Project Runway. Thankfully, they are back in NY after a turn in LA last season. Wasn't feeling it, personally. Although I liked some of last season's designers, the LA locale was not conducive to the feel of the show. It belongs in NY. Like Derek Jeter and World Series Championships. Oh, snap!
Look for recaps of Season 7 right here on this very site. That's right! I will walk you through the ups, downs, meltdowns, side eyes, and hideous fabric that makes for a season of Project Runway.
Auf Wiedersehen!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
All the best in 2010
Loyal readers, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your continued support and dedication to this site. All of us here at Celebrity Skewer would be nothing without you. That includes our IT, Accounting, and Legal Departments, as well as interns, PAs, and our resident Diva.
We look forward to a successful 2010. (Can you say 'Project Runway recaps?')
We would also like to send heartfelt congratulations and best wishes to country music aficionado and loyal reader, Erin. She and her fiance, Ryan, are getting married this weekend. What a way to kick off the new year! All the best to you both!
We look forward to a successful 2010. (Can you say 'Project Runway recaps?')
We would also like to send heartfelt congratulations and best wishes to country music aficionado and loyal reader, Erin. She and her fiance, Ryan, are getting married this weekend. What a way to kick off the new year! All the best to you both!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Peace on earth and goodwill towards men
It's that time of year to look back on the past 12 months and reflect on how far we've come as an individual, a community, and a nation.
Well, I'm much too lazy to do that. But, in honor of the season of giving, I present to you a moment in time of one of the greatest friendships that ever was. It was born of the same profession, bad hair, and poor clothing choices. And please pay special attention to the World's First Cellphone being used by one of the participants.
Without further ado (and at the request of The Diva):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDRYCrmyMU
Well, I'm much too lazy to do that. But, in honor of the season of giving, I present to you a moment in time of one of the greatest friendships that ever was. It was born of the same profession, bad hair, and poor clothing choices. And please pay special attention to the World's First Cellphone being used by one of the participants.
Without further ado (and at the request of The Diva):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVDRYCrmyMU
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